I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
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Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?
A: Envelope.
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Two blondes were shopping at the mall. When they were done, they went out to their car, an awesome leather-interior convertible, but they realized they had locked the keys in the car. So they both kind of stood there and thought for a while. Then one of the girls had the bright idea to try to open the car with a coat hanger, so she started fiddling with the lock. The other blonde looked up at the sky, became very worried, and pleaded, "Hurry, hurry! It's going to rain and we left the top down!"
FROM ME : I ALSO HAVE BEEN A BLOND IN MY TIME (I THINK - AGEING MEMORY) LOL
Officer:Ok, Double click on “My computer”
Pappu:I can’t see ur computer..
Officer:No no.. click on “My computer” on ur computer..
Pappu:How can I click on ur computer from my computer?..
Officer:listen.. There is an icon labelled “My Computer” on ur computer.. Ok. double click on it..
Pappu:what the hell, what is your computer doing on my computer..???
Officer:Double click on ur computer..
Pappu:On which Icon i’ve to click..
Officer:“My Computer”..
Pappu:…Oh u Idiot…… Tell me where is ur office…I’ll come there and click on ur “Computer.
and
What do you call a lawyer who doesn't know the law? A judge.
After a few days the kids went to visit MOM. they ask her how she liked the place. Mom started answering that the food good, the help was friendly and pleasant, the garden was beautiful. And while answering and telling she began to lean to one side. Immediately an aide came running over to catch Mom and straighten her up. Some she started to lean the other way. Again an aide ran over and straightened her up. When the aide left Mom said her only complaint was that they would not let her fart.
Three doctors are discussing which types of patients they prefer.
Doctor Watson says, ''I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetised.''
Doctor Fitzpatrick says, ''I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.''
Doctor Ahn says, ''I prefer lawyers. They’re gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear-ends are interchangeable.''
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
They take time to go to a restaurant two times a week: a little candlelight dinner, soft music, and a slow walk home.
The Mrs. goes on Tuesdays; He goes on Fridays.
Late one night a burglar broke into a house and while he was sneaking around he heard a voice say, "Jesús is watching you." He looked around and saw nothing. He kept on creeping and again heard, "Jesús is watching you." In a dark corner, he saw a cage with a parrot inside. The burglar asked the parrot, "Was it you who said Jesús is watching me" The parrot replied, "Yes." Relieved, the burglar asked, "What is your name?" The parrot said, "Clarence." The burglar said, "That's a stupid name for a parrot. What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot answered, "The same idiot that named the rottweiler Jesús."
After the community sing-along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show - Claude the Hypnotist!
Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance. "Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time," said Claude.
The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew, from his waistcoat pocket, a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain.
"I want you to keep your eyes on this watch" said Claude, holding the watch high for all to see
"It's a very special and valuable watch that has been in my family for six generations," said Claude.
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch --- watch the watch ---- watch the watch.
The audience became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth.
The lights were twinkling as they were reflected from its gleaming surfaces.
A hundred and fifty pairs of eyes followed the movements of the gently swaying watch.
They were all hypnotized.
And then, suddenly, the chain broke!!!
The beautiful watch fell to the stage and burst apart on impact.
"S**T," shouted Claude.
It took them three days to completely clean up the Senior Citizens' Center and Claude was never invited back again.
"When I find myself walking through the valley of the shadow of death, I remind myself not to trust Google Maps again."
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
One was crying in the corner and the other one was shouting,
''HELP! HELP!"
Then the one crying had an idea,
''Why don't we shout together?''
"Okay," said the other blonde.
''TOGETHER! TOGETHER!"
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I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
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Boy: The principal is so dumb!
Girl: Do you know who I am?
Boy: No...
Girl: I am the principal's daughter!
Boy: Do you know who I am?
Girl: No...
Boy: Good! *Walks away*
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I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
The man replied, "Yes, I do."
FYI ... she told 3 people within 10 minutes & never worried about it again
The wife, amused at first, chuckles
A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of this.
"Mother of six," he would say, "what’s for dinner tonight? Get me a beer!"
She gets very frustrated.
Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, "Mother of six, I think it's time to go!"
The wife immediately shouts back, "I'll be right with you, father of four!"
He responded: "Explain the children to me."
(Not one to make a fuss)
But I can't stand it when a sentence doesn't end
The way I think it octopus
hehehe just a bit of memory problem
That's a real "Thinker" of a joke and so true.I think broken bones don't hurt near as much as when someone stomps on my heart~
Thanks for sharing that one~
Don't break anybody's heart; they only have 1. Break their bones; they have 206.
Isthisrealyreal
Now that IS funny. hehehe