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Have you seen the elephant hiding? Of course not, he's hiding.
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I just got back from a time travelers convention next week.
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On a scale from 1 to Adele, how bad was your breakup?
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I childproof the house, but they still get in!
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I used to think the brain was the most wonderful organ in the human body... Then I realized who was telling me that.
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hope you're ok nacy!! by the way, it's bundle. you're accidentally writing bumble.

hugs & luck to all of us!!
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Well, well, well, three holes in the ground...
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Road works ahead.

“Yeah, I sure hope it does!”
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When sirens go by, you must say, “He won’t sell many ice creams going that fast”.
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A duck walks into a store and says, "One loaf of bread, and put it on my bill.”
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fans of yoda for:

"Named must be your fear before banishing it you can."

"When you look at the dark side, careful must be ... for the dark side looks back."

“I smell bacon.”

“So hilarious, these quotes are.”

“Early bird I am, coffee I must.”
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😊 I hate popular opinion. Just ask anyone.
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According to her diary, my girlfriend thinks I have "boundary issues".
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I invented a new word: Plagiarism.
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6 out of 7 dwarfs aren't Happy.
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😊 My girlfriend and I are both into feminism, but since I'm a man I'm better at it.
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Today someone knocked on my door and asked me for a small donation to the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
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The obituaries are concerning me. I'm a little worried because people are starting to die in alphabetical order.
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I want my remains scattered at Disneyland when I die....also, I don't want to be cremated.
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You boil a live lobster and you're a chef, but you boil a live kitten and then suddenly everybody has a problem.
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😊 I used to be arrogant but now I'm perfect.
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😊 I'm not a magician, I just constantly lose rabbits and handkerchiefs.
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My doctor just told me I'm suffering from paranoia... I mean he didn't actually say that, but I knew that's what the snide bastard was thinking.
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If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
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My lack of knowledge of Greek Literature has always been my Achilles' elbow.
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Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
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Roger: Good one!
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What do you call a cow with a nervous tic? Beef jerky LOL.
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Anyone who has time for drama is not gardening enough.
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What did the Jedi say to the tree? May the forest be with you.
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