I am a live-in caregiver who provides 24/7 care for a relative who is 90 years old.
I cook, clean, do laundry, feed animals, do yard work, dress & shower her and chauffeur her around.
She gets $3250 a month and she pays for all the utilities.
I am given $1000 a month to buy expenses such as food, toilet paper, depends, cat-and-dog food, horse feed and hay.
Her daughter started overseeing her finances and she says "you live here rent free in return for caring for her mother".
She is the one that gives me the $1000 from her mother's account.
I feel like a modern-day slave!!!
Am I wrong for thinking I should at least have some pocket change for all that I do?
The grandmother gets to enjoy OP taking care of her for free because OP is fully convinced that she's going to will everything to a great (???) grandchild and not her own children--one of whom is in charge of her present income and the other who is on the deed of the actual property.
If filial "love" or "trust" was enough, OP could stand up for herself, go to work and volunteer as much as they do. It's not happening because OP is scared that if it does, she'll be out on her butt perhaps with the son, but is counting on enough "after" to make up for it.
Cheyanne, you cannot expect a person who's actually on the deed to do a quit claim just for your son, special needs or not. You have no income with which to pay lawyers if they get some, which they will. It sounds like if granny needs POA, she will be assigning it to her actual daughters and not to you, and you probably will not know.
The deed is in the great grandmother's name and my sons grandmothers name.
The daughter overseeing her finances is not on the deed or in the will.
It is in the will for my son to get what they wanted and if he shall pass its then left to the daughters.
I really find interesting that you only refer to her family relationship in terms of your son. Is that frankly why you're there, so your ex-grandmother-in-law will "provide" for him later? See above.
It seems that ALL of you are playing a gigantic game of chicken here.You're over there, presumably with your developmentally disabled son, to do the work for free assuming there will be a golden payout for your son, which won't happen the minute you stop doing this work for free to daughter's satisfaction. But you still have no guarantees, not at all.
Should the ex-grandma in law pass, the deed will go to the daughter's sister. Who like daughter probably has children she is thinking of, just like you. If you continue doing this, just see it as they do, "free rent" especially with a disabled son living there also.
Daughter is already entrusted with grandma's finances
It seems that OP volunteered to move in, possibly her son too, under the pretext of "help" like so many. And like so many, she is there at least in part because she hopes for a golden windfall at the end of this--not payment.
SO and i have had employment lawyers involved twice. Over $10K for them to even write pre-litigation letters and answer phone calls. You get to lawsuit stage, that's at least $30k.
Where's she gonna get that kinda money? Not unless she gets out, she won't.
https://www.payingforseniorcare.com/homecare/hiring-independent-caregivers
A 'live-in' caregiver IS an employee.
I researched this extensively for my own needs for friend, 88. I am his POA agent.
There are specific rules, laws, regulations about an employee-employer relationship. You need to either:
1) read / research; or
2) find an employment lawyer.
3) or both and
4) you are likely entitled to much more 'back-pay' as it sounds like you are not getting paid according to the law. If she doesn't adjust / give you back pay as an attorney may say you are entitled to, you can pursue a lawsuit.
Gena / Touch Matters
She thinks GREAT-grandma will automatically will everything to her boy for life because he is developmentally disabled, kinda how some elders think that WE are going to be the care plan because of inheritance but even more unrealistic.
And if daughter goes ballistic, you really know she won't allow it and is looking at that as her $$$ inheritance. You could be thrown out 1 hr after the funeral bc nothing is in writing. Until it's in writing it might as well have never happened.
I read your comments and want to tell you it's not so easy to have a will changed on a deathbed. If the elderly relative is sick, or has dementia then decides to change her Will, all her daughter will have to do is go to court. Breaking a Will like that is easy enough to do in court. Especially if you're the deceased person's child (not grandchild) and your Will is done professionally and legally in a law firm.
If the elderly relative is still with it needs to put some things in writing and do it with a lawyer in a law office.
More likely the elderly relative likes things exactly as they are and really doesn't want to pay for her care. That by not paying for it and potentially leaving a bigger inheritance for her son and daughter, they will keep her out of a nursing home. This elderly relative has no problem burning the poster on getting paid.
Once you find a new job, give 2 week notice.
Do not use the daughter as a professional reference.
Not until she gets all the back pay she deserves, legally.
Leaving may mean she agree(d)(s) with the conditions of payment. She could lose hundreds or thousands of income legally owed to her.
Read this: https://www.payingforseniorcare.com/homecare/hiring-independent-caregivers
Unlike slaves past and present, you can choose to walk away at any time, and the law is on your side. You're sacrificing your SS, health, and dignity on the wisp of a promise of a few acres and a trailer for your son? What's in writing?
There are so many resources to help those living on the autism spectrum to have independent, productive lives within their individual means. Please explore your immediate family's needs and options; visit and occasionally do for grandmother as your new life allows.
When do you get time off? Only when she is sleeping? You still have animals to feed, hay to stack, barn to clean in top of it. Why ? Grandmother isnt enjoying the animals. Who is? The daughter? Working like a slave for sure.
Add up all the hours you work and present them with the facts. If they balk, then you need to get a job and a place of your own. Then just visit.
I would NEVER EVER trust anyone saying you are in the will unless it's the day after and they show it to you. Are they close with your child?
You are a live in slave and being taken advantage of. But you also allowed it.
Better yet, go on vacation for 2 weeks. That will open their eyes. Don't answer the phone either. They will call non stop. Then they will see how good they have it.
