4 weeks after walking into MC unassisted, feeding herself and talking, mom’s in ICU for dehydration, sepsis. Neglect! What recourse can we take?

Yes see atty ..DON is in cover their ass$s mode. Clearly neglect here 🙏🏼
hugs 🤗

Wait im confused here. Mom went to a MC on her own. WHY ? Or did you mean assisted living that has memory care that she did not need. Also Assisted living facilities do not have directors of nursing. Assisted living are NOT medical facility. Skilled Nursing and rehab are Nursing care facilities. When you go to a skilled say from a hospital visit and 3 days later you are in a skilled for rehabs medicare pays 100% of the first 20days then you may have a share of cost. Once your rehab is done you can continue to stay at that facility. Don't let them tell you they are not a skilled they only do rehab that is an out right lie. Rehab is to hopefully get you back to some normal life if not you may stay right there. You file for medicaid/ medi-cal to help with the cost. As far as a complaint of course an attorney but also file a complaint with the licensing agency that oversees the care. If they agree with your complaint it just makes it better for your lawsuit.

June25: Retain an attorney.

I am so sorry this has happened to your mom. I wish I could tell you it was unusual for elders to be neglected, have medication issues, or be dehydrated. Some on this forum have found wonderful places for their loved ones. I wish I believed that was the norm. Until such time as a major overhaul of elder care practices is made it is pretty much up to the patients advocates to keep a more watchful eye. Your mom’s facility may be great and this is an unusual occurrence for them but given that many if not most elders when hospitalized have dehydration and accompanying UTI which can lead to sepsis it may be an exercise with little benefit to sue or ability to prove causation. I do think talking to an attorney to know what one could expect is not a bad idea.

Hindsight is said to be 2020 but when your stepdad says there is something wrong go then. Don’t wait. Things can go wrong very quickly if on the wrong trajectory.

Decide which one of you is going to be lead for interfacing with the staff.
SD will be somewhat treated by the staff as the informal “responsible party” and he will be seen there most often (assuming) and there is a tendency to share with the person there. He did a good job of sending you the video. There is usually so much turnover that the aides aren’t always aware of who is a patients authorized person. So they may or may not share with him if he decides for one of you to be the heavy. And when you talked to them two weeks ago, things hadnt made this turn.

Read the info from pubmed on this study anout hydration and discuss with any home you place mom what their protocol is.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6629391/

Recognize that when transitioning from home care to facility care so many things change like activity level and diet that can affect hydration. many elders aren’t drinking much water when they come in but they may be having veggies, salads, fruit, soups and other sources for fluids that are no longer offered to them in many facilities. They may now be unable to manage the large containers left on their trays which you may find positioned beyond their reach etc.

Recently my friend returned from a short business trip to find her sister with a medical emergency. She was in a rehab following bladder removal. She asked an ambulance be called for her sister. Her mistake was not calling for the ambulance herself. The person left in charge of the facility did call but didn’t deem it an emergency. Probably some metric saving maneuver. So don’t be afraid to take action when you think it important or there isn’t anyone there with proper training to assess the situation. Friends sister was in hospital five days and then sent to a different rehab. She was dehydrated, had a UTI, infection and a kinked ostomy bag. I had visited the sister two days before and she was doing well. Her brother noticed the daily text she sent out was garbled and knew something was wrong and called his sister to go directly from airport to rehab. The place she went next was awesome in comparison. But you have to take it all in and make the best decision you can for your mom.

I hope she is better when the meds get out of her system. Let us know how it goes. We care.

EDIT
Oh and I also utilized hospice (one of my choosing) to have a resource to help me navigate the maze of facility care as Sparkielyle suggested below.

With a dementia patient, there's a steady decline. That's why they go to a memory care facility where they can be cared for by professionals who understand the downward trajectory. Basically, sad as it is, they're not going to get out of there alive, at least in most cases.

They'll start falling frequently. This is part of the disease and horrifying when it happens to a loved one. This may mean lots of hospital visits. Broken bones, Bleeding head wounds, a noticeable change in cognition, and they don't understand what has happened to them because they don't recall falling. They seem stunned. They're confused. So then what to do when you want to keep them from falling??

Put them in a wheelchair and make sure they stay there? Maybe with medication? Being in a wheelchair isn't pleasant for them and creates a whole new host of problems, such as pressure sores, and they want to get up out of the chair, but their muscles atrophy and it's unsure they can walk anymore (and they probably can't). What's the alternative? Well, it's to NOT put them in a wheelchair, and they keep walking and keep falling, and they are medicated out of necessity hoping they'll stay calm and not want to walk. But they do want to walk, and they get up and walk and break more bones and get a brain bleed from which they're likely to die, but dying might take a while, which seems like torture and is.

