I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
Chainsaw is turned on.
Patient wakes up, sweating.
Doctor says, "Easy, Mr. Gundersen. We just fire it up to check if the anesthesia has you fully asleep yet."
"No, you need the exercise!"
“At your age, good health is pretty much a thing of the past. My advice is, find an illness you enjoy.”
“Mr. Swanson, our session ended 15 minutes ago, will you please leave?…”
“I know, just give me a minute!”
“Yes I remember suggesting that you never go to bed angry. However two years is a long time to go without sleep.”
and he liked it, so he put a ring on it.
Well, I hope that is not the case, ever.
But if you have been dating for over a year, and you are not engaged by Christmas........💍
i hope you're all getting into the xmas spirit!! :) :) :)
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here's another joke.
i actually already posted this joke inside one of my replies to a question, within a comment, of a reply, to an answer of a question. so you might have missed it.
here it is:
"Your Honor," the hunter said, "I had no idea that it was illegal to kill and eat a bald eagle. If you let me go, I'll never do it again."
"You've committed a very serious crime," the judge replies. "But you clearly weren't aware of the law, so I'm willing to overlook it this one time. However, before I let you go, I'm going to ask you to do one thing."
"Anything, Your Honor," the hunter replies. "What is it?"
The judge says, "It's been illegal to kill a protected species for many years, so very few people have ever eaten a bald eagle. For the record, can you please tell everyone what a bald eagle tastes like?"
The hunter thinks for a moment and then replies, "It tastes pretty good. Kind of like a cross between a spotted owl and a condor."
hugs.
wishing us all an amazing soon xmas 2021!! :) :) :)
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:)
here, some of my jokes for the day:
why do we tell actors to "break a leg"?
because every play has a cast.
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someone stole my mood ring yesterday.
i still don't know how i feel about that.
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showers are great. they make you feel nice & clean, you sound like a professional singer & they also help you make all of life's decisions.
There was one, crying in the corner because all the other reindeer made fun of the red nose. Likely from drinking too much. Santa's favorite, you can ride up front. You can pull my sleigh. But needing all the females to tell him the way,
taking up the slack, "turn here, go there, stop here!". "It's time to go, you are late!".
That reindeer's name must have been Rudolph! Otherwise known as the Golden boy! 🦌
Disclaimer:
(for those taking this joke literally, sorry).
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here’s my joke of the day:
sometimes someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race & changes you forever…
we call these people cops.
And why some men want two or more is a bigamystery.
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
Doctor: "Nine."
If psychics can tell the future, why would you need to use them again?
(Yeah, I’m a guy and I’ve been lost before. Did I ask for directions? Uhhh……..).
So Santa's sleigh is actually pulled by a team of females.
Of course it is.
Even though they have mostly male names.
In modern times, Santa is recognized as having 9 reindeer- Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, and Rudolph.
We are so happy that we got the GPS option on her hearing aids!
At the evening service tonight the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
This Sunday being Easter Sunday we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the alter.
Mrs. Jones will sing “Put Me In My Little Bed” accompanied by the pastor.
Black Friday is when we rush out to the stores and trample on each other to buy things after the day we said we were thankful for the things we had.
People passing by won't know whether to stop by or go away! 🚧🚫🛑✅
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
In other words, I agree the world is freaking nuts! No one knows if they are coming or going.
Those of you who are placing Christmas lights/decorations in your yards, would you please avoid anything that has Red or Blue flashing lights together? Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police and I have a panic attack. I have to brake hard, toss my beer out the window, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the gun under the seat. All while trying to drive.
It's just too much drama, even for Christmas. Thank you for your cooperation and understanding this year!