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Disappointment (noun)

Receiving no likes on witty status update.
(2)
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🤔 I have no idea why I’m out of bed.
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🥰 I wish I could copy paste you into my bed.
(1)
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🥰 You are the perfect idiot for me.
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🙂🙂 I play dumb for smart reasons.
(1)
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Covid-19
Day 20

I ordered a chicken and egg from Amazon.
I’ll let you know.
(1)
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Brothers-In-Lawns
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I Like To Mow It Mow It
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Murphy’s Lawn
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🙂 Lawn Enforcement
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😆 So many funny jokes.
I can't take much mower of this.
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🥰 I’m sexy
and I mow it.
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Lawn & Order
Special Mowing Unit
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My neighbour asked me if he could use my lawn mower.

I said, “Sure, just don’t take it out of the yard.”
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🙂 My favorite mythical creatures are decent men.
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🥰 Your clothes would look nice on my bedroom floor.
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Doctor: All right, this is the part where I’m just going to google it and we both pretend I’m not.
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Doctor asks elderly patient questions, to check for dementia.

Dr: What day is today?

Mom: Thursday.

Dr: What year is this?

Mom: 2024.

Dr: Who is the president?

Mom: (long pause) Ohhh… uh, some ***hole.

Dr: Close enough.
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🙂 If it first you don't succeed, order some pizza.
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I'm not impatient, I just patient really fast.
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Unlike the brain, the stomach alerts you when it's empty.
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I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can’t get my wife to go swimming.
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My wife just said, “You weren’t even listening, were you?” That’s a funny way to start a conversation.
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Not doing anything with my life is surprisingly time-consuming.
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Do you know the verse of the Bible where it tells you how to turn water into wine? Asking for a friend.
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Sausage puns are the wurst.
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Would you believe that my neighbor came ringing my doorbell at 2:00 this morning? Luckily for him, I was still up playing bagpipes.
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I’m not the kind of guy to distance himself from anything… Far from it.
(1)
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You have no reason to fear zombies, do you?
(1)
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I am swift as a gazelle. An old one. With arthritis. Run over by a Land Rover. 8 days ago.
(1)
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