I'm a single, full time student, work full time and also have temp custody of my grandbaby. The doctor sent my dad home on hospice 6 months ago with only 2 weeks to live. Here we are. I'm his only child, his only family period. I never want to leave him. I don't want him to die alone. I need to let either work or school go. I'm 96 percent done w/ a degree in Forensic Science. I have to pay the bills, but being with my dad in his final days is more important right now.
I don’t think your father would want you to let school go , especially when you are so close to finishing .
Is it possible to have Dad go into a nice hospice facility where there are more people around ? You could visit everyday as his daughter , and you would not feel like he is alone?
Perhaps you could call your local dept of aging for help finding a suitable facility . Hospice may also have a support group for you as well or you could seek out one on your own even if it’s online .
It’s also OK to WANT to be with him every minute, even while knowing that you must not allow yourself to be spread so thin that you aren’t able to meet any of your own needs.
Have you spoken to your college professors about alternate class assignments, or any recommendations that they can make?
Does your employer have a clear picture of what your dealing with?
Do you have any access to alternative child care for your grandchild?
Is your father lucid enough to benefit from your presence for extended time, or is he comfortable with other company for brief periods so that you can keep some aspects of your own life going?
What you are doing now, is based on pure love, but unless you make an effort to extend that love to yourself, you risk losing yourself.
Please do research residential alternatives to caring for him in your home. Start with online searches. Just to find out.
I had planned to be available to my LO if she needed me at the moment of her passing, but a significant outbreak of COVID prevented me from being there.
Sometimes life just works that way. If you can let up a little bit on your expectations for yourself.
Being with your dad “in his final days “ IS IMPORTANT, but the expectation of your presence being more important than anything else may be a superhuman and therefore UNFAIR DEMAND on you.
I pray. I’m including you and your grandchild and your father as part of my daily prayer “work”.
Let others help you, no matter how little they can do. EVERYONE can become “family” in your kind of situation. Share your situation and ask.
And to take on the responsibility of a grandbaby on top of what you are doing is amazing.
I am sure you dad would not want you to give up now on your goal. I say give up because if you stopped school now you would come up with other reasons (not going to say excuses) to not finish.
Talk to your Hospice Social Worker. See if they can find a facility that they work with to place him. He will have not just 24/7 staff to be with him but the Hospice Team will be there as well.
You don't want dad to die alone. Totally understandable.
One of the goals of Hospice is to make sure that no one dies alone. There are Hospice Vigil Volunteers that will come and sit with dad if you can not be there, and even if you are there they will be with both of you to support both of you.
And in many cases if you can do your class work on line you can work right from his room. Skilled Nursing facilities, Memory Care and Hospice In Patient Units do not have "visiting hours" so you can be there whenever you want.
I am sure if you asked dad his wishes would be that you fulfill your goals, finish school.