I'm tired. Couple years ago, I had to place my father (dementia stage 6) in an assisted living home an hour away due to mother having a stroke and she could no longer care for him nor herself. Shes not fully recovered, and relies on me for all medical, finance and daily life decisions. I'm Only sibling near, I had to step up and help... Mother had little education and passes everything on to me. Two other siblings visit/call but really haven't helped with any decisions, finances or tons of appointments, paperwork or daily issues, or driving mom to ALF to visit dad. I work, husband has own business and really never was around to help with our own home life stuff, so I'm left trying my best to balance it all. I've been able to keep it together..... But I'm tired. I don't enjoy life anymore... I just show up....try to make everybody else happy. Tired of feeling unimportant. I'm sorry for my pity party.... I just needed to be heard by someone outside my circle who could possibly understand.
I hope it will soon be time for your mother to be in assisted living as well. You can not possibly handle it all. That's what assisted living and nursing homes are for. They provide a staff 24/7 to take care of resident's needs.
I'm so exhausted, frustrated, and my body hurts after 10 years taking care of my bedridden husband. I had no idea what it would be. I just did what needed to be done. At this point, I am not ready for him to be in a nursing home, because I can not imagine my life without him in it. So, as hard as it is, I get up and do it every day. I complain about it, I take naps, but I manage to get it done.
Consider taking on someone else, home-care, to help out with mom. You don't have to do it all. And, mom's money pays for it.
Don't count on siblings. Once one person takes on the care of a parent, the other siblings will just expect it. They don't know what to do, and they don't want to disrupt their lives to do it. They will assume you have it under control.
You are not responsible for your parents happiness.
Tell Mom this is too much and she needs assisted living . Your mother is not going to be independent ever again .
It’s still going to be a lot doing the finances etc . But at least Mom will get housekeeping , meals , laundry, nurses, a primary doctor, hair cuts on site etc .