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A clam on a couch.
Therapist taking notes.

Clam:

Truth be told, I'm not that happy.
(1)
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Police investigation room.
The lights are dim.

A chicken is sitting on a chair.

Across the table is a police officer:

What came first, you or the egg?? Why did you cross the road? How is it that everything tastes like you? I want answers!

----
Grilled Chicken.
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Doctor to patient:

Laughter is the best medicine.
But your insurance only covers chuckles, snickers and giggles.
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Lots of monks in a room.
Big meeting.

The monk at the front, with a big smile:

Thanks for nothing.

-----
The Zen Awards.
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Lawyer to the judge:

I'd like to request a brief recess, Your Honor, as the witness's pants are on fire.
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A desperate lawyer in a courtroom, speaking to the judge:

Can we, just for a moment, Your Honor, ignore the facts?
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:) it's that time of day again...time for some jokes.
-----

A lawyer is dancing around the courtroom:

I'd like to make this motion, Your Honor!

Judge:

Motion denied.
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Edna (a witch) lives in a house opposite Zelda (another witch). Zelda's house is made of gingerbread, covered in cakes and candy, and the windows are made of sugar.

A girl and boy are seen walking towards Zelda's house.

Edna:
Dang...Zelda seem to attract - all - the little kids.

-----
Later, Edna was forced to sell her Brussels sprout house.
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Cat opens the front door.
9 Grim Reapers are standing in front of him.

Cat:

All nine at once?! Have I really been that curious?
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Man dressed up as a Grim Reaper, meets Grim Reaper.

Man:
Are you on your way to a Halloween party, too?

Grim:
Um...actually, neither of us are.
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Grim Reaper lying on the couch.

Therapist taking notes:

What do you mean this is our last session?
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Doctor:

Good news. Your prostate isn't enlarged after all. The rest of you is shrinking.
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Dog lying happily on the couch.
Therapist taking notes.

Dog:

Actually, I'm fine. I just like to have a place where I'm allowed on the couch.
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"I'm afraid it's worse than tendinitis, Mr. Tufnel. It's elevendinitis."
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Superman at the eye doctor, for an eye check-up.

The doctor puts the glasses on his face:

"Ok Superman, see if these make it clearer...WHOAAA...You're Clark Kent!"
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Superman (now much older) at an office, trying to get a job.

The boss reads his resume:

"This is super. I asked for super-duper."
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Boss to a worker:

This is a major project of utmost importance. But it has no budget, no guidelines, no support staff, and it's due in 15 minutes. At last, here's your chance to impress everyone!
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"Think different. But not different from me."
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Woman watching TV.

TV:

The following program contains sexy actors and actresses who will make your spouse look like a troll. Viewer discretion is advised.
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Several businesspeople sitting around a table.

Man:

At this point in the meeting we'll open a discussion of whether or not we needed to have this meeting.
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Woman at a counter, McDonald's.

Cashier:

If he's outgrown Happy Meals, we now offer something for teens...Sullen Meal.
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Father speaking to son:

Remember son...money can't buy happiness, but it pays for a lot of anti-depressants.
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Man on couch.
Therapist's office.

Therapist:
I'm not supposed to tell this, but the true secret to happiness is having more stuff than everyone else!
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Helpful Spring Cleaning Advice

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen, he sprayed everywhere and then spent a couple of hours thoroughly cleaning every nook and cranny. Next week I'll be putting the cockroach in the bathroom.
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If you are like me and find laughter contagious you should youtube Craig Ferguson cracking up on his old show. There were a few clips of him on his old talk show just losing it. I couldn't sleep the other night and watched this. I laughed so hard myself I nearly peed my pants.
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dear inmyshoes,
:)

if i trade my 3 kittens, to get your husband back, and borrow your puppy, give your husband back to you, take another kitten, and return your puppy to you...

then you can have the puppy + your husband.
i think i found the fastest solution :).

fast-thinker, bundle of joy :)
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I got this puppy for my husband. I think it was a fair trade.
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A big room.
Group therapy.
Lots of chairs in a circle.

Weird pancakes are sitting in every chair.


Support Group for First Pancakes
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Garfield comic strip :)

Jon:
Garfield!
I'm home!

Garfield, smiling:
Good.
I've been waiting all day to ignore you.
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A worker is painting the outside door of an office.

He paints:
THE
RAPIST

Another man comes and says:
It's one word, George!
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