Can you get in trouble for leaving a bedridden patient alone for an hour or two?

If someone is in such vulnerable circumstances I would not be able to feel comfortable leaving him or her alone.

I hope you can find someone who can help you cover the time you need.

Did the nurse say where she would lodge the complaint? Maybe it would be of some help if you were able to find out, or ask someone (your mother’s doctor maybe?) if your plan was OK.

When someone is on Hospice there needs to be someone there 24/7. I am surprised an aide comes everyday. If so, ask if on Sunday she can stay an extra hour so u can run an errand.

Just a question, if you live so close to Mom, why can't you get her what she needs on lets say Saturday?

Of course she is at risk being left alone. When my dad started on hospice we were told clearly that he couldn’t be alone at all. We used volunteers from his friends and church at the beginning when we needed a break, scheduling them at times in the afternoons when he needed the least help. When his care got more intense I hired CNA’s I found through the hospice company, they weren’t employed by hospice, just people who had worked in the field and who hospice was familiar with. They were excellent with my dad. Please don’t leave her alone, there are risks from falls, fire, someone breaking in, etc. it’s not worth the chance however small

Well apparently I am the only rule beaker here, as when my husband was bedridden for 22 months and under hospice care the entire time, I (being his sole caregiver) had to occasionally leave to run to the store or meet a friend for lunch, or go to the Dr, which of course meant my husband was home alone. Again he was bedridden, so there was no way I had to worry about him getting out of the bed and falling, as he couldn't. I also had security cameras around the house and one specifically in the living room where he was, so I could check on him at any time. I do remember his hospice nurse asking me a couple times who stays with him when I leave, and when I responded no one, she never questioned it or said that I shouldn't/couldn't leave, as she knew it was just me with him. You have to just use your common sense here. Obviously I never left my husband for long, and it sounds like you don't either. I wouldn't get my undies in a bundle if I were you over this. There are so many more important issues I am sure that need your attention. Just keep doing the best you can.

And P.S. and by the way, how in the world did you find a Hospice agency that sends an aide out every day to bathe your mom??? I've never heard of such a thing. My husband got bathed only twice a week while he was under their care, and none during the worst of Covid.(my son and I had to do it )

There are many, many people who are not independently mobile who live alone. I don't know what the law says in your state, it should be reasonably easy to check, but I would be surprised if you were breaking any law.

Having said that... looking back, no I don't think there was a moment after my mother returned home bedridden that she was left alone in the home. Not as far as I can recall. I barely went out, and at the time my exSO also lived with us, plus we had daily visits from care providers.

And I don't think I would if I were doing it again.

Is your mother able to operate a call button? Can she summon help/the emergency services if she needs to?

I don't want to pry or to lecture, but what is it that can't be left undone at your home on Sundays? Is it impossible to shift your schedule around?

I would advise you never to do this. It is like leaving a helpless child. Elders can actually get tangled in rails and strangle. Even in hospitals it is every 15 minute check. I do not know if the hospice meant this is against THEIR rules nor known to whom she/he would be reporting. That isn't really the question. It is a question of morality. So if you cannot safely care for Mom in home she requires placement in facility with hospice or in nursing home with hospice. Otherwise it is ordering groceries out, having caretaker in while you shop and etc. Sorry. Know this is horribly difficult. Recognize your limitations.

Yes she is at risk being left alone and being bed ridden. The nurse finding her alone is obligated to call adult protective services. But the nurse provided you with education first. If your mother cannot express she is okay with being left alone, she doesn’t understand her own risk. If she is not able to use the phone to call 911 then she is helpless in case of an emergency. APS would investigate If called, and talk you about your options. I know it’s hard to try and do everything on your own. Ask the hospice if they have a volunteer that can come and sit for a few hours per week while you run errands.

I fully understand the idea of full care. But what if you were in the kitchen baking cookies for an hour or so, not at your LO's bedside? Is that also neglect? I think that reason needs to prevail, though not leaving the home.

