I believe there needs to be some real changes made to make these nursing homes livable.

When my grandma got to be around 98 she started to become shall we say somewhat forgetful.My mom was very concerned about her living alone. This was especially true when she found out that she forgot to turn off the stove after cooking. I wanted her to come live with me since I was home with my young child anyway. My mom thought that the nursing home was the best solution.
Mom was working and she was afraid that it would be too much for me to handle if my grandma was to get worse:( My mom did a lot of research and found a nursing home that she and grandma really liked. It had exercise classes that my grandma loved. She was the star of the class. When grandma saw the exercise classes she was ready to move in right away.My grandma had always gone to yoga classes and was very fit.
The nursing home that she was in was beautiful. It felt like a real home not a nursing home.It was extremely clean and always smelled real fresh like your home smells after a good cleaning.It had a real welcoming feel to it.The staff were awesome they felt like family to not only grandma but us as well. They treated grandma like she was a queen. She loved all the attention.
Grandma never used a wheel chair there. She was able to walk as much as she wanted to.There were very few residents in wheel chairs.The ones that were in wheel chairs were literally unable to walk. I heard that the very few residents that could not walk were given physical therapy regularly.The staff obviously did not encourage anyone to sit in a wheelchair or use diapers unless it was completely necessary.My grandma had a very lovely clean bathroom that she used. She never needed any help. If she would have ever needed help the staff would be more than willing to help her. She was definitely not drugged since her personality never changed.She was still the same happy character that she had always been. If she ever would have shown the slightest bit of unhappiness and personality change mom would have taken her out immediately. She did not need any spending money since my mom would always bring her anything she wanted and would always take her wherever she needed to go. She also came on most of our family vacations. She was with us for every holiday.My mom brought her very often to stay with us and we went to many fun places together.Grandma also went for walks with the staff, mom, me and my kid.There was also a huge gorgeous garden with sidewalks where the residents were free to walk around in.
I have heard that there are organizations you can contact should your loved one be forced into a nursing home.One organization that I know of right off hand is called C.A.N.R.www.canhr.org (800) 474-1116 (415) 974-5171. They help senior citizens with their rights.You can also contact: the ombudsmn the internet address is: http://www.aging.ca.gov/programs/ombudsman_ for nursing homes complaints contacts.asp for nursing home complaints.You can call 24 hour crisis-line for nursing home complaints.(800)-231-4024.There is also another citizens rights group called: Citizens Commission of Human Rights International (800) 869-2247. I believe that this is mostly for anyone who have been restrained with drugs against their wishes.
I know that there are many bad nursing homes probably more bad than good. I would say that caring for an elder person at home would be the very best solution.
If this is completely impossible then hopefully there are nursing homes like the one my grandma was in.I would also hope that there will be plenty of people including close relatives that will be able to keep a close eye on the way things are going with their loved ones while in the nursing home. If the loved one does show any signs of unhappiness or personality changes they can be taken out of the home. It would also be nice if the relatives are able to take them on many outings, family vacations and have them home for the holidays like with my grandma.

I too am curious as to why an active elder person who can walk and use the bathroom is forced to live in a nursing home against their and their families' wishes. Who did the forcing? If a family member has a better solution, why would someone force an NH placement instead? It is hard for me to grasp this scenario.

One of my aunts worked in a nursing home (LPN) in a small town. She lived a few blocks from it and one fall day after she had retired she walked to it and said she thought it was about time she registered and moved in, at least for the winter. She settled right in and decided it was better than trying to keep up a home on her own. For the first several years she walked around, later with a walker. She made her own bed. All of the rooms in that NH were singles. Her room was very small but her children made it very homey. She had bird feeders outside her window. Eventually she went to a wheelchair because she did not have the stamina to walk. You had better believe no one ever gave her a drug she did not know and approve the purpose for! She frequently went on outings with her family, until she preferred to stay put and have people come to her. I attended a nice party for her in the NH community room. She really liked the NH meals. Her mind was sharp to the end.

Her sister-in-law in the same small town had virtually no short term memory. This made her a danger to herself. Her family arranged around-the-clock care for her in her home, but eventually decided she needed to be in the NH. This was against her will, but the decision was made in love by family members. It was not "forced" from the outside. As a life-long resident of the small town she knew nearly everyone there. She enjoyed playing spoons in the kitchen band. I never saw her in a wheelchair there, but perhaps she did use one after her heart attack.

Both of these dear aunts died this year, one at 100 and the other at 98. One family is considering giving an aquarium to the care center in their mother's memory. Both family had warm feelings about the center.

So my image of a nursing home does not include "forced" placement against family wishes, or forced confinement to wheelchairs, or inappropriate drugging. I am sorry that is your experience. And you are right. Changes are certainly needed in the places that are substandard.

I think that flowgo must be in one of those situations where the elder needs assistance with daily living (no longer able to handle meal preparation and home maintenance), but cannot afford more desirable senior living options which can be pricey. Some families are small, some people work, some don't have room in their homes, some have young kids - it's not always possible to care for them at home. And some elders don't want to live with family. In these cases, it may seem that Medicaid coverage for a nursing home is the only option. Flowgo, call your local Dept of Aging office and see what else may be available. Many states have Medicaid Waiver services now, where Medicaid will pay some amount towards rent and meals in a senior community and even custodial aide services. The benefits are capped but it might be enough with social security to achieve a better living situation. There is also an Aid and Attendance benefit for veterans and survivng spouses of veterans that can help. If the person is active but has dementia and wanders or something, you can look at other nursing homes and be wait listed for a Meicaid bed in a better facility. There are also smaller group board and cares that might be better (check out diligently but I've read about some where seniors are quite happy). It is horrible to think about someone who is mentally alert and fairly able bodied, even if frail, living out their days in an environment like this. Start looking around and making some calls and you might find something better than this and you might find more funding then you thought. Good luck to you.