He thinks I should keep him informed of my mother’s life. He doesn’t call me. He does, occasionally, call my mother and my mother is completely capable of talking about her Dr appts and so forth. So why should I have to add a task of reporting to my brother? If he wants to know shouldn’t he just ask my mother. Or call me? Why is everything my responsibility?
I never called my 2 brothers. They were adults and if they wanted to know what was going on with Mom, they could call.
I just read on another post, that Mom is 98 and you have been trying to get her into an AL and she won't go. So I can see why you need to do certain things for her. What do you actually do for her? Clean? On her dime she can hire a cleaning lady. How dirty can Moms house get? Food prep. Order out. Some of these diners give enough food for 2 people. So that would be 2 meals. Does she call you all the time, don't answer your phone.
If Moms 98 your at least 70. Again, you too are a Senior. You can only do so much. I am 75 and just about keep my own home up let alone clean someone elses.
If your doing all the work without help from siblings, then they can't, IMO, demand anything from you. If they don't like something your doing, tell them theyvare welcome to step in.
If your brother is not paying you, and, as you say, your mother does not have dementia, then he can talk to your mother himself.
Unlike your username "Momsgoto", you don't have to be her go-to for everything, especially when it starts to affect your health and sanity.
You say that your mother and brother don't want her to go to AL, or hire outside caregivers even though she has money for it.
If your mother or brother are not paying for your housing or anything else, then now is the time to re-draw your boundaries on what you're willing to do. Even if they are paying you, you can still resign from this obligation in the same way you would any other job.
Some wise words I learned on this forum:
"As long as YOU are the solution, they'll never bother to look for any other solution."
Tell him to ask your mother . I told my siblings I don’t work for them and I don’t owe them a report .
If he’s not satisfied with the answers from Mom he can call you , or he can come visit and see for himself .
You have enough to do .
You make me laugh . Thanks !
If you need help, then ASK HIM FOR IT.
It you don't have time to speak with him then TELL HIM so.
You are an adult. I suspect you are perfect well and able to speak for yourself if and when you choose to do so. You have written us before very angry about unsolicited advice from others. You aren't very specific about what is causing all this anger, but it may be something you should discuss with a counselor, to delve a bit deeper into what in your life is so very upsetting, and what you might do to address it.
And to answer your very last question as to why everything is your responsibility, I will just say it is because you have CHOSEN to make everything your responsibility.
You don't have to be doing everything for your mom you know. You can hire outside help with your moms money to assist her or even be looking into getting her placed in the appropriate facility, so it doesn't all fall on you.
I think you are just mad at your brother because he was smart enough not to do things for your mom, and because of that you felt that you had to, when in reality you didn't.
Plus you say in your profile that your mom has dementia, so how can you trust your mom to be able to tell your brother what is going on with her when she probably doesn't even know herself?
You obviously are burned out, and things need to change in your moms care. But it is NOT your brothers fault that he choice to continue to live and enjoy his life while not getting bogged down with your moms care. You however chose the opposite and are now living to regret that choice, and understandably so.
Plus with mom having dementia, she more than likely shouldn't be living by herself anymore anyway, so it's a perfect time to look into getting her placed, using her money of course. And if money is an issue, you'll have to apply for Medicaid for her.
I wish you well in taking your life back and getting your mom the care she now requires.