First of all the nurse has no right to make threats to you about anything. Second of all, you are in charge of your mother's care. Nursing, social work, nor anyone else has any right to just "pop in" when their schedules permit. Insist that they call first before coming AND that they make a schedule with you for what times they will be coming to your mom's home. Of course this will all have to be arranged during times when it is convenient for YOU to have them visit. Make this known to them and be insistent that they abide by it. Nobody is going to get you in trouble for running back to your house for an hour. You DO NOT have to explain yourself or justify your actions to these people. They will often threaten and treat a family caregiver like you're one of their employees. You are not. You do not work for them. They work for you. If your mom is bedridden then it is fine to leave her alone for short periods of time if you have to. Just don't make it known to the nursing and social work staff who is on her case. it is none of their business and if the nurse wants to run her mouth about getting you in trouble for leaving your mom for an hour, then tell her she can sit there and watch her instead.

I think the way the nurse treated you was wrong and judgmental. Your mother is on hospice, which means she's accepted that she is going to die. She could die while you prepared lunch, got the mail or took a shower. It is not practicable for you to watch her every single second. And I don't understand those who suggest that you do. You are doing the best you can. Tell the nurse to show you some compassion and keep her threats for people who actually neglect and abuse their elders.

A bedridden person should never be left alone. She could choke on her own saliva. I hope the SW reports this to APS. Being away from the bedside for a few minutes is one thing; away from the house is something else.

In response to BurntCaregiver, yes her mother is on hospice. The purpose of hospice is to provide a dignified and comfortable passing as well as support the family. Leaving someone alone to choke, fall and injure themselves, or God forbid burn in a house fire is neither dignified or comfortable.

We just learned directly from a "surprise visit" from APS (she called them AGAIN) that there are many things APS considers as abuse/neglect. You can find the laws in your state & if you are the caregiver you should know the requirements to a T. The requirements vary depending on the LO's level of functioning. In our case, our mother has declined so rapidly she is unsure where she is, can't figure out how to use the phone, unlock a door, etc. This is a major safety issue & she absolutely can't be left alone in the house. No matter how short a period the LO is alone, you could be held responsible if anything goes amiss (fire, sudden chest pains requiring EMS...). APS considers this "neglect" & will investigate. Depending on the circumstances, you may be subject to your state's judicial system & if found guilty of neglect you could be fined or even given a short prison term. Scary, huh? From here on out, we are making a video each & every time she is gets meds, from opening the box, to each swallow until every pill is taken. We include on the video telling her date, time, & the med names. That way, if your LO has memory issues and can't remember taking the pills then you can show them the video when they come looking for more meds. Likewise, if your LO or someone else calls APS then you have the videos for backup. My mother is so tricky and mean and such a liar that we now record every conversation regarding her care. It's not always possible, but we get most of the conversations recorded -- proof we are not abusing her in whatever flavor of abuse she cooks up that day. You must know your state's laws on recording someone without their permission. Where I am, only 1 person in the conversation needs to know about the recording & that is me. Being a caregiver is hard enough, and when the LO makes claims of abuse it makes everything even more difficult. Document absolutely everything you can, receipts, conversations, who came and when and what they did. We have to do this to protect ourselves. I'm not going to jail after I've given so much to an abusive parent for so long. If it is possible for any authority to ask you to provide proof of anything, then doing this & being prepared in advance will certainly help. I am not an attorney & I am not instructing anyone, just telling how we handle it. These are the items we considered in our own plan (I'm sure there are many others): Plug protectors, Smoke Alarms, Unplug appliances, Nightlight in bath & Bedroom, hide Matches/Lighters, Window stops max 4" opening, Carbon Monoxide detector, Fire extinguisher (working) in kitchen but not near stove, Alarms that notify when a door/window is opened, Store household cleaning, medicines, detergents, vitamins - lock up as for children, Hair dryers hidden, Doorknob covers on bath doors & to exterior, Cleared floor of trip hazards, Night lights in every room/hallway, Grab bars in shower/bath, Bathtub faucet cover (scalding), Remove bathroom door locks, Stove safety knobs or remove knobs, Disconnect garbage disposal, No artificial food decor or food shaped magnets, Keep washer/dryer lids closed, Garage: lock up tools, machines, paint, fertilizer, cleansers, any toxic items, keep car keys hidden, Mark edges of steps with bright tape, Emergency numbers by phone, extra house key hidden outside in case you get locked out, Keep off uneven walking areas like flagstone, knives under lock, Hide tobacco products, Hide hand/power tools, Pantry patrol (items/reach), Avoid extension cords/tack to baseboards, Hide alcohol, hide your own meds, plastic bags out of reach (suffocate), Hide scissors, lock up OTC meds, Secure "junk drawer" small objects that can be eaten, secure desk drawers, Keep electric heating pads out of reach, Don't leave alone in bathroom, Grab bars toilet/tub/shower, Stickers on glass/mirrors, Remove knobs from washer/dryer, Lock cars, card in wallet w/diagnosis/address/name/phone, Hide razors, shampoo, First aid box.

First, for those that are bashing this poor woman, scolding her, shame on you! ! She is crying out for help NOT criticism!
You, my dear, are doing the best you can and sounds like you are doing a great job! Installing cameras, the anxiety of running that errand, YES, you do care very much!
Consider a different hospice, after that they should be fired! The new hospice I have for my mom is night and day difference. One week they told me mom needs 24/7 care, the next week, because she could barely wobble to the toilet she no longer qualifies. Came in and cut her off. Then I get a call from protective services. A week later mom is diagnosed with lung cancer. I may ask, why is mom bedridden? Does this hospice have her "morphed" out already?

I would never leave a bedridden person alone!

After reading all the comments on this thread, i know from first hand experience that in hospitals or nursing homes, even inpatient hospice, that the patients are left alone. Unless the family can afford to hire 24 hour caregivers.....and im only speaking of a patient that is totally bedridden like the OP states. Obviously this OP loves and cares for her mother very much or she wouldnt be doing all that she does!

There are bedridden patients everywhere in hospitals and, nursing homes. Many of those are non verbal. What do the nurses and doctors do? Assign someone to sit vigil 24/7 to stare at the patients?

In hospitals and care facilities, when a patient pushes the HELP button to call for help, no nurse or CNA ever comes right away. Usually it takes 15 minutes to 30 minutes for someone to show up. Sometimes, no one shows up at all. Should they be charged with neglect?

I wonder how often the hospital and care facility staff actually check on their patients. Every minute? Every hour? Or every few hours? In between checks, patients fall all the time. I bet some patients choked to death too and no one was there.

I wonder if they should be charged with neglect.

The essential point that has not been clarified is whether this bedridden hospice patient can or cannot call for help in an emergency. Is she able to use an alarm?

You said yourself you pay for someone else to care for her every day but Sunday. Why must you go to your house, supposedly for one or two hours on the only day you are actually caring for her? Who cares for her at night on all the other days?

Your question is not about the well being of your mother. It’s about you and “being caught.” The anxiety and fear your mother may feel about being left unsupervised doesn’t even enter into it. If she’s completely unconscious, it’s even worse. Maybe you’d get it if the house caught fire while you were supposedly at your house watching your mother on a camera. I’m sure you’ll feel really good about those bars that prevent her from getting out of bed then. With your mother in the condition she is in, if she is conscious, those bars act as restraints that would not permit her to escape in the event of an emergency.

My opinion is that the nurse should have reported you the first time she caught you as she is required by law to do. It’s obvious that you are turning to this forum hoping that someone will tell you that your conduct is ok and the authorities will condone it. And so you have (see below).

Leaving a completely vulnerable bedridden adult alone for several continuous hours a day is a crime, in the same way leaving an infant unattended would be. If you can’t give your mother your undivided attention, either hire a Sunday caregiver or place her in a setting where concerned caregivers will take care of her. And if this nurse is showing up unannounced, it must mean that you are on her radar and she will soon return to see if she can catch you again. So it behooves you to stop leaving her alone if for no other reason than avoiding a confirmed finding of neglect against you and risking the appointment of a guardian advocate who will investigate placement elsewhere and perhaps petition the court to take away your POA. If you have one.

