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Lies are not part of dementia. Delusions are. With dementia, people no longer know (they forget) or understand what the truth is. Their brains no longer work the way they should. And you cannot explain or reason with dementia. When it is tried, it only causes frustration and agitation. It makes no sense to argue with dementia. Don't even try.
You are being told what is their truth. They actually believe what they are telling you IS the truth. Best for all involved to not correct or argue, go along with it. Redirect, feel compassion. Drop it.
Thankyou. I'm trying my very best to ignore. Catching my father in a blatant lie, I know I'll have to to just agree with him. He is seriously deluded, and will become worse as time goes on. My siblings don't really want much to do with him, but he is trying to turn me against them and we have always been close. I don't want this to. happen.
I’m not sure that a person with dementia has the mental capacity to lie or, as you wrote, “turn things around”. However, people with dementia can be very childlike and we know children will “fib” to keep themselves out of trouble. I do know that confronting a person with dementia won’t do much good. They don’t have much control over their emotions. My mother would immediately slap someone who would touch her. If you know your father is lying or trying to “play” you, just ignore it.
“Confabulation” is worth taking a look at to help you understand what is going on with your father. He is not willfully lying or trying to mislead you.
It’s a common part of dementia. Here is an article on confabulation from this forum. Very interesting. There are many more. Use the search on this forum. As the dementia progresses it seemed to me that the confabulation stopped as the person had no or less memory to draw from, not even the faulty one.
Reading the first couple replies here is interesting. My mother was diagnosed with major neurocognitive disorder (the new word for dementia since the DSM 5) last spring. This was after a very thorough neuro-psych evaluation ordered by her neurologist, so the diagnosis is legit. Not to mention I see dementia behaviors on a regular basis. But my mother still lies. So in my experience YES, people with dementia can and do lie.
It's possible that in more advanced states that "ability" is lost as others have stated. Even with my mom, I catch her in more lies now because she isn't as savvy as she used to be when it comes to deception.
My mother with dementia is the Queen of Liars! She will say anything she has to say to support her case, even when its a bald faced lie. The Memory Care community she lives in tells me all the time how mother loves to "exaggerate" and "embellish" which are 2 more words for LYING, as we all know. Nobody should ever say that a dementia patient is "incapable" of lying.....that is untrue and a blanket statement which cannot and does not apply to everyone. My mother has moderate dementia, it should be noted. Perhaps when she progresses to advanced or severe dementia her ability to lie will vanish, although I doubt it. Muscle memory is stronger than ANYTHING, especially for a person who's lied for 9 decades. Put nothing past them
The DSM-5 was actually released and published in 2013. The Alzheimer's Association still uses the term dementia that is more specific than major cognitive decline which could be from any mental illness.
This link is an interesting read that helps to clarify confusion from the two terms. https://www.todaysgeriatricmedicine.com/archive/110612p12.shtml
Yes I've read that article before, it's basically semantics. No doubt my mother has dementia. I don't care if someone wants to call it major neurocognitive disorder or dementia. Same thing.
I just wanted the OP to know that some people with dementia do lie. My mother is one of them.
Lies and turning things around have been part of my mother's personality before she was diagnosed with dementia in 2016, and especially since that diagnosis. She's an even bigger liar now. People and experts and science papers may tell you otherwise, but we in the trenches will tell you the truth. Now, if a person is in late stage dementia or stage 6 Alzheimer's, it's safe to say they're probably incapable of lying.....or of talking much in general, for that matter. But in early and moderate stages, you bet your sweet bippy it's possible!
My father has not yet been diagnosed with dementia, and I hate to say that short of dragging him. to his Dr by a rope, nothing will move him to be diagnosed. any time soon. Extremely difficult and stubborn. But I have worked in Aged Care and have seen the signs and different phases that the elderly experience, and while I didn't encounter many lies etc,.I am seeing gradual.cognitive decline in my Dad. He asked me 2 days ago did I think he is going around the bend as he describes dementia, and sadly I responded in the affirmative. I'm.not going to temporize. It is what it is. The anger, the temper tantrums, argumentative and manipulation.and self pity. These latter traits have been worsening close to a year now. I was hoping that he may have gone the other way with dementia.
They tend to confabulate. They try to make things what they want them to be at any moment. They will say what they want in some cases. In others they will say what they think YOU want to hear. It is not purposeful and knowledgeable lies per se. It is just being in a state we cannot imagine really, because we are not there. They sort of make it up as they go along, and there is honestly not any premeditation involved.
Oh my goodness. My dad lies all the time. And he does it knowingly. He has dementia but still has enough his wits to know when he's telling the truth and when he's not. It usually involves money.
They aren't lies. Its how his mind now perceives his world.
At a point, with my Mom, TV, dreams and reality all became one. She would get so into TV that she thought it was real. She was watching an old episode of emergency. The building exploded, she thought my house was going to, too. Our Church streams the service. I would get her dressed, fed and set up the laptop for the service. She thought she was in church and when I would come back for the laptop, she thought I was taking her home.
Their minds just wander. They no longer can reason, process or comprehend that what they r saying on doing maybe wrong. And nothing u say will make them admit they are wrong. All part of the decease.
In my mom’s situation yes! She has stories and no matter how far fetched they are her truths, you cannot convince her otherwise. She confuses TV shows and magazine covers with reality these celebrities and politicians all have a special connection with her. Now instead of trying to convince her these people are not real , I just ask about their visits with her when she brings them up.
It’s frustrating when she tells lies to doctors, and other professionals about her care which are blatant untruths. Unfortunately she does these things and then forgets about, any damage or hurt feelings that may have resulted from things she says. My mantra is becoming it’s not her it’s the disease!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You are being told what is their truth. They actually believe what they are telling you IS the truth. Best for all involved to not correct or argue, go along with it. Redirect, feel compassion. Drop it.
“play” you, just ignore it.
It’s a common part of dementia. Here is an article on confabulation from this forum. Very interesting. There are many more. Use the search on this forum. As the dementia progresses it seemed to me that the confabulation stopped as the person had no or less memory to draw from, not even the faulty one.
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/communicating-with-dementia-patients-150914.htm
It's possible that in more advanced states that "ability" is lost as others have stated. Even with my mom, I catch her in more lies now because she isn't as savvy as she used to be when it comes to deception.
Nobody should ever say that a dementia patient is "incapable" of lying.....that is untrue and a blanket statement which cannot and does not apply to everyone. My mother has moderate dementia, it should be noted. Perhaps when she progresses to advanced or severe dementia her ability to lie will vanish, although I doubt it. Muscle memory is stronger than ANYTHING, especially for a person who's lied for 9 decades. Put nothing past them
This link is an interesting read that helps to clarify confusion from the two terms.
https://www.todaysgeriatricmedicine.com/archive/110612p12.shtml
I just wanted the OP to know that some people with dementia do lie. My mother is one of them.
At a point, with my Mom, TV, dreams and reality all became one. She would get so into TV that she thought it was real. She was watching an old episode of emergency. The building exploded, she thought my house was going to, too. Our Church streams the service. I would get her dressed, fed and set up the laptop for the service. She thought she was in church and when I would come back for the laptop, she thought I was taking her home.
Their minds just wander. They no longer can reason, process or comprehend that what they r saying on doing maybe wrong. And nothing u say will make them admit they are wrong. All part of the decease.
It’s frustrating when she tells lies to doctors, and other professionals about her care which are blatant untruths. Unfortunately she does these things and then forgets about, any damage or hurt feelings that may have resulted from
things she says. My mantra is becoming it’s not her it’s the disease!