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🙂

"Apparently this year
is being written by Stephen King."
(1)
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🙂🙂

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Me: Same.
(4)
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🙂🙂

"A fun thing about getting older
is how you can severely injure yourself
just by sleeping."
(2)
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🙂

"I can't prove this,
but I swear I used to be
smarter, funnier and less tired."
(1)
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🤮🤯😡

"At this point,
if a clown invited me into the woods, I'd just go."
(2)
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😇

"I try to contain my crazy
but the lid keeps popping off."
(3)
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❤️😇

"Let's all take a moment to be thankful
that I don't own a taser."
(1)
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🙂

"Love is a weird thing,
like you just pick a human and you're like
yes I like this one...
I'll let this one run my life forever."
(1)
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😘

"I'm kind of a lady,
but definitely more of a weirdo."
(2)
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😎

"You have no idea how far out of my comfort zone
my entire life is."
(1)
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❤️🙂

"What doesn't kill me
only makes me weirder
and harder to relate to."
(1)
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😉

"Been there --
regretted that."
(1)
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😉

"The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years
despite not having brains
is great news for you."
(2)
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😎

"It takes me like 3 days to wake up in the morning."
(2)
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😎😎

"I'd like to have my cake and eat it too.
I'd also like to have your cake and eat it too."
(2)
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❤️😇

"My 4 moods:
1.I need coffee
2.I need a nap
3.I need a vacation
4.I need duct tape, rope and a shovel."
(1)
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❤️

"When you feel the wind blowing through your hair,
it's time to shave your legs."
(3)
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❤️🙂

My personal style is best described as
"didn't expect to get out of the car".
(2)
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❤️

"PEOPLE...
not a big fan."
(2)
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❤️

I never finish anythi
(3)
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🤔

"Stress balls really work
when you shove them down someone's throat."
(1)
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😉

"Even my aches and pains have aches and pains."
(3)
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🤮🤯😡

Person: Hey what's up?

Me: My stress levels.
(2)
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🤮🤯😡

"I'm NOT stressed.
I'm relaxationally-challenged."
(3)
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❤️🙂 goooood morning!

“They say you slow down as you get older. I guess that’s true. These days it takes me twice as long to do nothing.”
(3)
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Alva.

Cute joke! 😊
(4)
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A group of gal-friends, 40s, were deciding where they would have dinner for their annual meetup. They decided on dinner at the Ocean View restaurant because the waiters there wore tight pants and were cute.
10 years later, the friends, now in their 50s had to again decide on the place for reunion, and again chose the Ocean View, this time because the food was great, and they liked the wine selection.
10 years later, now 60s, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Why not the Ocean View? They could eat in peace and quiet, and the view of the water made the place so serene.
Sure enough, time went flying by and at 70 the "girls" chose the Ocean View. Wheel chair accessible, and they'd just put in that new elevator.
Alas, another decade passed, and at 80 there they were, with yet another decision to make about where to have dinner.
They decided on the Ocean View because none of them had ever been there.

It's long, and it's stolen, but that just makes it all the more "me".
(8)
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Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Isaac Asimov
(5)
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❤️😎

A couple getting married.

Priest:
Do you take this optometrist for better or for worse? Better?...Worse?...Better?
(3)
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❤️

"Follows diet.
Diet doesn't follow back.
Unfollows diet."
(4)
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