This is dementia. This is what I've faced with my husband in the past year and my parents in the past. This is what OP is facing with her mother. There should be crib notes so that those of us who deal with this issue can be prepared. Yet there is no preparation, not really. We don't want to accept that they're dying, bit by bit, fall by fall, the blank stare, the palsy, the refusal to eat, the screaming of "Help me!" over and over because the only thing they still understand is that someone should help, and where are they? ("But he walked into the facility six weeks ago, still smiling, still OKAY except for mild dementia, so they must have done something to him and WE WANT TO SUE!")

And a lawsuit does what? Nothing but give the facility a chance to defend itself, and their large team of stellar lawyers will argue that mom was or is dying of dementia, that's why she's there in the first place, and the facility followed medical protocol and is not to blame for mom's condition.

Which it isn't, because mom and everyone else's mom and dad and aunt and my dear husband have dementia and were never going to get out of the facility alive anyway. We can advocate for them, hold their hands, smile and take them gifts. We can be outraged, throw up barriers by alienating the caregivers, get mad at their POA and threaten somebody, anybody, because what's happening to our loved one is unacceptable. But you might as well can your anger because it won't get you anything but more sleepless nights.

Enjoy your loved ones while they still know who you are.

The effects of medication can vary greatly with the elderly especially with dementia . I’m sorry this happened to your mother.

As already said, most elderly are dehydrated . Sepsis is not uncommon with the elderly either . Very often stemming from a UTI . These episodes often cause a decline . It’s said that every hospitalization takes more away then they get back in rehab . In general , I do hope your mother is a DNR .

I’m not sure what legal action you are looking for , see a lawyer .

It is typical for a facility to only communicate with one person , especially when an elder is not well .

While I understand that you are upset about the down turn that your mom has taken, can I for a moment play devils advocate and suggest that this may actually be a blessing in disguise, as your mom already was "technically" dying because of her diagnosis of dementia when she entered the memory care facility.
Anyone that has any of the dementias is given a death sentence because of it.
And some if they're lucky will pass from something else before their brain is ravished completely from this horrific disease, and to me that is a blessing.
If your moms husband isn't fit to be her advocate(which it sounds like he isn't if he let all this fly under his radar)then you will have to apply for guardianship through the courts to make sure she's receiving the care she deserves.
I'm not sure that I personally would waste my time pursuing any legal action, but instead would just enjoy whatever time you may have left with your mom and continue to be her advocate in whatever way you can.

For them to medicate her, she must have been aggressive. The doctor associated with the MC had to have ordered the medication. And dyhydration is common in the elderly. What caused the sepsis? Thats what I would be worried about. DON on vacation, no RN or LPN is charge? The aides are not medically trained, there has to be an RN on call.

MCs are not skilled nursing. Families have to advocate for a LO. Moms husband could have called 911 at anytime and had Mom taken to ER. If no POA or guardianship in place, no one can talk to you at the hospital. They will talk to Moms husband and he can relay the info to you. Rehab maybe another problem. Again, they will only talk to the husband. Rehab is not skilled nursing. Its just PT to get Moms strength back which may not happen. What your Mom just went thru may worsen her decline and she may not walk on her own again. They are good until they aren't.

Your Mom may need more care than a MC can give. You may want to find her a nice LTC where there is an RN 24/7. Her husband should see an Elder Lawyer about spliting assets. Moms split going to her care and when almost gone, Medicaid applied for.

Do see an elder law attorney at this time.
It is clear that husband is the next of kin and the one they are communicating with; they are not required to communicate with more than one family member. If there is no POA that is next of kin, the husband.

Dehydration is very, very common in elders. As an old retired RN I can tell you that most elders entering hospital have blood work that reflects dehydration; the drive to take in fluids leaves us with aging, sadly, and medications wouldn't help this situation.

You were attempting here to intervene. They were communicating with SOMEone because you have films, you have knowledge that medications was being given and etc. The ER was called when care was needed and your mom was moved to care. But there's very poor communications, and you are correct that when someone is on vacation, it needs to be another in charge to speak to concerns with this type of change in ability and mentation.

Adjustment to care is awful for almost all elders. You describe someone walking into care, but being honest, there was GOOD REASON she was entering care.
I think you will at this time be glad you consulted an attorney to get some options. See a certified elder care attorney.

I would enlist social workers now to get in place even an emergency guardianship if dad can no longer handle the "next of kin " duties (strong as a POA). Your attorney can guide you in preventing this happening again, and in requesting records of what happened THIS time.