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Hallah
Do you mean back before the turn of the century?
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I grew up in Savannah, GA, steeped in Old South tradition like Charleston, SC; here's a lightbulb joke:

"How many Charleston docents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three: One to hold the ladder, one to screw in the lightbulb, and one to stand back and Tell The History OF it."

(For best effect, exaggerate the word OF with your best Southern accent!)
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The ‘90s don’t seem so far away until you refer to them as the late 1900’s.
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Ronny had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition, it seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.
 
So when Ronny's 18th birthday came 'round he and his pal Mike took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Ronny stepped out of the boat and.... nearly drowned!
Mike just barely managed to pull him to safety.
 
Furious and confused, Ronny, went to see his grandmother.
 
'Grandma,' he asked, "It's my 18th birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"
 
Granny looked deeply into Ronny's troubled brown eyes and said,
"Because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were all born in winter when the lake is frozen, and you were born in August, ya dip sh*t.
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I’m not quite sure that my computer is on the save wavelength as us, but this was this morning’s quote from Johnny Carson:

'For three days after death, hair and finger nails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off'
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Yesterday, my husband with OCD thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen.
He scrubbed everything, even used bleach, it was so clean!

Today, I am putting the cockroach in the bathroom.
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Ghosts
Ghosts are just people who died trying to fold a fitted sheet over their head.
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My computer this morning:

May those who love us, love us. For those who don’t, may God turn their hearts so that they love us. And if that doesn’t work, may God turn their ankles so that we may know them by their limp.
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Ogden Nash’s comment on ‘kitten’ girls: ‘They usually turn into cats!’
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Advance Directives....it is a work in progress.

1. At my funeral, take the bouquet off my coffin,
and throw it out into the crowd,
whoever catches it is next.
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HBF, I laughed my butt off on that story! You can tell others you were just practicing for actual battle when the time comes.
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Another spider story okay? My kids still kid me today about that huge black spider I nailed! Over and over, I slapped that thing until I was sure it would never move again! My girl looked at it and began to laugh "way to go, Mom, you really took care of that black YARN spider! "
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Ta muchly, Sendhelp,
I was considering heading to the ballet (?) for a check up -
I heard that a little culture would help (as long as the weather holds up).
Gee, the things I learn...
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Hallah, I almost spewed coffee reading about your cardio web exercise .

I have to tell a story about spiders.

I had a squash that was obviously cross pollinated, who knew what it was. So, I decided to break it up and compost it. I come in the house shaking and visibly upset. My husband asks me what was wrong. I tell him that when I hit that squash to bust it a HUGE spider came flying out of it, there was an obvious hole but who would have thought, and hit me in the chest. Scared the beejeebers outta me. He said, "I didn't even hear you." I said "there was nothing to hear, it hit me in the chest and I ran." He said, "If that happened to a Guy, you would have heard it downtown, as they tried to jump to the moon screaming like a girl." I pointed out that it would not have been like a girl, because this girl didn't utter a sound (mostly because I was scared senseless) so they would have been screaming like a guy.

I learned my lesson well, if there is a hole in something in the garden, something lives there and could very well attack whomever is trying to destroy their home. Now I put those items whole in the compost bin and that serves as their eviction notice.

Thanks for the laugh!
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Male bees die after mating.

That's basically their life.

Honey. Nut. Cheerio.
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Wee & rain.. are you talking about 'golden showers' now..? 😆
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Kantankorus
30 min ago
SH: Light yellow, yellow is ok, if it's clear and not cloudy.
K: Now I'm confused... what's the weather got to do with it?? ;)


Lol Kantankorus,
E v e r y b o d y knows that c o n f u s i o n is one of the symptoms of a UTI
in the elderly, whether or not your urine is golden. 💡

Penny for your thoughts....
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Gershun, you should have seen me the other morning. Because of the dusk to dawn light at our patio door bugs and spiders are attracted. I opened the door, stepped out and ran headlong into a web. I’m just glad no one saw my reaction! It was hilarious- -now.
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SH: Light yellow, yellow is ok, if it's clear and not cloudy.
K: Now I'm confused... what's the weather got to do with it?? ;)
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I hear ya about the spider web Hallah.😂
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I heard the word “icy” is easy to spell.

I see why now.
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I just did a week’s worth of cardio after walking in to a spider web.
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Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Switzerland . As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
“These,” she explained, “are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.” She then asked, “What do you do in America with your old goats?”
A spry old gentleman answered, “They send us on bus tours!”
😂
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A fool and his money are never around when you need them
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Last year, DH gave me a magic soup tureen with 1 year warranty. Put the tureen and a recipe on the counter and soup magically appears. Its been 10 months and I’m looking for a warranty renewal.
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Gotcha Send! ☺
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hallah said:
Oct 7, 2021
True story:
I was talking one day with an elderly lady about our “golden years”. She said “The only thing golden is our pee.”


Sendhelp said:
5 hours ago
Once your urine turns "golden", it is time to test it for a UTI.
Light yellow, yellow is ok, if it's clear and not cloudy.


Gershun,
My comment WAS the punchline.
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Gotcha hallah! :)
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Send, Gershun, I just found humor in the lady’s comment to me. No punchline.


Also, “golden” means I’m not drinking enough water!
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This morning's computer cheer:
Anyone who doesn’t cut their speed at the sight of a police car is probably parked.
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