Due to family riff 6 months ago I left my position taking care of my elderly mom and stepfather 80 and 86 they had every phone number to home health etc. I left making sure they had all the contacts they needed. My stepfather made it impossible for me to help my mom he guarded her like a hawk and I had limited access to help her in home, although I worked around it it was hard getting past him. I was turned into a care slave, actually they are both narcissistic and selfish, entitled lazy, well I got a call last week, my mom said stepfather in hospital with dementia delirium and she has a sprained wrist from trying to run down the driveway to yell at someone, without her walker, my brother took her out of the hospital with sprained wrist and convinced her to call me for help I reluctantly did to my error, because my brother wouldn't stay with her after 5 days of me being there it was back to toxicity with them, all brother cared about was taking their car, borrowing some money because he is in trouble, and entertaining my stepfathers kids at the nursing home, he told me he is moving in to the house his behavior was so off and quite scary I told my mom she said she doesn't care she will never turn her back on him I understand that, I could never live near them or with them, and I had a panic attack and left, now she is back in the hospital her husband is lost to dementia, I just can't however I'm power of atty what do I do?
Good luck to you.
involved with my toxic, mentally ill son who keeps trying to turn me into his fixer for all the problems and drama he stirs up for himself.
You do a certified letter to both mom and stepdad at whatever address they each are located, that states you are resigning as POA. Also send it to the law firm that did their POA and will.
However, it seems your brother will be moving in and he will create further conflict for you, so I would think very hard about what you want to do here. Your mom's needs will only increase with time. I don't know if she is currently competent or not. She may well need to be placed as well, but if she is of sound mind, you have no legal say in the matter.
You can resign POA and step way back and let the cards fall where they may. If they can't manage on their own, you call APS as you've been advised below. Under the circumstances as described, I don't think I would keep POA and become a hands-on caregiver. It sounds like you've got 2 uncooperative seniors and 1 brother who will create chaos. Those are two problems you don't need.
Tell the hospital that there is no one at home to care for her! She will be unsafe!
They need to transfer her to a skilled nursing facility. As POA, you can choose a facility and work with the hospital social worker, as well as her doctor, to get her transferred there directly.
Stop allowing all the family drama and dysfunction to guide your decisions. It is up to you to take charge and make decisions which are in your mother's best interest. That does not mean you need to come running every time she calls. It does mean you are obligated to find the best care for her. Sell the house, if you have the power to do so, and use the funds to pay for her care in a nursing home.
If she is fully cognizant and wants to live in her home, fine. Let her. Stay away and let her fail. You can not fix a narcissistic or stubborn parent. Many stubborn elders die in their home, without help, or wait until a major emergency sends them to the hospital. From there, they don't go home again.
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