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Apart from “life is short”
what other lines do you use before making bad decisions?
(2)
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I have terrible ideas
if you need any.
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🙂
I’ve never had a problem
that I couldn’t make worse.
(2)
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🙂

Sometimes my mind wanders off to a happy place where I’m allowed to punch people in the throat, and there are cute puppies and free cake.
(3)
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I will not kill my co-workers.
I will not kill my co-workers.
I will not...
OK. Maybe just one.
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🙂 so true...

Can't decide if I want to be cute & cuddly
or go blow something up.

Decisions...decisions...
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🙂
My 6-month trial of 2025 is almost over,
and I would like to return it.
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🥰🙂
I am too insane to explain
and you are too normal to understand.
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😉
When does season 2 of 2025 start?
I do not like season 1.
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🥰🙂
"You can't talk butterfly language
with caterpillar people."
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🙂🌈
How to tell you're an adult:
--you gain 30 lbs overnight
--you'd rather sleep than go out
--comfort comes before style
--you have a favorite spatula
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People need to understand the difference between want and need. Like I want abs, but I need donuts.
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🥰🙂🌈
What the world really needs…
is more love and less paper work.
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i just want abs… olutely all the bacon.
🙂🙂
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🙂🙂🍜🍜🥰🥰
You make miso happy.
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🌸⭐️
The dentist had strong fillings for his wife.
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🌸⭐️
What do you call a melon that's not allowed to get married? Can't elope.
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🌸⭐️
What do you call two spiders that just got married? Newly-webs.
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🌸⭐️
My wife and I often exchange opinions. I come with my own and leave with hers.
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🙂⭐️
Well, what can I tell you about the groom? I've known him for about ten years, he's handsome, intelligent, witty, charismatic... sorry, wrong wedding.
(2)
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AND last marriage joke for today:

🌸⭐️
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
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🌸⭐️ Whenever my wife packs me a salad for lunch, all I wanna know is what I did wrong.
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😉
I swore I married someone who didn’t snore. Turns out, they just held back until we signed the paperwork.
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🙂🥰 Marriage teaches you a lot about yourself—for example, I’ve learned I can sleep just fine on two inches of a king-sized bed.
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🌸⭐️ A wise man once said, "I don't know...ask my wife."
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🌸⭐️ My wife says I'm too competitive. I told her I already knew that.
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😉🥰
I love everybody.
Some I love to be around,
some I love to avoid,
and others I’d love to
punch in the face.
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⭐️🌈⭐️🌈
I love long walks
away from everyone.
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❤️
"All stressed out
and no one to choke."
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🙂 stand-up comedian (man):

I just found out my neighbourhood has like 50 registered s*x offenders.

I don’t need that kind of…
competition. 🙂

I’m just kidding! It’s a joke…

I’m not registered.
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