Hi, reaching out because we're kind of at a loss for what to do. My father is 75 years old and has never been agreable, but over the past few years, he has been declining rapidly into Parkinson's and dementia which has exasperated his personality.
He can no longer really do anything on his own (he can still stand and get out of bed with assistance so he's not quite at the point of hospice). The larger issue is how much attention he needs (extreme attention-seeking behavior) combined with the fact that he is very rude (he's constantly hurling insults and screaming at the people helping him whether they are family or staff). He was already kicked out of one retirement facility because he was constantly shouting and saying he didn't want to be there (basically imagine any kind of bad behavior that someone could do short of getting themselves committed and he's done it), at his most recent memory care facility his behavior has kept up and he hit two orderlies. So they had him sent to a mental ward for a psych evaluation and, from what I've heard the psychiatrists have said that he has a ton of undiagnosed mental problems.
I don't live at home because I can't find employment with what I do back home, and my mom is 70+ and not in great health herself (they are also not together but are still involved). Also, the kind of care my father needs physically and mentally requires more than one person.
We are now in the issue of he's being discharged from the mental ward, but the memory care unit does not want to take him back, and the next memory care unit that was going to take him isn't answering our calls.
Does anyone have any suggestions? The only thing we can think left to do is have him committed, but I feel like that's harsh. I don't want my mom to give up what time she has left dealing with this, and I can't care for him myself.
Any help would be greatly appreciated.
When you say "committed" do you mean to the psych facility he is currently at? Wouldn't that be best until they get his issues under control?
He is right now a danger to himself and others and thus belongs in a facility that is licensed to treat a person with "a whole bunch of mental issues". He cannot be safely cared for in MC it seems if he is physically attacking the staff.
You can maintain contact with his psychiatrists and other supervisory personnel to determine when or if he can safely be placed in a less structured setting.
For now, all of your choices are limited to what is in place.
It is often necessary when dealing with adult elderly people with complex situations, to make choices that are not what we’d prefer, but rather are driven be the fact that no “good” choices are available.
You have a solution for him. Don’t second guess it. You and your mother need to be safe too. Be at peace with what you’re doing now.
Seems to me that he needs some meds to get his more difficult behaviors under control. Are your parents are still married and does she have authority over his decisions (POA)? If so, she could step up a bit and "help" the decision making process.