Her husband’s first concern is his pocketbook and not my mom. He has gotten in the way of her care for a few years now and now that her symptoms are getting worse he has stepped back some. Of course she has gone along with him but she is now realizing something is wrong and needs care. We live in IN and am wondering if he could get in the way of her giving me POA. We’ve only been to 2 appointments and had several tests and is already complaining about what it will cost him.
If there is a possibility that she has been or will be diagnosed with dementia it may be tricky. An Elder Care Attorney will talk to her, alone, and they will determine if the think she is competent and is understanding of any documents that she signs.
If they do not think she understands what is being asked of her then your option would be to obtain Guardianship. This would require going before a Judge and explaining why you think that you should be her Guardian rather than her husband. And that is not where your job ends. It is involved, it is time consuming and it can be expensive. Although costs should be borne by your mother and her assets.
If you have any documentation that he is in anyway not giving or getting your mom the care that she needs that would be helpful in obtaining Guardianship
She may also want to discuss her financial situation with someone. If her name is not on any of their assets or investments, this will eventually pose a problem if he doesn't pass away first (so that she inherits all of it). Not much can happen if she doesn't have any financial resources of her own.
Her husband needs to be informed of what happens when a senior in decline doesn't have a PoA: they run a very high risk of becoming the ward of a court-assigned legal guardian -- because it won't be his wife or any other family member, it will be a third party.
My Aunt was married to a creepy man whose #1 god and love was money. It didn't end well for him. Their sons went in and removed my Aunt (who by then had advancing ALZ) from their house. He, at 90 yrs old, freaked out and went first to his bank where he fell and gave himself a TBI and passed away. Poetic justice.
What gives me pause is that her care is costing her husband. What's that about?
If he doesn't want to pay for the care she is receiving, I wonder if he could divorce her, which I'm sure will cost him more in the long run.
He can't stop her from giving you POA, but he could object to treatments that he is paying for. I'm not sure how doctors or the insurance company respond to such a situation. I would take mom to meet with an Elder Law Attorney.