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My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger brother.
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Grandma, maybe they only work when actively engaged.

Try strapping your pillow to your head?

Or maybe it's because the pillows are many torn pieces and it absorbs the memories?

Maybe our brains are in our feet?

Hmmm? Here's to hoping you remember $#!+ today. ;-)
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@Isthisrealyreal....I use a Memory Foam pillow how come I CRS (can't remember sh**) from day to day?
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Hallah, nope, it has nothing to do with that!

It's because you don't have your memory foam shoe inserts in. ;-)
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A guy walks into a bar.
He has a newt on his shoulder.
Bartender asks, What's that on your shoulder.
Man says that's a newt.
Bartender asks, what's his name.
Man says, his name is Tiny.
Bartender says, that's an odd name why Tiny.
Man says cuz he's my newt.
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Doorways cause forgetfulness. When you go from one room to another to get something and forget what you wanted, you stepped through a doorway. Had to be the doorway causing your forgetfulness.
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Yesterday…
Headline: Neuroscientists discover 4 rituals for happiness.
Me: clicks link
link: Sorry. This page does not exist.
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This is an oldie. Maybe a groaner?

A farmer was driving his tractor towing a wagon full of manure past an insane asylum. An inmate saw him and asked “What are you doing with that manure?” The farmer replied “I’m going to put it on my strawberries.” The inmate said “Come in here. We get cream on our strawberries!”
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Margaret, loved that video. Aussies - such class eh?
Dolly is a legend - she's still got it alright 🤩
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They said a mask and gloves was enough to go to the grocery store. When I got there, everyone else had clothes on.


Silly I know, soz. But gave me a chuckle as most of the grocery shops around here are all on the 'exposure site' list today 😄
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If you can cope with rock music and the occasional swear word, try playing this one (or sent the link to your grandchildren - teenage, please). It’s funny!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SnBtOPUMyqU

That reminded me of Dolly Parton. I’d love to hear it with all the backing:
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-56261397
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More jokes please! I’ve read them all, two or three times. After my wife was tucked into bed, I would sit down in my rocker to relax by reading the jokes on here. Very therapeutic! There were times I laughed so hard I was surprised I didn’t wake her.
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A couple of weeks ago I posted a joke about Ageing Barbie and her appropriate gear. I was a bit startled yesterday when I passed the toy section in a shop and saw Barbie packaged with a wheelchair. Flexible knees and all! I’m waiting for Bifocal Barbie to come next. I've heard of 'dreams come true', but 'jokes come true' is something else!
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'Future looks spotty. You will spill soup in late afternoon'.

That was my computer’s start-up message this morning. Not quite sure why it made me laugh!
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A wife wanted to buy her husband an unusual birthday gift. She visited a small, quaint little gift shop and told the owner she was looking for something rare and unusual for her husband’s birthday gift. The owner went to the back room and returned with a very hairy, very odd looking object. The proprietor said it’s called a Wooly Bugger. “What does it do?” she asked. The proprietor said to watch. He pointed to a wooden box and said “Wooly Bugger, the box.” The Wooly Bugger tore into the box and completely shredded it. Next the store owner pointed to a chair and said “Wooly Bugger, the chair.” Wooly Bugger destroyed the chair too. The woman said she would buy it.

She took it home, wrapped it up and presented it to her husband for his birthday. He unwrapped it, looked at it and asked what it was. She said “It’s a Wooly Bugger.” Her husband replied “Yeah. Right! Wooly Bugger my a$$!”
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At my daughter gymnastics school, they have open gym sessions where kids can have free play. At one session, a few younger kids (5-8) decided to annoy the older kids (teens) by following them everywhere around the gym. The older kids told the younger ones to leave them alone to no avail. So, they came up with a trick.

Teens: "Let's play hide and seek. We'll count, and you go hide. You have one minute."

Kids quickly ran away and hid around the gym.

Teens: "Yay! We lost them." (Continue talking to each other...)

The kids waited many many long minutes for the teens to go look for them, finally came out to ask...

Kids: "Why didn't you go look for us?"

Teens: "Oh, we forgot. We'll count again. One minute."

Kids ran away again.

Many minutes later...

Kids: "You didn't go look for us. You tricked us. We'll never fall for your trick again."

Teens: "Ok. Thirty seconds."

Kids hurriedly scattered.
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I'm not sure how funny this quote it - it was on my computer this morning:

'Washington DC is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm' John F Kennedy
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Herman James volunteered for the Marine Corps fifty one years ago.
On his first day in basic training the Marines issued him a comb.
That afternoon they cut off all his hair.
On the second morning they issued him a tooth brush.
that afternoon they yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third morning they issued him a jock strap.
The Marine Corps has been looking for Herman for the last fifty one years.
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A man riding the bus was minding his own business when a young woman seated next to him started to breast-feed her baby.
the baby wouldn't take the breast and she said."Come on sweetie ,eat it up or ill have to give it to this nice man next to us."
five minutes later the baby still refused to suckle.
the young woman said."Come on honey take it or ill give it to this nice man."
A few minutes later the man blurted out."Come on kid make up your mind.I was supposed to get off this bus four stops back!"
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I said "did you know I have short memory loss?"

my friend said "oh no, I didn't know , did you see a doctor about it?"

I said back "did you know I have short memory loss?"
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More cross examinations that the lawyer almost immediately regretted. I do believe that these were real – the pressure when you are on your feet is quite high, and you are focused on the facts that you want to get straight, and don’t really focus on the answers. The blues are always remembered by the watching lawyers – like the guy in my year at law school who asked ‘Which car reached the point of impact first’. Anyway, here we go:

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes
Q: How many were boys?
A: None
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: So the date of the baby’s conception was 8 August
A: Yes
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: Can you describe the person you saw?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or a female?
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My husband and I decided that we don't want to have children.

We will be telling them at dinner tonight.
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My doctor asked me if anyone in my family suffered from mental illness.

My answer, "No, they all seem to enjoy it."
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Day 12 with no chocolate.

Lost hearing in left eye today.
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Parachute Club

Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me, again, asking why I didn't do something useful with my time. "Like sitting around the pool drinking wine isn't a good thing".
 
She is "only thinking of me," she said, and suggested, I go down to the Senior Center and hang out with the fellas. So, I did and when I got home, decided to play a prank on her. I sent her an e-mail saying that I had joined the Senior Parachute Club.
 
She replied, "Are you nuts? You're 79 years-old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?" I told her that I even had a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her.
 
Immediately, she telephoned me and yelled, "Good grief, Dad, where are your glasses?! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."
 
"Oh man, am I in trouble," I said, "I signed up for five jumps a week!"
 
The line went dead.
 
Life as a Senior Citizen isn't getting any easier, but sometimes it can be fun.
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My computer this morning:

Feeling disillusioned? Great new illusions on sale now in our July catalogue!
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More real lawyer’s cross examinations that didn’t help:

Q: What gear were you in at the time of the collision?
A: Just Tshirt and jeans.

Q:And where was the location of the accident?
A: Close to milepost 498.
Q: And where is milepost 498?
A: Between milepost 497 and 499.

Q: All your response must be oral, OK? So, what school did you go to?
A: Oral.
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PolarBear....
I am a little late to the party but all I can say is OUCH!
It is embarrassing to admit I had to look this up!
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I went to a very emotional wedding over the weekend. Even the cake was in tiers.
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Apparently real cross examinations that the lawyer almost immediately regretted:

Q: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the six year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
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