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It’s a good thing farting isn’t contagious like yawning.
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My kids didn’t believe me when I told them I was older than Google.
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Not exactly a joke...but my partner and I refer to the mandatory family holiday meals as "the N (orP) family Hallmark holiday pageant".
These events are more like what a script for a holiday event would be if written by Gary Larson (The Far Side) supported by folks who wrote satire for "The Onion."
Helps remind us not to take it all too seriously, that everyone is playing a well earned role and that any slips out of character will be severely dealt with.

We also plan to do our own 'holiday thing' later on. Works for us.
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Unexpected quotes from Queen Victoria, devoted wife and mother of many:

I feel that no girl would go to the altar if she knew all.
I don’t dislike babies, though I think very young ones rather disgusting.
An ugly baby is a very nasty object, and the prettiest is frightful when undressed.
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Oxford Union regulation 46: Any member introducing a dog into the premises shall be fined one pound. Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed to be a cat.
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Back to jokes:
‘Oh shut up Balders. You’d laugh at a Shakespeare comedy’: Rowan Atkinson in Blackadder
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Llama we have something similar here in summer called Bard on The Beach. I've never been cause I'm not much into live theater. I always tell hubs if we went I'd be "Bored on the beach" ☺
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A local organization used to have "Shakespeare in the Park" outdoor summer plays. Went several times with DD and friends. Sat on lawn with snacks and drinks.
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GA, free Shakespeare? https://www.coursera.org/learn/shakespeare-twelfth-night-comedy-community-applied. Just started today.

Coursera is great, many different classes, everything under the sun!
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GA, no but, I will be ordering. Any book good enough to read a half dozen times is one I want for my library.
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GA, I have not heard of the book The Flight Girls. I’ll check my Amazon Kindle. An audiobook would be great. I also have not heard of the expression ‘flat hating’. and I had to look it up. Dangerous low flying.

The term that always troubles me when flying is ‘dead reckoning’. One that I like ‘the sky is not the limit, the ground is.’ Very true when landing. And for those who like Star Wars ‘May the four forces be with you’ which refers to the four forces that keep the planes in the air.
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Aragorn, did you study Shakespeare's plays in college?  I took one Shakespeare class which was so worthwhile; I'd take it again if I could get a discount price on it, but thus far I haven't found any good senior discounts on classes.

Shakespeare was a genius in creating methods to address specific issues, or trends. 


ITRR and PolarBear. have either of you read The Flight Girls, by Noelle Salazar?  I've read it-6, perhaps 7, times.   It's set in WWII just before 7 Dec., during the attack and up through the end of WWII. 

There's a fair amount of "pilot talk"; I liked the expression "flat hatting."  I hadn't heard that before.  

It's also a blend of history, war, interpersonal actions, women in WWII, POWs and life after WWII.      I think it's probably the best historical novel blended with personal lives that I've ever read.
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The turkeys are getting nervous and know something's up.
The farmers just unfriended the turkeys on fb. 🦃🦃🦃🦃🦃🦃
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I think that is a great idea.

I know it as ‘Comic Relief’ and first learned of it embedded in Shakespeare’s plays.
I also used it with my colleagues who serve as School Social Workers. I believe all ‘stress-related professions use and need it to counter balance themselves.

So here’s a ‘True’ joke:
A friend of mine’s father who recognized his cognitive deterioration, saw the bright side and would say: ‘I always get my money’s worth in buying a newspaper, I can read it Four Times and it’s always news to me!’
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You pilots rock!
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ITTR: You're welcome. That was a humorous statement, though probably not to you.😧
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PolarBear, I really envy you.  Meeting some of the WASPS would be a major lifetime event for me.    They were a phenomenal, dedicated group of women.   If  my father were alive, he'd want to talk to you about them.  He always admired them.   I guess he had some experience with them.   He flew in a B-29.
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Polarbear, that is an awesome experience to get to fellowship with a group of WASPs. What a cherished memory.

Actually it was too expensive to own a plane. By the time you do all the required maintenance, pay for a hanger, insurance, fuel and a licensed pilot to go with you every time, it was brutal.

It did make my nieces think I was a pretty awesome aunt, I would fly down and pick them up for an overnight visit. Which would never happen with a 7 hour round trip drive.

