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My mom was diagnosed with PD in 2022. Now she's showing signs of dementia that seems to be getting worse fast. I work from home so I have someone come in to help with her 4 to 5 days a week for 4 to 6 hours a day so I can work. I have her come some Saturdays and every other Sunday 9 to 5 so my husband and I can have more than a few hours together and I can get some time off. When the caregiver is here she seems to just want to sleep and eat instead of exercising her body and mind. When she's gone. She wants to start moving around. She had hip surgery a year ago so you need to keep an eye on her. I have my own physical limitations so I'm just worried she's going to hurt herself. I KNOW its not her fault but it doesn't keep me from getting frustrated. I'm already not the most patient person and have a habit of being honest about situations. I hate that she fell and had surgery. It's been downhill since then...I'm starting to wonder if I should start preparing for care outside the home. I don't want to cause more psychological harm. Right now she's still on medicare so she's paying for the caregiver but we'll definitely need medicaid for facility care.

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In my opinion and experience, living with our mother's does not work. I grew up with my grandmother living in my home and it was a torture chamber for all of us. My mother had no patience for her mother, and all they did was fight. It was unhealthy for them, and for me. My mother should've had the insight to get grandma placed, but both of them were so prone to histrionics and hysterics, they couldn't think straight. When mom moved away and sold her house, she sent grandma to live with another of her daughter's. My aunt had enough drama after a short time, and sent grandma to a nursing home with Medicaid.

The moral of the story is, grandma did fine there and lived to 92. That's 20 more years for your mother since she's 72. Don't put you or your husband thru this any longer, and get mom placed. Dementia adds a whole new level of horror to everyone's life. I know, my mother suffered from it for 6 years. She lived in Assisted Living and then Memory Care Assisted Living for the last 3 years of her life. She passed at 95. Elders can live a LONG time with PD and dementia. And caregivers need nerves of steel and the patience of Job to care for them, neither of which I have.

Its important to recognize our limitations in life, as my mother refused to do, thereby ruining several lives in the process. Its not worth it. Elders survive just fine in managed care and we get to be daughters again instead of bitter, resentful and exhausted caregivers who have no privacy. My mother was the best dressed woman in the place because of all the pretty outfits I brought her with matching costume jewelry. It all worked out for the best because she had "her girls" looking after her and I had my sanity.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Yes, I think that you should now consider in facility care in the near future, likely in the new year. You will need to begin by getting her physically and mentally assessed and qualified to Medicaid in her state. You will need to gather assets as there will be forms and evaluations of her assets as well.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Caregiving only works when it works for all involved, and it sounds like it's really not working for you anymore, and that is ok. Not everyone is cutout to be a hands on caregiver. Plus you have physical limitations too, and you need to take care of yourself.
And your moms dementia will only get worse so best now to get her placed so she can adjust to her new surroundings and you can get back to just being her daughter and advocate and not her stressed out caregiver.
I wish you well as you now do what is best for all involved.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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