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❤️🙂

"Still waiting for that fairytale scene
where the animals clean everything for me."
(3)
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😉

"Yeah I'm a pacifist.
I'm about to pass a fist
across his face."
(3)
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“A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.” —Dave Barry
(5)
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❤️🙂

"Due to the massive increase in deliveries,
FedEx and UPS have joined forces
and are now Fed-Up."
(6)
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😉

"For me, being 'chill' is getting to the airport 3 hours before take-off, so I can sit in a restaurant directly across from my gate and be anxious about missing my flight from there."
(3)
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❤️🙂

"I don't know how much coffee you had,
but you're at a 10,
and I'm gonna need you at a 3."
(2)
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😉

"Listen, being the family disappointment is a tough job,
but someone has to step up
and take one for the team."
(2)
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🙂

"One minute you're young and cool,
maybe even a little dangerous,
and the next minute you're reading amazon reviews for birdseed."
(1)
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🙂

"I'm not sure about an inner child,
but I have an inner idiot who surfaces every now and then."
(1)
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❤️🙂

"I'll get over it.
I just gotta be dramatic first."
(2)
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❤️

Anxiety:
Beware.

Me:
?? Can you be more specific?

Anxiety:
:)
(0)
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❤️

"What state do you live in?'"

Constant anxiety.
(1)
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❤️

"Yes. I have oreos. No. You may not have any."
(0)
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❤️

Dear New Year Resolutions,

Well, it was fun while it lasted.
(0)
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🙂

"I don't know who needs to hear this...
but you don't need anything from Amazon today."
(1)
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❤️

I am a recovering people pleaser.
(Is that OK?)
(3)
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❤️

"Sleep
is for people without internet."
(1)
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❤️

"Hey overthinkers, we're gonna to be OK."
(2)
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🙂 .......

"Overthinking in progress."
(1)
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🙂

"Quiet.
I'm overthinking."
(2)
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"I think about you every day.
***hole."
(1)
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❤️ true story...

"I'm all out of clever things to say."
(1)
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🙂

"Hold on. I've gotta overthink about it."
(1)
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🙂🙂

"I even overthink my overthinking."
(1)
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What do you get when you drop a piano down a coal mine?
.
.
.
.
.
A flat minor!
(4)
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“It seems I have spent a lifetime of mouthing mechanically, ‘Say thank you. Sit up straight. Use your napkin. Close your mouth when you chew. Don’t lean back in your chair.’ Just when I finally got my husband squared away, the kids came along.” —Erma Bombeck
(4)
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❤️🙂

"My dog is a genius...
I asked him what is two minus two, he said nothing."
(1)
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😉

"My wife says I'm too competitive.
I told her I already knew that."
(1)
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😉

"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted."
(3)
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My Mom with dementia lived with me full time said,,,,I’ve been sitting here in this heavy metal chair so long watching you repair the fence I’m stuck to this chair. me-I’ll get a large putty knife and scrape you off. Begin scraping and unbuckle belt keeping Mom from wandering off. mom-thank you young man. You can take a break from work and get me some cherry pie. Tell the kitchen help it’s for Irene in number 161.
(2)
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