My DH is a brilliant man who has always been a bit eccentric. He has had 3 heart ablations, one every 10 years as symptoms of chronic Afib/flutter return worse then before. He was found to have an thoracic ascending aneurysm the last ablation.
He takes very good care of himself and is aware of cooperating with increased limitations as this progresses. He was an adrenaline seeker, type A personality, and learning how to become more zen with his approach to life.
My concern is that his eccentric behavior seems to becoming more odd. He has always been socially odd in conversational ways especially when uncomfortable, but this is becoming worse and more strange. He has wonderful friends but I see them question him with impatience recently. He goes in and out of seeming disconnected, forgetting whole TV programs we have seen or asking questions that are telling me he does not understand what is happening between interactions. He can not follow conversations often enough to notice. He drives getting confused with exactly where to go, taking long, convoluted routes to familiar places, but denies this. He still does some business but is telling me it is " A new world out there". He argues with people on the phone when he needs to answer questions he used to be able to do off the top of his head....and so forth in this vein. I feel he is aware of these things and covering. Other times he seems so sharp, I think perhaps it is my imagination or that I am just becoming more aware of his behavior and can recall some of these odd things through out our years together. But then he says or does something that is so left field, I am certain there is something happening.
I am aware of certain dementia's that happen from having Afib/flutters and the ablations. I wonder how to get a diagnosis for him without making him feel inadequate in some way. He is very proud and is determined to heal himself. He's very good at this, actually, but sometimes I see this progression towards something odd increasing. He seems to be unable to deal with less and becomes easily overwhelmed. Seems clueless to the affect he has on people, can not read them and seems confused.
I'm not sure if I should even have it looked into since it seems they have no information on how to heal this aside from self care. And he is far from being incapacitated.
This is for my own understanding and patience at this point. I am a planner and a need to know person. He is not.
He is not on any drugs at this point, although he had been for years on Flecainide, and recently on Pradaxa for the pre/post op .
I could just use some advice and information about how to approach this delicate situation with him.
He will need to be examined for his heart every year. His heart Dr , who is a friend, says not to look for trouble until you need to ( referring to physical chart info). I am not sure if this is the best way to go concerning my questions about preparing one for what may or may not happen. One minute I feel I worry for nothing and then I feel panic about not being prepared enough for something that may get worse.
He is 68 years old.
Thank you for having this forum.
My husband suffers from Afib as well, and I do notice that he has episodes of confusion over what’s happening, especially regarding television shows. But, he is bedridden and watches television 24/7. I suspect all those shows and movies do run together after a while.
It seems that your husband is highly proactive about taking care of himself. He may not be admitting things to you, but on some level, he is admitting them to himself. Male pride interfere with him being honest, however. He’s scared and possibly a bit angry at what Life has done to him. Confronting him about tests and evaluations won’t work. Don’t say “we have to have you go through a battery of tests to see if you have dementia.” I would confidentially speak with his doctor and tell him what you’ve been seeing. He may accept advice from the doctor more readily than from his wife. Good luck. Come back often and let us know how it’s going.
I felt that if I contacted his Drs. about my concern, it would be as if I were going behind his back. But I see this may be the best way to handle this. You are correct, Ahmijoy, that confronting him with tests and need to find out about cognitive issues will not work and cause stress for him.
Thank you
I appreciate your advice and have thought about your comments concerning my reluctance to approach his Dr myself.
My DH has an appointment in August to see how his heart and other issues are going. I will be talking to his Dr about my observations. I have been taking notes on what seems to be increasing over a short time and realize this is a must do.
I am trying to figure out something I can not do on my own .
Thank you for your insight.
You need to make sure you and your husband have all your documents in order. POA (health and financial), Wills etc. Keep in mind that he cannot act as your POA nor the Executor of your Will. If he has been assigned these roles, you need to update your documents right away. Hopefully this will help you to feel a bit more prepared and give you something to do right now.
If you do not know all the family's account details, banking, investments, pensions etc, find it now. If your hubby has access to online banking be aware that it can become a nightmare, if he starts to forget passwords, reset them, forget again. There are numerous posts here regarding that.
Unfortunately being brilliant does not protect against dementia.
How do you get his tested? Do you have a GP/Family Doctor? If yes, send a letter outlining your concerns. Ask if it is possible for that doctor to do the simple memory test at his next appointment, then have the clinic call him in for a physical.
Now to the driving, if he is getting lost on the way to a familiar place, he should not be driving any more.
If the artery is ruled out, your DH needs to see a neurologist. Dementia is neurological problem. A neurologist will be able to run tests to see what type of Dementia he has. This is important because one medication is good for one type of Dementia and not for another. He may be able to give DH something to help with his cognitive ability.
If your husband is still working in any way, its time he retired. He also should not be driving.
I am currently getting all the paper work done to update our Trust, POA info and so forth.
Did not even think of the password change check needed to for bank statements etc, as we have both the paper and online. Will do.
His work is not moving forward as his own choice right now. He said he was just too tired to deal with it anymore.
We encourage him to start to enjoy nature, gardening plants, my son being the best inspiration for him as an avid hiker/photographer. I am happy sharing this part with him, watching him discover these new enjoyments, this new side of himself.
He has lived in a computer since they came out and in a very stressful work pace. So he seems very content to explore this new life he is building for himself to take care of his health.
I really appreciate the info about his cardiologist/friend. I actually thought heart doctors would be more aware of these signs.
I will contact his PCP with this information.
I so appreciate this. It is so generous to share your stories and information in what has been learned in this process on every level.
What seemed to come and go is showing itself more often. I also see that he is becoming more aware of something changing himself and sharing more. Telling me he is coming to terms with things that are difficult to accept. He calls it getting older. So be it.
Thank you All so much.
And please be safe out there!