Follow
Share
Read More
Find Care & Housing
❤️

"Does anybody wonder
why bacon comes in a resealable package?
What are people putting back in there???"
(4)
Report

❤️

"If ever you feel down,
always remember -
You're a grown up, and
can have bacon whenever you want."
(3)
Report

❤️🙂

"There I was about to start working out.
Next thing I knew...
I was eating a plate of bacon. True story."
(2)
Report

❤️🙂

"What is the color of the wind?
Blew."
(3)
Report

❤️🙂

"Where do crayons go on holiday?
Color-ado."
(1)
Report

❤️🙂

"Why does Waldo only wear striped shirts?
Because he doesn't want to be spotted."
(3)
Report

❤️🙂🍵

"Anxietea:

What if nobody likes me?
What if I taste weird?
What if I'm too cold?
What if I'm too hot?
What if I'm just right and I can never live up to it again?"
(3)
Report

❤️🙂

"How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried!"
(2)
Report

😉

"I can't believe it's already time to put off my spring cleaning until next year."
(2)
Report

❤️🙂

"Website:
We use cookies to improve our performance.

Me:
Same."
(3)
Report

🤔

"Don't know what's longer:
A microwave minute
or a treadmill minute."
(2)
Report

🤯

"If good things are in store for me, where is the store??"
(2)
Report

❤️🙂

"When you decide to have a cheat meal, and all of a sudden it's 3 years later."
(3)
Report

❤️🙂

"When you've been eating healthy for the past 15 minutes
and STILL see no progress."
(3)
Report

❤️🙂

"Friend:
OMG, I LOVE your lip gloss. What is it?

Me:
It's pizza grease."
(3)
Report

❤️🙂

"I'm not dating to marry.
I'm dating to experience a painful break-up that kick-starts my weight loss."
(4)
Report

😇

"Killing people with kindness apparently isn't working...
I'll going to try voodoo."
(4)
Report

😉

"If you don't look back on your younger self and say, 'I used to be stupid,' you're probably still stupid."
(3)
Report

❤️

"Due to personal reasons...
I'm ready to turn things up a notch."
(3)
Report

😇

"Life is so boring when you don't have an online order to look forward to."
(3)
Report

😉

"I got in a lot of trouble on a date recently, because I didn't open the car door for her. Instead, I just swam to the surface."
(3)
Report

Old age makes us great multitaskers. Why, I can sneeze and pee at the same time!
(8)
Report

At my age, the only pole dancing I do is while holding on to the safety bar in the bathtub.
(8)
Report

Texting by old people:

BFF Best Friend Fainted

BYOT Bring Your Own Teeth

CBM Covered By Medicare

LMDO Laughing My Dentures Out

FWB Friend With Beta-blockers

GGPBL Gotta Go Pacemaker Battery
Low
(4)
Report

Aging joke.
I friend of my father who was in his 90’s at the time used to say , “ I never buy green bananas because I may never get to eat them. “
(5)
Report

Three of the hardest things for people to say.....
I was wrong.
I need help.
And Worcestershire Sauce.
(6)
Report

Under the heading, Enter at your own risk.....

Threw out my back sleeping.
Tweaked my neck sneezing.
I swear I am one strong fart from total paralysis.

The last time I sprang into action was when my recliner broke.
(5)
Report

I started out feeling bold then I lost my "B"
(7)
Report

Anyone have some aging jokes?

I like this one:

"My mind thinks I am 25, but my body thinks I am an idiot".
(5)
Report

“Welcome back to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today!”
(7)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter