I don’t know how to handle 2 toxic siblings who are keen to maximise their inheritance. They show no care or compassion for Dad & leave me to care for him. But now that he has become ‘less aware’ they are suddenly seizing control over all household financial affairs & running aspects, whilst at exactly the same time have alienated me & refused to have any further communication with me. I am now left in the dark about everything. If Dad asks me when his shopping is coming say, I have to say I don’t know…same with any other questions. It breaks my heart to see him so confused & to not have answers for him. I worry for his future now…I fear they may plan to move him somewhere far away from me that costs less, as inheritance seems to be their top priority. They are telling all in authority that I am mentally ill, yet I have single handedly been left by them to look after Dad. It seems like a ploy to get me right out of the equation. I don’t know how to protect Dad…Im a lone voice as there are 2 of them.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Does he have POA paperwork prepared? I sure hope so. If not, you're really in a bad place. Not impossible, but more difficult. You might need to contact an attorney or Adult Protective Services.
Sorry your siblings are being such money hungry jerks.
Really, if your brothers put your Dad someplace, that will spend his money. AL/MCs are private pay and cost 5k a month and up. LTC is 10k and up. You can't get Medicaid if you have assets that can pay for your care. So putting your Dad somewhere will cost them their inheritance. If they try to hide money or spend it on themselves Medicaid has a 5 year look back period where they ask for 5 years of bank statements. If they spend or hide money Medicaid will know it.
You caring for Dad is saving their inheritance. You do all the work and they reap the rewards. I might ask that lawyer if its possible for you to get paid. Good way of saving ur inheritance.
If he hasn't seen his doctor very recently, make an appointment soon. It's also time to bring your dad to see an elder law attorney. There are levels of dementia and different standards for competency. The attorney should be able to determine where your father is in terms of durable medical and financial powers of attorney as well as any other estate planning documents he may need.
If your siblings already have POAs but you think that they are failing in the fiduciary duty, keep track of their actions with descriptions and dates. Then go over these with the attorney. Do not meet with the attorney alone. You want to avoid any undue influence challenge. Discuss petitioning for guardianship/conservatorship of your father. Realize that this can be involved and expensive.
Check to see if the probate court in your father's county has a mediation service. Sitting down and talking with your brothers with the guidance of a trained neutral third party could be helpful.
Caring for an elderly person with dementia can exacerbate emotional stress. It has mine. You need to take care of yourself as well as your father. Look for government and non-profit eldercare resources in your community to help you out. If your siblings' behavior is putting your father's wellbeing at risk, check with adult protective services, as again says in their comment.
Get POA ( guardianship ) for financial and health decisions.
What would happen if your siblings decided to sell your Dad's house ?
What would happen if they made a questionable medical decision?
I would make a consultation meeting with a lawyer, preferably one your siblings aren't friends with, to get a truly independent view of your situation. Take notes ! These things are sometimes confusing, but an Elder Care Attorney can direct you & clear things up in your mind !
God bless you & good luck !