You have a right to a vacation. It is to prove a point.
You are so being used. You need to show all the hours you work and include the ave apt rent. Minus time spent seeing to her needs at night.
You are going to slave for nothing. Then presented with move out immediately so I can rent grandmother's house, or it's getting sold, or pay up immediately for rent for entire house.
And if you decide to stay and renegotiate a proper payment plan. What is going to be done after grandma dies?
You need to protect yourself. They could sell house out from under you. Demand you fix anything that is wrong with the house. Saying a water leak is your fault. Or say day after she dies you owe them a 1000 for rent starting immediately. Take pics of every room, any problems and document everything. You dont want to get blamed if they decide you never told them the roof leaks. Even tho they knew for 10yrs. They could blame you. Or something like that.
Get a new agreement in writing and with a lawyer. They like that everything is in their favor, dangling a will that you have no idea about, and you have nothing but their word. No proof of anything. Their word means nothing. You have no proof of anything. Not even a place to stay after she is gone. You are getting hosed on this. If you went to a lawyer would he tell you, you can count on promises of a will you have never seen? I bet he would loik at you like you like O_o
Cheyanne, if it were so simple that your son would get the trailer and five acres when she dies, she would have turned over the deed already. As it is you could afford to buy a similar place after two or three years, and then you could gift it to the son. That is not going to happen with daughter not paying you and with daughter entrusted to take care of her mom's financial affairs already.
The daughter is the next-of-kin, not a granddaughter-in-law or ex. She is the one who already has control over how much her mother pays out and for what, including to you. Must be nice for the "second mother" to be sitting there enjoying your free labor --and fairly what she does--knowing that you're vying over her inheritance like she's Queen Elizabeth. Doesn't sound that selfless to me.
You are going about this like it's an investment for your son. If there was no possibility of this, would it be worth it busting your butt over there taking care of a grandmother in law/ex-grandma in law for no pay 24/7? Probably not.
That will never happen. The elderly relative is ensuring that her own kids get a larger inheritance because her money and assets aren't being used up paying for her care.
You perhaps are a little mad. You are relying on what you have been told about grandma’s will, which is supposedly leaving lots to your own son. Even if it’s the truth about the will at present, wills can be (and are) changed often towards the end of life. You and your son may get nothing. Daughter may get the lot. Or your son may get lots, find himself a friend who can cope with his disabilities, and do nothing for you.
You need to care for yourself, NOW. It’s too late when everything has gone wrong. You can still look after grandma, but protect yourself from the many ways that this can turn into a disaster for you. Just a little bit more pay is NOT a good enough answer.
But you will be wrong if you do not act on it.
You are wrong to think there is any obligation to your son's grandparent because in the future he will inherit land and a mobile home. That may not be possible. Is your son in legal possession of the land and mobile home now?
Can you take possession and live there?
Have you ever heard of the term "future faking"? You need to become aware of how people are used and accept being used. It often happens with a narcissist and a vulnerable person.
You are one person, and need to be paid for your work.
Your son is a separate person, with special needs.
Each of you has a separate relationship (and legal ties) to the grandparent.
Repeat: Your son's autism does not obligate you to enslave yourself to anyone promising his future. The needs of a person with autism are great enough without you serving others promising to help him.
The daughter is already making inroads to take things away from you.
My son is autistic and the great grandparent's wanted him to always have a home to go to so they are leaving him 5 acres and a mobile home.
The daughter I think is mad because they are leaving my son everything and her 3 kids are receiving nothing.
We have helped the grandparents for many years unlike the daughter's children who barely know the way to her house.
The daughter does not have P.O.A
Because much of this can change if the grandparents circumstances change; with the grandmother left, if she gets dementia then the daughter can easily step in as guardian and sell any property for her care.
The fact it is set up this way now is no guarantee for the future.
Slaves and indentured servants do not.
Now it is time to make it known that they will paying you and work out wages you all can agree upon.
Tell them they will start paying you immediately or you will do absolutely nothing for the elderly relative or for her animals and property. Find a different place to live so you'll have a back-up plan because you'll need somewhere to go. If they refuse to pay, you refuse to work.
Read this:
https://www.payingforseniorcare.com/homecare/hiring-independent-caregivers
I believe this person has a 'good' lawsuit pending if this employer doesn't do what caregiver is legally entitled to. Read this:
https://www.payingforseniorcare.com/homecare/hiring-independent-caregivers
That is almost $9,200 a month. That is what you're foregoing for the "free room and board." Unlike her, even, you have no time off.
Instead, you're sitting there without a real job and really no prospect of inheritance changing this "relative's" depends throwing over $9K in potential income away for every month that you do it. Who is this "relative" anyway? Some aunt with a daughter who's taken over poa? How is this remotely YOUR problem?
Yeah, you are being treated like a slave. Time to tell daughter she needs paid help and it's not worth OVER $9000 in volunteer work for you so you can have this "free room and board."
Everyone I know who has fallen for this scam has ended up dead, homeless, without relationships and with no job history. Do not let this happen to you.
I
Why are you doing this? How did you become the one to become the full time caregiver?
Don't you think you should be working to earn money to support yourself and to prepare for your own eventual retirement?
Do you know anything about your grandmother's finances? Are you her daughter's (your aunt's) retirement plan? If she can get you to do caregiving for free, the home (farm?) will eventually go to her, instead of being sold to pay for her mother's care. Is this a possibility?
* If she doesn't know her rights, she will not be back-pay she is entitled to.