As for the grocery store, have it delivered as so many other people are doing daily since the pandemic started. If you are also going to the grocery store on Sunday, you are probably a lot further away and for longer periods than you claim.

I'm another one who did leave my loved one alone for brief periods but I do think that the hour I allowed myself was pushing the boundaries and beyond that is too long, and I well remember how even little delays can push the line farther and farther. We were fortunate in that mom had 8 hours per week of home care that allowed me to shop and run errands, her time alone was during her morning nap and I counted on a daily walk/jog for sanity's sake.

Living 3-4 minutes away is different than going to get groceries. In a nursing home setting there isn’t someone sitting at the bedside all day, but that’s different than being alone in a house. There are people close by, not out of the building. Having a camera simply means you have the ability to watch what’s happening, not prevent something happening. You have a good bit more help than other caregivers. Use this this time for errands.

Good grief! Burning to death? Are you serious?? What happens when the bedridden patient weighs more than the caregiver can manage to move, which is usually the case because the person is dead weight??? Is the caregiver expected to die of smoke inhalation trying to get the patient out of the fire???? Where do some of you dream up these scenarios????? And for what purpose??????

Consider this scenario which happens everyday everywhere. A mom pulls into a gas station. Inside her car is a baby sleeping in a car seat. She has one or two toddlers who get out with her to go inside the gas station to use the restroom. She herself needs to use the restroom, too, and also needs to pay for gas and buy some snack. She leaves the baby inside the car alone for during that time or with another kid with the baby. Yes, windows down if on a hot day.

Here's another scene. A exhausted, sleep deprived mother finally gets her baby to sleep. She has to shower, takes the trash out, cooks dinner, does the laundry, then maybe collapses into a comalike sleep. While she's doing all those things and sleeping, she can't and doesn't have time to watch the baby.

Here's another scene. A busy daycare center with two care attendants with about 12 kids. Both are busy with the other 11 kids. An infant in the backroom has been crying for 30 minutes. It'll be another hour or two before an attendant can go back to change and feed the baby.

Those who say they never leave a baby alone either forgot what it was like to take care of a baby and having millions of other things going at once, or they never had children.

You wanted to know if it is okay to leave a bedridden person alone for one to two hours. My answer to you is, it is NOT okay for the person to be left alone at all. Not one hour, not two hours, not 3-4 minutes. Find a safer way to take care of her.

There is a big difference between a baby and a bedridden adult. Thought we all knew this? But again some love the dramatics and go nuclear every chance they get. I think it’s sad the OP has been treated like a horrible person for leaving her mother alone for a hour. Again I say, you all act like you stay chained to the person you are caring for. Like they are never out of your sight.

You should not leave her alone.
Yes you have bed rails, yes the chance that she would try to get up is 1 in a million.
But things happen. Unexpected things happen.
If you need to run to your house do so when the CNA is there from Hospice.
What things do you need to get from the store that can not be obtained when someone else is there? (or you text or call the caregiver to stop at the store or you arrange for delivery)
On Sunday if you have to run out ask a neighbor if they will sit for a bit.
Hospice also has Volunteers that will sit with mom while you run out. You can request one and even schedule one to come weekly so you know they will be there every Thursday from 1 to 3 (Typically a Volunteer will stay no more than 4 hours, usually in those 4 hours no "hands on care" is needed and a Volunteer can not do hands on care) You can then make plans to do some shopping, have your doctor appointment or go get a cup of coffee with a friend when the Volunteer is there.

All that said I would bet that there is not 1 caregiver that has not left someone alone for a brief period of time. And 99.999% of the time nothing happens but if something does happen you would never forgive yourself.

I would most likely heed the warning. She may be more apt to show up on the day that you provide the care-giving, to check up on you.

Your situation probably would fall under the neglect abuse. See that section under this website:

https://www.nursinghomeabusecenter.com/elder-abuse/types/

From that section, it lists "Protection from danger", which is likely what they would consider. It also states that "Unfortunately, the NCEA lists neglect as the most common type of elder abuse." So, the nurse is likely categorizing you under this.