Funny story, my youngest niece is an accident waiting to happen, she was trying to get into the plane thru the pilots door and I told her she had to go around and get in back. She took off pellmell and dented my rudder with her forehead. She looked like a cartoon character with her body going into a completely horizontal position and she dropped to the ground.

Just so everyone knows, she was fine. It wasn't funny at the time, hindsight and knowing that she could have an accident in a paper bag is what makes it funny. She has kept her guardian angel very busy.

You should charter that plane. What a fun memory!
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ITRR - Must be nice to own a plane. I always dreamed of chartering a small plane to fly to a nearby island for a day, then fly back, pretending I was some VIP. Haha.

I almost clipped someone's wing too with my Cessna 2-seater, but thanks to my flight instructor, a very good woman pilot, a terrible accident was averted. Through her, I met a group of WASPs at a woman pilots meeting, and heard some incredible WWII stories from the WASPs.

GA - I hope you will like the simulator flights. When I did those, I tend to get disoriented. The simulators I used were to train pilots to fly at night, so there was only a line on the screen to indicate the horizon, otherwise everything was dark.
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GA, that is awesome.

I know you will have a blast, without all the actual dangers;-)

I think that it should be required to use a simulator until you have some knowledge of the things that can happen, especially now that there are so many flying objects.

Have fun!
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ITRR and PolarBear,  I literally forgot to breathe when I learned that there are others here who are interested in planes, and far more than I've done, have taken flying lessons.

But, alas, there's still hope.  My father's senior center has arranged for a training module to be available, and limited lessons (I think it's now $5/session) for seniors, taught by a  local pilot.  I won't be learning to fly a P-51, or B-29 (as my father did), but I'll be learning.
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Polarbear, I was ready to do my solo when I met my husband. He told me he would never fly in a small airplane, so I stupidly, did not get my license.

Hindsight, I wish I had finished and got it. He has learned to enjoy flying over the past 25 years. Go figure, right?

Anyway, the Cessna I co-owned had to stay in NV and I was moving to AZ to be with my love. I didn't want the headache of owning a plane solo, to expensive and time consuming to never fly. Which during the honeymoon phase would have never happened.

I think every student pilot has a close midair call. I was using my instructor's overhead wings and mine was under wings, I almost flew into the bottom of another plane. I think that it was a good thing he wouldn't let me land, I was so scared I think I would have quit. I praise The Lord for protecting us that day.

Beatty, LL, thanks. It is what these women do and dang, some are really good at it. I hate when I weaved when I should have bobbed and she gets me.
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ITRR - Did you get your pilot license? I didn't, but I logged about 40 hours of flight time then 911 tragedy put a stop to my fly lessons and I never continued after that, but it was a good thing I stopped though because I had a really close call midair. Still love flying though.
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ITTR: "arrows" - great description, I agree Beatty.
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Isthisrealyreal LOL 😂😂😂

"arrows" what an fantastic description..

Folk in my lot put what I called *hints* out or send a *ball* my way to catch.. I must dodge & weave.. I will add "arrows" to my vocab!

Shields UP!!
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This might not be the right place to post this but, anyone with a passive aggressive narcissistic mom can understand the humor in the following.

I call my mom a couple of times a month and she is always shooting arrows. It literally never ends.

I keep things superficial to try and avoid any arrows but, I know when she makes a non-sequitor comment that something is coming and it is never nice.

So today she tells me that her neighbor is mad at her daughter, (whom is 45 years old and has always lived with her parents, her parents raised her daughter), and she says in a whining voice, "I told her that she should be happy she has her to be mad at. She could be like me, all alone."

I didn't even miss a beat and responded, "Ya know, it just hurts my heart that Suzie failed to launch. So sad for her."

You could feel the wind from the speed that the subject was changed 450 miles away.

It truly is sad that she doesn't get her actions and selfishness are why she doesn't have anyone close, if she was a dog the law would have required her to be put down decades ago for being a vicious biter. And she is not improving with age:-(
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Lol.
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Send, it is true! When I had to do simulated stalls, broke a sweat every single time I cut the engines. Still gives me nerves to think about it.

Good joke.
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A propellar on a plane is just there to keep the pilot cool.

Proof is that when the propeller stops, the pilot stars to sweat.
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More comments by Spike Milligan:

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

I speak Esperanto like a native.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons why the Chinese never invented custard.

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
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