I dont know this forum ever deals with issues in the aftermath of the family members passing
People will know I had a hard timewith a very demanding and unappreciative mom . She passed in February and despite everything one deals with teh grief of loss. Now I dont have the and stress to deal with but feel such a huge hole in that she was my only purpose, and STILL feel anger and resentment for how she treated me and even moreso how I put up with it
For me with my mom, I had frustration bordering on anger and resentment that she knew what health issues were likely based on family history and what she’d already experienced, yet she did nothing preventative and was seemingly content to sit and wait on the big event. Now I know there was depression at work. Perhaps some undiagnosed mental illness with yours? Nothing excuses or takes away the pain of wishing it could have been better. I also still reckon with knowing I could have handled some things better too. I’ve learned it’s more important to count it as a life lesson and know not to repeat it. The Boundaries book has helped with that, it’s not just about refusing things but also about allowing healthy habits into your life. You’re correct, the aftermath is huge and doesn’t get discussed enough. GriefShare may be helpful, worth giving it a try. Healing takes time and often the experiences of others help us on the way. Wishing you much healing and peace
See if you can get some grief counseling, local hospice organizations often have groups or even individual for free.
The best advice I can give you is to let go of all your expectations and give yourself Grace. It took me almost 8 months to get over the stress of caregiving and anger and some of the things that happened in the last couple years because of illness.
It took me close to a year to finally be calm enough to start remembering and appreciating some of the fun times, good memories, etc.
There are no shoulds, let yourself experience the day as it unfolds, easier Said than done.
Best to you.