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Chocolate is my favorite
food group.
(2)
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This is worrisome humor.

As the moon rises, one notices a bright light that does not move.

One asks if that is a drone.

Another says it's a comet, but comets don't stay still.

After one is told, it is a planet, one responds that one does not keep up with plants.
(0)
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What is a New Year’s Resolution?

Something that goes in one year and out the other.
(5)
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Last year, I was able to keep all my New Year’s Resolutions…

tucked away in a journal on my bookshelf.
(3)
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What’s a spider’s New Year’s Resolution?

To spend less time on the web.
(4)
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Santa, the guy who works one day a year and spends the rest of the year judging you….
(1)
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I just ran across this old joke and I smiled despite myself so I'll share

I know someone with a terrible fear of giants....
Feefiphobia
(2)
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Santa is home and in bed now, so are all the reindeer. 🎅🤶🦌🦌🦌🦌🦌🦌🦌🦌💤💤
(2)
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Cwillie,
Santa leaving Ottawa, Ontario, Canada and heading to Albany, N.Y.
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Merry Christmas Anxietynacy and Margaret!
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Over 3.8 billion gifts already delivered.
Last seen over Norway, just after Copenhagen, Denmark.
Sleigh is a bit overloaded with coal this year.

Headed towards your house!
(1)
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Not sure that this was intended to be a joke, but our local international on-line news this Christmas morning has a headline “Mary Magdelen found in Sistine Chapel”. Perhaps Michaelangelo dug her up? Anyway, it made me laugh!

Happy Christmas to everyone, love from Margaret
(1)
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Santa's reindeer were cleared by the vet to fly the sled tonight.

Go, Rudolph
Dasher
Dancer
Prancer
Vixen
Comet
Cupid
Donner
Blitzen

Norad tracker has them over Dubrovnik, Croatia just now.
(1)
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Inmyshoes,

Perfect! ROTFLMAO
(1)
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Christmas Hint

Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up throw one of them in the fireplace
(5)
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Therapist, taking notes.
Santa lying on a sofa:
"When I was a kid, my parents told me I didn't exist."
(2)
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**Offering a heads up in advance, you might not want to read this joke.**

Please forgive the following, a joke.
My dH and I were discussing pets.
We often bring up "they are eating the pets".

Dh said that no one on Aging Care will get this joke, not ever.

Joke is:
"They are serving the pets at a high-end Mira Lago restaurant now."

Absolutely NO ONE is coming over for Christmas dinner.
(3)
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I used to be indecisive... But I’m just not sure anymore.
(7)
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Actually, it was "Peach" and "Blossom",
the names of the two Turkeys pardoned in 2024.
(1)
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Hello?
I am awake today.
And, I am not happy about it.

It's going to be everybody's problem.
(3)
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Call the Turkey Christmas Dinner.
(0)
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The people are not eating the dogs,
They are not eating the cats,
they are not eating the pets of the people that live there.
They are eating the turkeys now.
(2)
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Not a joke but a little humor in MIL’s latest fall and EMS trip to the ER .

She’s had so many falls outside walking to her car in the parking lot , resulting in going to the ER this year ( complete with CT Scans each time because she’s on blood thinners )……. that MIL said this time the ER doctor suggested Assisted Living . I thought it was funny , even the ER doctor agrees with DH and I .
(3)
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My brother is 65 and had a TBI injury in 1979. (Drunk driver hit him.) He has dementia and is physically handicapped from the accident. I take care of him but frankly, he makes my day most of the time. Sometimes he forgets to ask nicely for something. This morning he wanted a cup of coffee and it wasn't so much of a request but sounded a tad demanding. I asked him what the magic word was.....he didn't miss a beat.....and said "abracada!"
(6)
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Mum has 2 pet rats. One day she thought she saw one on the bookcase. She fed the rats - cage open when something happened behind her back. Next feed time there were 3 rats. I clean the cage and hope visitor wants to go. No, it's having a great time in luxury. Mum is feeding it gormay foods. Go to clean cage oh there is no 3rd rat. Ok where is it? In the kitchen. It's got to go! There is no food available, except when Mum is sneaking it an apple a day. I judiciously place ratsack around. Mum removes some. She goes to club and that's my time to get the rat. It is confined to a nest it has made, under the draw set. I put ratsack down in there. Ok set to go. Next morning, Mum has left defrosed steak out for it.
Wow! Following morning, the extension cord to the microwave is short and on the table. Oh thank goodness the switch is off. I leave the breakfast time tablets on the table and go back to bed. I go to put on a load of washing. Machine not working. It occurs that l should check the switch board. Well l finally get it.
Rat prefers meal with zing to ratsack. Thank goodness for cut off switches. Mum first saw wire and dead friend. She is up and l refer to cut cord while she points out dead rat.
This adventure happened over about 6 months. I still clean the cage, when she goes to club as dementia means she won't attend to it. Thankfully, she feeds them and l check water levels. She can't really look after them and they have never been socialised, consequently they are prisioners. Long story short rats and Mum are amazing survivors working with what they have.
(3)
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One thing we should all appreciate about IKEA
is they will not sell furniture to people
who can not escape a labyrinth
(3)
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Introvert translations

maybe I'll come - I'm not coming
I'll let you know - I'm not coming
I'm not sure yet - I'm very sure I'm not coming
I'll try and come - I won't be trying anything
Ill think about it - I don't need to think about anything, I'm not coming
(7)
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the fact that Keith Richards has
outlived Richard Simmons
really makes me question this whole
healthy eating and exercise thing
(10)
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No matter what's going on in your life
there's some form of potato that can make it better
(6)
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😉 Parents have a favorite child. If they tell you they don’t, then it’s not you!
(7)
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