mrsribit Posted August 2012
Jokes needed to lighten our day. Enter at your own risk!
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I bought a new pair of shoes with memory foam inserts, no more forgetting why I walked in a room!
I am an inquisitive person and frankly, I found those scenes in those romance novels to be hotter than visual porn. Thus, I kept peeking a read in those books even when I was with my mother in the used book store.
Well read are you?
Sorry, I am done teasing now. Maybe, bro.
I know this because I looked at what they were reading both at the beach and sometimes at home.
Your's was a bloody good joke!
"reminds me of a few romance novels that I've seen that many women read (like my stepmom, mom and aunts) at the beach plus some girls like my two step-sisters read at the beach when all of us were teens."
You know this because....???
I didn't intend my comments as a response claiming the joke as unfair, but how such humour also applies to many women.
Women like porn, but mainly the written kind although some women like my wife like visual porn. I think many male porn actors would love to hear their anatomy described like these porn romance novels do. Even if you, as a man, just barely came close to the descriptions, it would be quite an ego trip to read.
Please enjoy my intended humor here and earlier.
I went through a stage of devouring Mills&Boon ‘romance’ when I was pregnant a long time ago (before they got a bit raunchy). Each one took about 3 hours to read, and was a fair equivalent in time and effect to a tranquilliser. Have a snigger at that – I do now!
The next section of this current joke book is ‘kid’s jokes’, and the bit I’m up to currently is guaranteed to offend anyone of any religious persuasion at all. My favorite is about David, who “had a hundred wives and three hundred porcupines”. Look after yourself and please enjoy a giggle. Margaret.
But after careful consideration of the whole concept, I decided to wash my hands of it.
Movie nudity and porn are how you describe it, but it reminds me of a few romance novels that I've seen that many women read (like my stepmom, mom and aunts) at the beach plus some girls like my two step-sisters read at the beach when all of us were teens.
Here's my summary and contrast to what you wrote about and men movies.
Romance novels are written with you in mind.
Romance novel nudity is mainly male.
Romance novels develop a real storyline that women like.
While male movies and porn mainly focuses on upper body female nudity
in romance novels focus on lower body male nudity plus upper body.
Recently, I have heard or read that women are now writing porn which means that they have real story development like a romance novel and possibly written more for women than just men.
Movie nudity is virtually almost female.
Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
You can open all your own jars.
Your physique from the neck down is rarely an issue in job interviews.
You can go for a leak without taking someone with you.
You get extra credit for any small act of thoughtfullness.
If you are 34 and single, no-one asks.
You can admire a movie star without starving yourself to look that way.
Same work – more pay. (Me- I almost didn’t put this one in)
People never check your chest when they talk to you.
!!!
BFF -Best friend fell
BTW- Bring the wheelchair
TTYL- Talk to you louder
BYOT- Bring your own teeth
LMDO - Laughing my dentures out
IMHAO- Is my hearing aid on?
ROTFLACGU - Rolling on the floor laughing and can't get up
The day after his funeral the wife was talking to a friend and said that it took some doing but, she had spent the 30k on his funeral. The friend asked how she did it. Well, I spent 6,000.00 on the casket, 4k on the church, flowers, food and music. Then I spent the rest on the memorial stone.
Her friend was astonished at the cost of the memorial stone and asked "20k for the memorial stone? How big is it?"
Oh, about 4 carats, replied the wife.
Monday morning, Sam walks into his boss’s office. “Sir, I’ll be straight with you, I know the economy isn’t great, but I have three companies very interested in me – they’re constantly calling, and I would like to respectfully ask for a raise.”
After a few minutes of haggling the boss finally agrees to a 7% raise, and Sam happily gets up to leave.
“By the way,” asks the boss as Sam is getting up, “which three companies keep calling you?”
“If you must know,” says Sam, “It’s the electric company, water company, and phone company.”
An accident victim needs a brain transplant. The surgeon says it’s possible, but you have to pay for the transplant brain as well as the surgery. How much? Well the going rate for male brains is $500, for female brains $200.
Fury from victim's daughter! Why are female brains less valuable?
Answer: Most of them have already had quite a lot of use.
She's still not talking to me.
I got called pretty today! Well, the full statement was "You're pretty annoying " but, I only focus on positive things.
Bob and his wife are killed in a horrific car crash with two of Bob’s friends. St Peter at the pearly gates says ‘Heaven’s a big place, so we give newcomers some transport to find their way around. What you get depends on how well you’ve gone with the “shalt not commit” commandment’.
The first friend has had three wives and multiple affairs. He gets a bicycle. The second friend managed one wife and not too much on the side. He gets a beat-up VW. Bob’s had one wife, no sex before marriage, and no affairs. He gets a Ferrari, and zooms off.
His mates catch up with him just down the yellow brick road, sobbing over the steering wheel. ‘What’s wrong, Bob?’ ‘I stopped to check out all these dials and gauges, and my wife just passed me on a skate board!’
Humpty Dumpty was pushed!
As he walked to the door, she started yelling that she hoped he died a long, slow, painful death.
He turned around and said, so you want me to stay...
This old cowboy with the cowboy boots and all the trimmings sits down in a middle west bar with a young lady. She says ‘Are you a real cowboy?’. He says yes, with details. She says, ‘Well I’m a lesbian. When I get up in the morning I think about women. Whatever I do, it makes me think about women’. Next a young couple come into the bar and also ask if he’s a real cowboy, or just rhinestone. He says ‘I thought I was, but now I’m wondering if I’m really a lesbian’.
But if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your phone, and takes your money ... You either married it or gave birth to it.
A guy is driving up a steep winding mountain road, when a woman driver comes down in the opposite direction, veering over the center lane. As she comes towards him, she yells ‘Pig’. The guy is incensed, yells out the window ‘B*tch’. Just around the corner he collides with a large pig in the middle of the road.
"Next time a stranger talks to me and I am alone. I am going to look at him all shocked and whisper quietly, "You can see me?".
New prescription states: Do not lie down after taking it.
Take twice a day, morning and at bedtime. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Why they list all the adverse effects anyway? I always have about 9 out of ten symptoms before taking the medication.
Pharmacist giving "how to take instructions" for new medicine, while masked, and behind plexiglass. She moves away from plexiglas, starts to whisper the last possible side effect into my ear..... D I A R R H E A !
Am I going to get Covid now? Maybe in my ear?
My computer is apparently becoming a bit fixated on mental illness:
‘Psychiatry is the care of the id by the odd’ C Jung