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Quitting smoking, now that’s a tough one. My wife and I made a deal, we’ll only smoke after sex. I’ve had the same pack now since 1975.
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I tell ya, sex is getting harder all the time. Me and my wife were trying to have sex for hours last night and I finally gave up. I asked her, “what, you can’t think of anybody either?
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I asked my wife last night, “Were you faking it?” She said, “No, I was really sleeping.
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“My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.”
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“My wife’s a lousy cook. After dinner, I don’t brush my teeth. I count them.”
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I advised my spouse to accept her errors. She hugged me.
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Fell into a vat of wine once. I’ve been in high spirits since.
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My guardian angel filed for a transfer. - RD
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My wife said I never listen. At least, that’s my interpretation of her words. - RD
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Attempted a joke about elevators, had their highs and lows. - RD
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor. They sent a priest up to talk to me. He said, “On your mark…” - RD
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Did you know that in Hawaii it is illegal to laugh loudly?

One must keep their laugh to a low ha.
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I'm not old, I just need some WD-40.
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Here's my modification of a previous joke.

"Sometimes, one doesn’t have one's ducks in a row, and one's pond is drying up."
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Life doesn’t come with a manual.
However, which mother it comes with is not optional.
Without the dad's contribution, it is not possible.
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This is a funny anecdote: When my Alzheimer's-ridden mom wanted to tell someone that she had pounded the pavement, looking for a job (accounting) in NY after college, but what she said was, Ï walked the streets of NY, if you know what I mean," I laughed, in spite of the stress of caregiving. Whenever she would say or do something funny, I jotted it down. It was therapeutic. These anecdotes (mostly funny) became a book: "My Mother Has Alzheimer's and My Dog Has Tapeworms: A Caregiver's Tale." Writing and then laughing (not at my mom, but at the disease), became my lifeline.
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🙂🙂 haha, just trying to make us laugh/smile, despite all we’re going through.

here’s a huggg for the difficult time you’re going through!!!

in fact, a huggg to all of us. i know it’s really hard.
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BOJ, I'm finding things difficult at present, and I want to tell you how much I appreciate you taking the trouble to post the jokes. Even the bad ones! Lots of Love, Margaret
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🥰 Mornings…
When a whole day of food is ahead of you.
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Let’s get this party started
because I need to be in bed by 9:00.
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Probably late for something.
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One day you’re not old.
And the next day you have a favorite grocery store.
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🤔 Are you kidding me?? Or are you Julying to me?
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Life doesn’t come with a manual.
It comes with a mother.
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I was going to throw in the towel
but then I remembered how much laundry I already have.
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🏖️🏝️🏖️🏝️
Just go. It’s bad manners to keep your passport waiting.
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I LOVE these joke tidbits!!

Not a joke so much, but one day I showed up to mom’s MC with a ukele, plastic leis to hand out, and wearing a GIANT orange muumuu, and announced, “ We’re going to Hawaii today!” Confession: this was probably more for my sake than hers, but later I realized that mom and some residents actually thought they had gone to Hawaii. I felt like a wizard.

Also forgot a change of clothes ( I live 1 hr away ) and had to run errands, went to post office and grocery store in said orange muumuu. No one batted an eye so I wonder what my natural vibe is hahaha

Still bringing the Ukelele to MC because it is a magical instrument.
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People are really great
as long as you don’t get to know them.
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You only get one body
and you’ve already ruined it.
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The word “phonetically” doesn’t even start with an f.
Sh*t like this is why aliens fly straight past us.
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