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My FIL is in a NH with my MIL. He has anger issues about being there. He was admitted when he fell at home while being interviewed by the Aging Department. His wife had been admitted 1 month prior and she was worried about him at home alone. Anyway, when he fell, they called an ambulance and off to the hospital, then he agreed to go to NH. He has prostrate problems and trouble with his bowels. He is very angry to have to wear a bag for his prostrate, and even angrier that it has to be removed and cleaned once a month. He continually is telling us about his penis, and what it feels like to have that needle inserted. Over and over again. He wants to be home, and he wants to drive his car. He just turned 95 in January and she is 89. She cannot take care of herself at all, barely walking now. He still gets up, dresses, and rolls down the hallways in his wheelchair. They know that I have been emptying out their home, as it will have a lien placed against it because we applied for Medicaid. The NH has all their savings, about $22,000.00. They have not yet started attaching the social security. I am using that money to pay out-standing debts that they have. Several have been turned over to collection agencies. They are allowed to keep $4800.00 in the bank, which will have to be used to bury them, when the time comes. My question is: what happens to all the bills I am receiving for medicines, doctor visits, hospital, Nursing Home...when I only have $1100.00 monthly right now. And when they get Medicaid they will only have $145.00 monthly between them.
My MIL is not the most pleasant of people....very critical of everything at the Home. She loved it when she first went there. Now everything is terrible and she is sorry she ever went there. She is at the point now, where she expects everything done for her. From bathroom to getting in and out of bed, and she must be pushed in the wheelchair, she cannot move it on her own with her feet. I took her out for lunch for her birthday, and it was all I could do to get her in and out of my car. She is a big woman, and I use a transport chair because her wheelchair is way too much for me to handle. I am totally frustrated with this situation. My dear parents left this world peacefully 10 years ago. And I have been saddled with my inlaws since I married my husband. My own children will have nothing to do with them, because of my MIL being so very critical of them. My MIL hates Jews, blacks and whatever else she decides. My one daughter married a wonderful Jewish fellow, and another daughter married a wonderful black fellow. Both have beautiful children. Another daughter had a child out of wedlock....that child has my heart and is a diabetic since the age of 4. She is now 16 and healthy. But my MIL will always have something to say about all of them.
Sorry to be so ranting, but sometimes you just have to let off steam:))
Jane
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Sorry dont have an answer, but i found it to be an interesting question as I have been taking a small $200-400 salary per month for being moms live in caregiver for the past 8 ys as well as having the POA! It never occured to me that it could be a conflict as it a reasonable amount for 24/7 care! If not I could not survive and would have to put her on medicaid and go back to work.
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The way it was explained to me by an Elder-Care liaison at hospital is this: When she was released from NH/Hospital care we could charge her fair market value for her room/board and if I took classes to certify myself in caregiving or had to give up a full time job and there was a legal form/invoice outlining my pay each month it may be ok. The big IF is this: if ANY bills go unpaid to Dr.s, facilities, etc and I have been getting even $1/month, as the POA I am legally responsible for "misuse of access to funds" at the very least, and it is criminal. My husband and I never planned to get paid, I am off work for health reasons for a year, but my MIL is a blamer, as are her other children so my husband and I asked every "can we be held responsible for her debt" question we could think of, and we got sound answers before we accepted task of co-POA....it is a huge responsibility. The other thing we learned is that if she was on MEDICAID, they do provide a salary to family caregivers which they pay, not the patient. Good luck with this, an elder's money is a touchy and emotional subject and if you read posts in the "finance" section of this website you will see many, many people who eventually get in trouble with family or government for "stealing", maybe that section would give you better insight.
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when I took over caregiving duties and POA was reassigned to me, included in the form was a provision for a certain amount to be paid each month to the caregiver/poa. I am in the process of rewriting my husband's and mine to include this as well. If it is not possible to have a revised poa done, I don't see why a Medicaid social worker would object to payments to self in line with the wages paid to home heath workers in your area. you would feel better, check with a social worker .
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I have been POA for my mother since my father passed away in 2007. After my mother fell & broke her hip in 2010, then progressed to early dementia & moving into our house, I consulted an elder law attorney. Among other things he suggested a care giver agreement between my mom, my wife & me. He said to document all time & money spent in her care; prepare a monthly statement & keep copies of all receipts; document everything. He said that all of this would fall outside of the Medicaid 5 year look back because it is time & money spent in providing care for my mom.
Laws vary state-to-state. I suggest at very least you arrange for an initial consultation with an elder law attorney. Here in Virginia most of them do not charge for the initial consultation.
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Good advice from GrandpaHiker. Always document what and when the money was taken, keep receipts and you can find documents online to help with your situation and state laws. You did not mention where your mother's money comes from and sadly caregiving full time is usually a non-paying job for a family member, but I do not know all your details. (A social worker, nurse and a paralegal)FSW
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Yes, keep records.. whenever you provide transportation to her doctor's or hospital visits you can get 55 cents per mile and keeping good records is key. This is also to be deducted from your parent's federal taxes. Be in the habit of documenting all trips along with medical info from each of those visits including an updated med list. Keeping a notebook with each section gas,miles, and dates + doctor or hospital w diagnosis and med list...etc. TAX time then should not be as taxing. Do make a statement monthly.
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I am not sure of the Laws in Texas but taking care of two 85 year old parents is time consuming. We are alone in the journey since my husbands brothers choose to not be available. I think we should be paid because I do not have time to get a full time job but as of right now it is volunteer ..........Great tips since my husband is in line for POA ! Thanks
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There is a chance of losing my full time job soon. I live with my 92yr old father and 59yr old brother who has MS. There definitely is a need for my full time help with med, shopping, cooking, phone calls all everyday activites. Should I make some arrangement with both of them for care and be paid for such care? They have expressed an interest in this. By the way I am 63 and don't really know what my future holds. Any ideas?? Thanks
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Here in Wisconsin the most expedient answer is to contact your ADRC (Aging & Disability Resource Center) in your county. In some cases, you might be eligible for payment, the plan of care is what is needed with specific training and duties associated with that pay. There are cares that are essential that the payment fees cover and then there are incidental cares which are available because of the need of the essential cares. It definitely is worth your time to connect with the right resource in your state. Even if you opt not to proceed today, knowing the pathway down the road is often comforting - both to you and to the family dynamic.
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