I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
Do you mean back before the turn of the century?
"How many Charleston docents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three: One to hold the ladder, one to screw in the lightbulb, and one to stand back and Tell The History OF it."
(For best effect, exaggerate the word OF with your best Southern accent!)
So when Ronny's 18th birthday came 'round he and his pal Mike took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Ronny stepped out of the boat and.... nearly drowned!
Mike just barely managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, Ronny, went to see his grandmother.
'Grandma,' he asked, "It's my 18th birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"
Granny looked deeply into Ronny's troubled brown eyes and said,
"Because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were all born in winter when the lake is frozen, and you were born in August, ya dip sh*t.
'For three days after death, hair and finger nails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off'
He scrubbed everything, even used bleach, it was so clean!
Today, I am putting the cockroach in the bathroom.
Ghosts are just people who died trying to fold a fitted sheet over their head.
May those who love us, love us. For those who don’t, may God turn their hearts so that they love us. And if that doesn’t work, may God turn their ankles so that we may know them by their limp.
1. At my funeral, take the bouquet off my coffin,
and throw it out into the crowd,
whoever catches it is next.
I was considering heading to the ballet (?) for a check up -
I heard that a little culture would help (as long as the weather holds up).
Gee, the things I learn...
I have to tell a story about spiders.
I had a squash that was obviously cross pollinated, who knew what it was. So, I decided to break it up and compost it. I come in the house shaking and visibly upset. My husband asks me what was wrong. I tell him that when I hit that squash to bust it a HUGE spider came flying out of it, there was an obvious hole but who would have thought, and hit me in the chest. Scared the beejeebers outta me. He said, "I didn't even hear you." I said "there was nothing to hear, it hit me in the chest and I ran." He said, "If that happened to a Guy, you would have heard it downtown, as they tried to jump to the moon screaming like a girl." I pointed out that it would not have been like a girl, because this girl didn't utter a sound (mostly because I was scared senseless) so they would have been screaming like a guy.
I learned my lesson well, if there is a hole in something in the garden, something lives there and could very well attack whomever is trying to destroy their home. Now I put those items whole in the compost bin and that serves as their eviction notice.
Thanks for the laugh!
That's basically their life.
Honey. Nut. Cheerio.
30 min ago
SH: Light yellow, yellow is ok, if it's clear and not cloudy.
K: Now I'm confused... what's the weather got to do with it?? ;)
Lol Kantankorus,
E v e r y b o d y knows that c o n f u s i o n is one of the symptoms of a UTI
in the elderly, whether or not your urine is golden. 💡
Penny for your thoughts....
K: Now I'm confused... what's the weather got to do with it?? ;)
I see why now.
“These,” she explained, “are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.” She then asked, “What do you do in America with your old goats?”
A spry old gentleman answered, “They send us on bus tours!”
😂
Oct 7, 2021
True story:
I was talking one day with an elderly lady about our “golden years”. She said “The only thing golden is our pee.”
Sendhelp said:
5 hours ago
Once your urine turns "golden", it is time to test it for a UTI.
Light yellow, yellow is ok, if it's clear and not cloudy.
Gershun,
My comment WAS the punchline.
Also, “golden” means I’m not drinking enough water!
Anyone who doesn’t cut their speed at the sight of a police car is probably parked.