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I'm not saying I drink too much caffeine but I do believe
my body will keep moving 48 hours after my death.
(1)
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🙂🙂 I'm in great place right now. Maybe not emotionally, financially, mentally or physically. But there is coffee at this place.
(1)
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I came, I saw,
I started to conquer...

But I got tired and took a nap.
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Seriously...
You're going to look great embalmed.
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Never you say you know a person
until you have divided an inheritance with them.
(1)
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If you cry at my funeral
I'll never talk to you again.
(1)
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Life is what happens
when you put your phone down.
(3)
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🙂 All I want to do is sleep
and pet dogs.
(2)
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🙂 Exercising for just 10 minutes a day
raises your risk of posting inspirational quotes by 60%.
(1)
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Today
will be a day like every other day.
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There’s someone for everyone
except for you.
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A fun thing to do in the morning
is not talk to me.
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True love
is when two people lower their standards just the right amount.
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Be yourself

No one else wants to be you
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Some of my best friends
are carbs.
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Don’t be afraid to be different.
After all, people never really pay attention to you anyway.
(1)
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1. Wake up
2. Go online
3. Get offended
4. Repeat
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If you keep following your dreams
they’re going to file a restraining order.
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If you can’t handle me at my worst,
unfortunately that’s also my best.
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🙂 Done burning bridges.
Now burning the office.
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😉 It's never too early to feed the cat.
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😉 I can't drown my demons. They know how to swim.
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😉 I will no longer be fighting my inner demons. We're friends now.
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🙂 🥗 After all I’ve seen I just hope you find inner peas.
(1)
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🥚🍳 TGI FRIED EGG
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🥰🥰 Don’t go bacon my heart.
🍳 I couldn’t if I fried.
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🥚🥚😆😆 You crack me up!
(1)
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🥚🥚 Have an egg-cellent day!!
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🥰 When people ask me what’s more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating.
(1)
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If God wanted me to cook, why did he invent restaurants?
(1)
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