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🙂
I’m not trying to be difficult…
It just comes naturally.
(5)
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Wow, somebody needs a Happy Meal.
(3)
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The face uses more muscles to frown than to smile…

What can I say, I’m addicted to fitness.
(4)
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🥰🌸🥰
Excuse me but
my calculations show that:

you = the best
(2)
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🙂🙂🙂
Today I’m only talking to myself.
(4)
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🙂
I don’t hate you.
I’m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
(4)
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🙂
Hang on.
Let me make this awkward.
(2)
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🐶🐶🐶
Dogs do speak,
but only to those who know how to listen.
(4)
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🙃😍
If you think this silence is awkward, just wait until I start talking.
(4)
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🙃
I’ll do the stupid thing first
and then you shy people follow.
(3)
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It's so hot my mom's outside thermostat blew up. 🥵

(Not a joke)
(4)
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It's so hot, the cows are giving evaporated milk.
(7)
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Many, many years ago (waaaay before I was caring for my mom w/cognitive decline) the local newspaper ran an article about an event to raise awareness for Alzheimer's / Dementia. The headline was, "Join us this Saturday for the Dementia Walk. It will be an event to remember!" Uggh. 🙈 I remember cringing so hard when I read that. I don't even think they did it on purpose.
(7)
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🙃
I keep hearing people talk about what they’re going to do when they retire.

I’m gonna have to work right up to lunch on the day of my funeral.
(5)
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🙂
I’ve run out of excuses.
I will likely be a little late because of who I am as a person.
(4)
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!!!
They said all dreams come true. They forgot to mention that nightmares are dreams too.
(5)
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🙂
There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.
(6)
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🙂
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains gives hope to many people.
(8)
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🙂
When killing them with kindness doesn’t work, try a hockey stick. Results may vary.
(5)
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🙂
You may think I’m a horrible person.
But deep down I’m even worse.
(5)
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It's so hot my sweat is sweating! 🥵
(4)
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It's so Hot, I saw a chicken lay an omelette
(3)
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🙂🥰😍
I hope to arrive to my death -
late,
in love,
and a little drunk.
(3)
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Emotion are gross.
How do I uninstall them?
(3)
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Imagine if spiders giggled
while running away from us.
(2)
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June is almost over???
Julying!
(2)
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I’ll be saving my resolution for 2026.

I think I want to be an a***hole for 1 more year.
(3)
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Come here you big, beautiful cup of coffee & lie to me about how much we are going to get done today.
(2)
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I’m about 200% done with today and about 67% done with tomorrow already.
(2)
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Why is no one ever the right amount of
whelmed?
(4)
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