I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
"If alcohol kills germs
and laughter is the best medicine,
I'm the healthiest person on the planet."
"Whenever I'm feeling fat, I try not to stress about it
and just keep my chins up."
“Never mind beauty sleep.
I want skinny sleep.”
"Sometimes the weight you need to lose
isn't on your body."
"Boys will never understand
the struggle of long hair & lip gloss
on a windy day."
"I'm not saying you're stupid.
I'm just saying you've got bad luck
when it comes to thinking."
"Why do we feel safer under blankets?
It's not like a murderer will come in thinking,
'I'm gonna ki -- ...ah damn! She's under a blanket!'"
"Never sign up for a class called 'Boot Camp'!
It has nothing to do with shoe shopping!"
"I plan to be spontaneous tomorrow."
"Dear Colgate,
Now that you have added salt and lemon,
let us know when you add tequila,
so we can brush 6 times a day."
"Why can't I be comforted by carrots? Why does it have to be chocolate and donuts?"
"I save my carbs for alcohol.
It's called prioritizing."
"Most people don't act stupid...it's the real thing."
"Verdict:
You're a moron."
"No, no, I'm listening. It just takes me a minute to process so much stupid all at once."
"Does not play well with stupid people."
"I hate when
a couple argues in public
and I missed the beginning
and don't know whose side I'm on."
"A recent study has found that
women who carry a little extra weight
live longer than the men who mention it."
"Best lie you heard was
eat all your food so you can be big and strong...
...now look at you...
...just big."
Man:
So I'm lying there, and she says to me, "Let me ask you this -"
And I said, "What?"
And she said, "If could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?"
And I said, "No."
She said, "Forget it then."
“If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?”
Because you are mispronouncing it.
The "a" is not pronounced, so is not a syllable.
Silly, huh?
“Why are there five syllables in the word ‘monosyllabic’?”
“My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.”
Ask the stewardess: "Has this plane ever been to Cuba?"
They will land at the nearest airport.
"How do you get off a non-stop flight?"
Stay out of danger!
“What are you supposed to do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?”
“Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?”