I had to literally disassociate myself 100% from the toxicity of my parents 83 and 80. Mom in hospice at home and stepfather disabled. Myself disabled and recovering from breast cancer and major spinal surgery. Parents are cause of major CPTSD from abusive childhood. They have ABSOLUTELY no friends or family! Hospice Agency is only support system. I must move into their home. They are hoarders and I must clean a space for myself. As it is the only clean space is mother’s room because of hospice. There currently is not even a chair or space to sit or put a pocketbook down! Any advice? Are there volunteer dumpsters or laborers to help?
You will have to report your parent's situation to the authorities and allow them to use the auspices available to place your parents in care.
Were you not ever born your parents would be receiving care. That is the care they should receive now.
To be honest it is a kind of suicidal thing to move back into this situation over which you have zero control, can do zero good, and would only harm yourself. Call your agencies on aging and report your parents' situation to them. Let them know you cannot intervene.
No. You don't. You really don't.
You don't have to clean or do diddly squat.
If you want to visit them, then that should be discussed with your doctor. But even that would be better in another setting. Her home will be too triggering for you. They both should be placed. Call adult protective services as advised. You are thinking short term. One year is not long enough to recover. Mother dies then father is left there in the hoarded house. Do you plan to stay with him as well? If he is unable to feed his life partner now, how will he manage his own care? You are being manipulated. Even a mentally healthy person would be affected by this arrangement.
The fact that you are even contemplating this shows how disabled you are to even be considering such an arrangement.
And clearing that hoard will be very very stressful to them. They would be better off somewhere else when that happens.
Are you seeing a therapist? What does he or she say about this situation?
You have to look after yourself - that is a big enough job for you. Someone else has to look after them. Let APS and any involved social workers know that you are not available to care for them. You don't have to explain or justify yourself, argue or defend yourself.
Build up your health, which is obviously suffering, and will suffer more if you get involved with their care. Put yourself first, build up a decent life apart from them. Take care of you!!! That's more than enough for you to do.
You should not be going back to your parents. You have your own medical issues to take care of! Plus the fact that they were abusive to you and caused you CPTSD!!! When I was growing up, my father was emotionally abusive to my mother and I and this continued once I was grown. It even happens now. He is now in a facility. I think when we are abused by our parents, it causes us to think we are to care for them no matter what but this is not true. I truly believe I was headed for a breakdown but then I learned to say no. PLEASE DO NOT MOVE IN! Take care of yourself and find happiness! I still struggle to be happy because of what I went through but this forum and counseling helps.
@faithfullbeauty. 👏🙂
My suggestion to you is do not go back for the protection of your own safety, health and sanity.
Call APS and report two vulnerable seniors living alone at home.
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