Follow
Share
Read More
Did you hear about the Guy that invented the knock knock joke?


He won the "no-bell" prize!
(6)
Report

Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?



He pasta-way!
(5)
Report

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?



A can't opener!
(5)
Report

Beatty,
Wish I had another joke for ya. Lol.
(1)
Report

Cwillie,
Eyeore's friends-unconditional love. 🫂
(3)
Report

I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed.
(8)
Report

Not a joke but it made me smile

The one awesome thing about Eeyore is that even though he is basically clinically depressed
he still gets invited to participate in adventures and shenanigans with all of his friends.
And they never expect him to pretend to feel happy,
they just love him anyway,
and they never leave him behind or ask him to change.
(8)
Report

Send, did the items turn up?
(2)
Report

DH just found the leftovers I had put in the pantry instead of the fridge.. oopsy

I remember (fondly) finding toy cars in the freezer, parked neatly between the little ridges 😂
(4)
Report

Uh oh...
there was nothing in the refrigerator or the freezer!

Where did dH put it this time?
(3)
Report

Very funny Send! I'm just finishing my meal while I brush my teeth. LOL
(2)
Report

So happy to report that Executive Functioning has returned with multitasking success!
It is just past Noon and already the
bills are washed,
the laundry is paid,
clothes are in the oven,
the last load of dinner dishes are in the dryer.

Now I am putting my clothes on to get into the shower.
(11)
Report

"No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food."
(5)
Report

Yoda, good to see you!!
(3)
Report

This is not a joke but a real conversation.

Wife, do you remember what you promised when we got married?

Husband, no, what did I promise?

Wife, you promised to love, honor and obey.

Husband, what did you promise?

Wife, I don't remember, but it was not those last two words.

Such was the marriage of my mother in law and father in law as I observed from 1984 until he died first in 1997. He was not henpecked. He was enslaved.
(4)
Report

Don't let anyone tell you you've got a resting bi+ch face. You're a caregiver, there's no resting going on here.
(7)
Report

I had to quit my job as a can crusher. It was so depressing.

and...

Where did the cheap pirate go to get a new hook?
The second hand shop.
(6)
Report

Man and woman at the altar, about to get married.

Priest:

"Do you promise to love, honor, and say, 'Who's there?' when he says, 'Knock, knock'?"
(2)
Report

Restaurant.

Man and woman sitting at a table.
Waiter comes.

Woman says:

"I'd like a Chardonnay, and I'm fairly certain he'd like sex."
(4)
Report

Two little girls playing happily in a playground.

One says to the other:

"When are you thinking of losing your self-esteem?"
(3)
Report

If animals made Near Year's resolutions...

Cat:
No need, I'm already a vision of perfection.

Dog:
Love everything more.

Shark:
Improve public image.

Rabbit:
Make more rabbits.

Slug:
Sneak into houses at night more. Don't let them see you, but leave slime trails so they know you've been there.

T-rex:
Work on upper body strength. Also stop being dead.
(2)
Report

Man lying down on the couch, answering the phone.

"You're depressed? My depression makes your depression look like euphoria."
(0)
Report

Telephone operator answering the phone:

"More than anything else, we want our customers to be happy. Think about baby kittens. Think about the best kiss you ever had. Think about butterflies frolicking in a flower garden. Are you happy yet?"
(0)
Report

Dog writing his New Year's resolutions.
He's thinking to himself, "I should probably be more realistic."

On his notepad:

Bark less.
Wag more.
Be nicer to the cat.
(1)
Report

Man speaking to his wife:

"In solidarity with everyone who is snowed in across the country, I'm postponing my New Year's resolution to exercise."
(2)
Report

My wife still hasn't told me what my New Year's resolutions are.
(6)
Report

It's officially New Year's Eve, you only have a couple of hours to do all the things you will resolve not to do in the new year.
(5)
Report

I think I'd be too chilly if all I wore was a mask.
... Just sayin' 😂
(3)
Report

Just before the clock strikes at midnight, lift your left leg.
Doing that will assure that you start the New Year off on the right foot.

I am still not sure what to wear for New Year's celebration in the living room.
Maybe I won't go. I have nothing to wear but a mask.
(6)
Report

What do you call someone who says they know all the words to “Auld Lang Syne?”
A liar.


haha :).
actually --- i learned it one day (it's a very pretty scottish song).
(it's a song often sung on New Year's Eve, at midnight)
:)

listen (simply beautiful)...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urDzywYAO0I

happy new year 2022, everyone!!!!! :) :) :) :)
may all your new year wishes come true!!!! :) :) :)

bundle of joy :)
(2)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter