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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Sure. Of course. But that's inevitable isn't it. Just this very a.m., don't even know what led up to it, but I (82) said to my partner (84) "You do understand that at this point we represent little other than a worry for our children?????" I paused and added: "And to one another!". (and I laughed. Only kidding. Hee hee...
Because of course that IS a fact. Why would it not be. I got cancer a year ago February (AGAIN) and he got a massive stroke Oct 24th (luckily turned around 100% by the quick administration of clot busters). We are SITTING DUCKS. We are DEAD MEN WALKING (and women!). That's life.
The sad thing, I think, is the deaths of children. No one expects them. I was just reading Roger Rosenblatt (Kayak Morning) essay on grief at the loss of his 38 year old doctor daughter. He never saw that coming, Jims.
So, look at it THIS WAY. We see it coming. We know. We are "sort of" prepared (because nothing can prepare you for how I found my man down Oct. 24th). I don't know. Is that any comfort? I hope so. Do what you can. Install camera in one room. Call once daily for the check in. It was the foster dog that came got me when partner tried to do his surprise final exit. I was watching Survivor on tape; thought that he had gone to bed with his book and his dog. Had she not come to get me I would have found him in the a.m. and he would have been dead or facing a future in which he wished he was. That clot showed up in the M1 curve of the MCA. Nasty.
We are little tin ducks in one of those carnival games, that go round and round while shooters pay their penny to knock us out. Hopefully we'll never know what hit us!
I've never liked cameras (not "photogenic") so that's probably a NO for me, but otherwise totally agree. WHY can't old-old folks make their Final Exit on their terms if that's their choice? When people died in their 60s there was usually a relatively short period of decline and disability, but that's not the case anymore. When I was younger, I said I didn't want to stick around to the point of merely taking up space. Well, I'm 88 now and I haven't changed my mind. I think my "use by" date was about 8 years ago--at the most! But Here. I. Am.
Constant worry is likely to kill YOU first or cause you major harm than it is to kill your parent. My mother fell 95x in AL and Memory Care Assisted Living facility but didn't die from any of those falls. So what was the point in me worrying? If you feel that anxiety ridden over finding your loved one unconscious, think about placing them in managed care. Or getting some counseling, at the very least, to come to terms with the inevitable passing of your loved ones.
I come from a family of championship class worriers. Having spent years watching them I had to choose not to join in. I saw the drawbacks of a fear based existence, constant freaking out over things completely out of my control and decided it wasn’t worth my own health and happiness. My dad had countless falls, including with me literally right next to him. I felt bad for him, just as I will feel bad for myself when I start falling. But worrying over the possibilities robs the joys of the day and changes nothing for the better. Yes to the serenity prayer, to taking a walk outdoors, and a bit of chocolate when needed
I had to smile. My niece, who is a nurse, says the same thing. AND I get how the oldest girl would have the same responsibility as an only. I will get over this. I think I have a little heightened anxiousness from his other falls. Thank you for your response.
Worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair on your front porch. It gives you something to do, but it gets you absolutely nowhere. So quit wasting your time worrying, and just enjoy whatever time you may have left with your parent.
You can't live in a constant state of worry and/or fear; that is not good for your mental or physical health. If you are religious, trust God and take it day by day. If you're not religious, take it day by day anyway. I know that's easier said than done though. Plan for as much as you can, but enjoy the time you have with your loved one now. BREATHE.
Thank you all. Just recently, I started to change my prayer from, "God, keep him safe," to, "God, take over the day." I think being an only child is hard as I'm the one responsible for him. Daily, I am retraining my brain to think less about it and take what comes.
Serenity prayer is what I have almost lived on and off of since my brother got sick five years ago. It has saved my sanity, what little I have left! And I am an ATHEIST. So go figure. I will take help wherever I can find it!!!
What good does worrying do? Honestly, it accomplishes absolutely nothing with regard to keeping your father safe, but it does destroy your life and happiness. So, why do it?
If there's something practical you need to do, and CAN do (sometimes parents just won't let you do what you feel needs to be done), then do it. Otherwise, just let go of the worry, live your life as you want and need to, and enjoy whatever time you do have with your parents.
Your heart is in the right place with wanting them to be safe and to be here forever, but find better ways to expend the emotional energy than with useless worry.
I think it is in the back of everyone's mind if they have that situation going on. But it can burn you out and in the end..doesn't matter how much you 'worried'. Old people fall. Or have a heart attack or stroke.
Constant worry is pointless. Just deal with each day as it comes.
When my grandmother was aging, we had a calling list--there were 7 of us and each of us had to call her and make verbal contact with her on 'our day'. That worked well. She had her independence and we had less 'worry'.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
But that's inevitable isn't it.
Just this very a.m., don't even know what led up to it, but I (82) said to my partner (84) "You do understand that at this point we represent little other than a worry for our children?????"
I paused and added: "And to one another!". (and I laughed. Only kidding. Hee hee...
Because of course that IS a fact. Why would it not be. I got cancer a year ago February (AGAIN) and he got a massive stroke Oct 24th (luckily turned around 100% by the quick administration of clot busters).
We are SITTING DUCKS.
We are DEAD MEN WALKING (and women!).
That's life.
The sad thing, I think, is the deaths of children.
No one expects them.
I was just reading Roger Rosenblatt (Kayak Morning) essay on grief at the loss of his 38 year old doctor daughter.
He never saw that coming, Jims.
So, look at it THIS WAY.
We see it coming. We know. We are "sort of" prepared (because nothing can prepare you for how I found my man down Oct. 24th).
I don't know. Is that any comfort? I hope so.
Do what you can. Install camera in one room. Call once daily for the check in.
It was the foster dog that came got me when partner tried to do his surprise final exit. I was watching Survivor on tape; thought that he had gone to bed with his book and his dog. Had she not come to get me I would have found him in the a.m. and he would have been dead or facing a future in which he wished he was. That clot showed up in the M1 curve of the MCA. Nasty.
We are little tin ducks in one of those carnival games, that go round and round while shooters pay their penny to knock us out.
Hopefully we'll never know what hit us!
Best of luck to you.
I am 75 and after years of being a worry wort, I have stopped. It does no change things. My daughter, RN, says "they will fall".
So quit wasting your time worrying, and just enjoy whatever time you may have left with your parent.
I think being an only child is hard as I'm the one responsible for him. Daily, I am retraining my brain to think less about it and take what comes.
If there's something practical you need to do, and CAN do (sometimes parents just won't let you do what you feel needs to be done), then do it. Otherwise, just let go of the worry, live your life as you want and need to, and enjoy whatever time you do have with your parents.
Your heart is in the right place with wanting them to be safe and to be here forever, but find better ways to expend the emotional energy than with useless worry.
Constant worry is pointless. Just deal with each day as it comes.
When my grandmother was aging, we had a calling list--there were 7 of us and each of us had to call her and make verbal contact with her on 'our day'. That worked well. She had her independence and we had less 'worry'.