I have a brother in law who's mum is refusing to send a copy of a will and she is sat in a house £100.000 grand house has two disabled daughters with autism but one is more severe and non verbal she doesn't see the child or tries to help and she has everything to do with the other. we are struggling as a family to care for her and get the full support she deserves. we are all annoyed at the fact she is so selfish and to top it off she is hiding stuff and wont send a copy of a will. end of the day he has a right to see what future is secured for this poor child and her dad is refusing to help and wont have the courage to tell his mother that she needs to make an effort. she has passed a lot of things on and she is disgusting to the core if my grandchildren was going through this id have sold my house and lived on the streets to help my kids and my mother in law is so stuck and we are all at breaking point.. end of the day this child will not be able to live a normal life such as go to university and get married. my mum in law is going through a lot of things including the fact her husband is also gay and we are sure his mother knew about it and didn't speak up so not only that the fact she refuses to right by her grand child but a lot of people have been dragged into a mess that is difficult to get out of. lives are being ruined and no one is taking responsibility this is my only way I'm trying to reach out for help because we are being pulled at the seams and this situation is so out of control I've had no choice but seek help this way.. she refused to help and she passed it on to her grand kids and she is being completely
I really have a hard time following this whole scenario. But it is clear that no one is required to reveal what is in their own will.
If your mother in law's mother in law had spoken up about the perceived tendencies of your father in law, even setting aside the context of those less enlightened times, then presumably neither your husband nor your brother in law would be with us today. Just sayin', as they say.
£100K is not very much house, not in the current market. And given what she's going through, would you really expect your ageing MIL to render herself homeless in order to provide, max, three years' care for only one of her grandchildren?
Anyway. So your concern is for the future of a child with severe autism, and for the anxieties this is creating for your BIL?
How old are the girls?
Where is their mother?
What support is the family receiving from statutory authorities?
This does sound like a colourfully dysfunctional family and I'm sure it is creating a good deal of stress and tension for all concerned. But blaming individuals is not going to help, and your MIL has as much right as anyone to come to terms with the issues in her own way and in her own time.
The best way you can support your BIL is to get busy online researching options and resources. The local authority for their area is the obvious place to start, but you could also approach organisations like MIND for support and advice.
Perhaps she just doesn't want all the family to know what her plans are.
How do you know for sure she hasn't already made plans for the special needs child/adult?
Is it HER will, of the will of someone else who has died, and you believe that other family members stand to inherit some monies, which will help with the care of the autistic children?
https://www.gov.uk/wills-probate-inheritance/searching-for-probate-records
I think the OP needs to return and clarify this issue.
So, basically, the OP's upset, and I can sympathise with that at least. Quite what the FIL's covert sexual identity has to do with anything though... I'm at a bit loss, there.
The laws and regulations and support structures are different here, true - yours are even more complicated! I complain a lot less these days about what we have to put up with - but the principles and certainly the aims are broadly parallel.
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