I’m her caregiver I’ve no siblings. I’ve always looked after her taking her with us in weekend breaks etc., she’s now 94 yrs old she had a stroke 5 yrs ago and now has vascular dementia mild/moderate debilitating arthritis in knees wrists etc., so mobility is limited. I’ve moved her in with me and my family she occupies the living room and I do her personal care. There are now 5 adults in our 3 bed semi my living room sofas are in my dining area so we had to get rid of the table. We are a little crowded. Question is can I charge her living expenses the heating is on constantly at the moment??
Also does your mother have POA drawn up ? Have you considered placement for mom in a care facility ?
Placement may become necessary some day . The lawyer can speak to you about what you need to do to not cause a problem with Medicaid look back ( if you are in the US) You should ask about that as well .
Does your mother have money that could be used for facility care, such as, did she have a house that she sold to move in with you?
My MIL was in an excellent LTC facility (faith-based). Her only income was SS (no savings, no assets, no properties) She had memory impairment and was bed bound due to chronic back pain and muscle atrophy. She was there for 7 years before she passed and got excellent care. I had an Aunt who started to display dementia in 1989 (which means she had it prior to that). She was in her late 80s at the time and lived to almost 101. Please consider that your Mom may be in your home for a long time if she doesn't have any other chronic medical conditions.
Please keep LTC option in your mind as a solution. You do not need to tell your Mom anything that would upset her. But, caregiver burnout is a real thing that your Mom would not want you to suffer. Your self-care is the priority.
So basically, yes, you can charge for shared living expenses, but the person must be competent enough to agree to pay them, and it must be legally done.
That will depend upon her ability to do so. You cannot simply confiscate her money and assets. So it is time for you both to see an elder law attorney about shared living expenses contract.
If you do not have this carefully and LEGALLY made out, then your getting money from her will look like "gifting" and she will be unable to get any governmental assistance with placement (if needed) or care because of that gifting.
This is a case, where you are so unknowing, and the LEGAL issues are so DIRE, that you need the help of a certified Elder Law Attorney. Your mother's funds pay for this consult.
I will add a "HOWEVER" to all this. If you cannot provide a safe and uncrowded place for your mother in your home she should not be there, and you are charging for something unsafe, unkind, and a burden to ALL involved. THAT won't work.