89 yr old father with ALZ and Dementia. he has always been hyper-sexual (even to his own children). Always considered himself a ladies' man, Casanova type person. He has only been in this nursing home for 3 months and already 4 reports of him entering other women's rooms and kissing them. One was asleep and woke up screaming, had to to go thru DON Dept of Nursing for that one. Other times the female patients seem to think he is the boyfriend and want to kiss and visit in their rooms. Nursing home policy is to notify the families of those involved. I am worried about the female patients' families a lot. But these calls are getting tiring and stressful. The last nursing home he was off the hook with demanding mouth kisses from every female he encountered, staff and visitors and other patients. At home between nursing home, I could barely keep home health care or family visitors due to his sexual behavior. No use talking to him, explaining he can't do that; he either has forgotten, doesn't care, thinks it is wonderful, defensive, blames someone else for wanting him so much they can't keep their hands off of him reasoning...anyone else encounter this from a parent? How do you cope? Any suggestions? He is wheelchair bound. I've even thought about asking if they could just remove his wheelchair once he is in bed for the night to keep him in his own room. I'm getting worried he will soon be kicked out of this nursing home for his lecherous behavior. I'm not dealing with him cornering me again with me taking care of him, always trying to get under my shirt or demanding mouth kisses or trying to coax me into his bed...shudder. This behavior is not new, we couldn't even have friends over while growing up because of his sexual nature. the behavior has just escalated to new heights with the ALZ. Any HELP out there?
This must be a very difficult situation for you. Hopefully someone who has had a similar experience will respond to your post.
Since your father's had this issue for what sounds like most of his adult life he's not likely to change now. I think his being asked to leave the NH at some point is a very real concern.
Have you spoken to his Dr. about anti-anxiety meds? I don't think your father's behavior is related to anxiety but the meds may slow him down a bit. If it were my father I'd rather he be medicated than prowling the hallways looking for women to assault.
I am a former Ombudsman Supervisor, so with that in mind ...
Previous nursing facilities where your father lived will have documentation of his behavior, therefore, his present nursing home must have known about his sexual predilections before accepting him as a resident. By accepting your dad as a resident, the present facility acknowledged that they could deal with the behavior issues and have no excuse in the discharge of your father unless he is endangering another resident.
In case the facility does send a 30-day discharge notice, they must ensure he is going to a safe and healthy environment before sending him on his way, and it seems the only place to send him is home to you. Say no to this. If you do not accept him into your home, the facility cannot place him elsewhere without your (if you are Power of Attorney) permission.
Call the Ombudsman Supervisor for the facility. She works for the Aging Services Division of your state's Dept of Human Services (or whatever it's called where you live). The Ombudsman is an advocate for the residents of long term care facilities.
Suggestions: Ask the facility to assign a male CNA/nurse to your father. When a male nurse is not available, the facility should assign two female CNAs to him so they can protect each other. As for the female residents, perhaps a bell on his door (nothing too loud) might help alert the night staff that your father is up and about so they can keep a close eye on his wanderings. There should be enough staff to ensure your father receives the kind of care he needs. Although, I still think you need to talk to his doctor about his behavior.
Side note: placing a safety belt on a wheelchair is considered a restraint and against the law unless his doctor prescribes it, an authorized nurse or doctor checks on him every 30 minutes and he is released every few hours, and there is permission from your father (in his right mind) or his POA. Restraints are complicated and can be dangerous. While an Ombudsman, I found a female resident strangling when she tried to slide under the seat belt restraint to get loose.
KalaFW, you are in a difficult situation. Please let us know how things go and what was done to help you. Good luck.
Many men of his generation seemed to think it was perfectly acceptable to make sexual remarks to women, and to get "handsy" sometimes. It was part of proving they were real he-men, or something. I can't tell you how many old-timers I had to push off me when I started out working as a young newspaper reporter. No matter how much I told them it wasn't acceptable, they never seemed to get the message. It was something about "the Greatest Generation" that I found particularly revolting.
Definitely move his wheelchair so he can't go creeping into women's rooms at night, like the Sheik of Araby.
As a nursing home staff myself, I do have some advices to you. The next time when you speak with the staffs who can make decisions in the nursing home, for example social worker, head nurse etc. for the safety of your father and other residents in the nursing home, you can suggest and agree the following :
a. Agree having him on a wheelchair which he could not unbuckled his safety belt, so that he would not fall again.
b. Agree having him rest in a bed after breakfast, lunch, dinner and especially at night as often as he wishes or "as needed". When he is in bed, move his wheelchair away from his bed, having the bed rail up, ELEVATE the leg part of the bed while the head part down. In doing so, you are preventing him from the risk of fall himself, and preventing him from entering the room of other female residents. To my best knowledge, such preventive actions does not legally considered restraint, while serving good purposes to ultimately everyone that is involved, your father, other residents, the families, the nursing staffs etc.
Wish my advices to you do help and peace be with you.
Obviously, those taking care of him have to be extra-vigilant. That is their responsibility.
Your dad is not the first elderly Lothario and will not be the last. It is a problem, but it is one that can be solved or minimised by vigilant and energetic staff. Limiting his mobility is not really fair, especially an 90 years old.
Someone, a statesman, said, "Vigilance is the price of peace," or some such.
You have to admire a man his age that still gets around and is not yet done with life. Keeping a watchful eye on him to make sure his unwanted attentions do not go unchecked and do not cause problems for other clients is the responsibility of the NH.
The nursing home is in the best position to monitor his roamings without him having to be chemically sedated. Chemical interventions are more often applied to give NH staff an easier life without regard to the patient's needs.
It is not as though he were a homicidal maniac on the prowl for his next victim. Try not to let this worry you too much.
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