Your state laws may be different than other states, but do you really want to find out? What is it that is so important at your house that you need to leave her alone? A few minutes, maybe. An hour or 2? Probably not a good idea.

As far as groceries or other necessities, arrange to pick those up when you have hired help and/or have the items delivered. Many stores and online outlets have shipping/delivery options. You have to buy your own supplies, why not buy hers at that time and make sure you bring them at least on the day that you cover.

It is tempting to sneak off if she's sleeping or quietly content, but I wouldn't risk it. Plan ahead. Buy ahead. Bring what you need with you for the day. Better safe than sorry. Bring anything YOU need for the duration of the day as well.

Regardless as to whether the nurse ever returns or "turns you in", IF something happened, how would that impact you? I'd carry a lot of guilt around myself.

For those saying the person is old, dying, bedridden, what's the big deal if they check out early??? WTF??? Okay, so let's go back to the "old" days, where the dying person would be left out in the woods or on the mountain, to pass on. Surrre. Do I want my mother clinging to every scrap of life, once she progresses future? No, but neither am I going to leave her unattended. She's not bedridden yet, but she is now fully dependent on the staff getting her up, cleaned, dressed, etc. I don't even like leaving my 21.5+ yo cat home alone - unfortunately I have no one to "cover" for me when I need to get supplies, deliver supplies for mom and pay the "rent" for her, but it really isn't the same. I just don't go off for long periods of time at this point. I was already "home-bound" due to a financial crunch, and just when that was resolving, along comes this stupid virus.

(I do agree that if there's a fire, we might be very hard pressed to be able to move a dead-weight adult out to save them. Even with cameras, you might not notice the fire starting and it may be too late to get back in or get to your mother's room. In a fire every minute counts. You contact FD, then try to block off the room to keep fire and smoke out until they can rescue you. I do NOT agree with some situations, like leaving a child in a car. Yes, I had kids. Two. I NEVER left either in the car for ANY reason. If baby was sleeping, and I had to leave the car, I took the seat with baby in it with me. Toddlers too. If I can't carry them or wake them, do without. I can also attest to being in a hospital situation - check every 15 minutes someone said? HAHAHAHA. I was not immobile, but I had ZERO supplies. I asked a nurse for assistance in cleaning up after an accident. HOURS later she returned, empty handed! From that point on, I harangued everyone about going home and getting home care. Took almost a month, but someone got sick of me!)

Imagine your mother having an emergency - heart attack, stroke, fire - and not being able to get help. That is why the nurse is trying to warn you to never leave your mother unattended. If she were a baby or young child, you wouldn't leave her unattended. Pretty much the same issue - dependent person with inability to get help when needed.

Yes, anything could happen when left alone, a fire, etc. What if something were to happen to OP, the caregiver, when she was out? How would anyone know there was someone bedridden at home?

You can’t leave a bedridden person alone. Anything can happen within a few minutes. Ask yourself if it would be worth it for you to run home for a couple of hours or other errands. Can mom pay a sitter on Sunday for you to take a break?

The nurse isn’t being unreasonable or hateful. She is being realistic and it was nice of her to give you a warning. Remind the nurse that you love your mom and doing all that you can for your mom and that you will choose other times to shop or hire a sitter to go home for a break.

She could have just reported you without a warning. I would have thanked her for the warning and for caring about your mom’s wellbeing and reassured her that it wouldn’t happen again.

Leaving your mom alone may cause your mom anxiety as well. She needs someone to be there for her. There could be an emergency come up and she would be frightened being alone, more importantly she could be in a dangerous situation without any help. She is in need of care or she wouldn’t have been approved for hospice care.

Best wishes to you in managing your mom’s care. It’s so hard. I’m sorry. It’s difficult watching a parent decline.

Is there an end of life hospice facility with this organization? My brother went to a facility ran by hospice near his death. He received wonderful care from nurses.

If they don’t have an end of life facility, you could see if another hospice organization has one and possibly switch over.