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I'm usually at home with my mom, but have had to go out every day since starting radiation treatment last week. My mom has Alzheimer's and vascular dementia; the last two days she seems fixated on going out, 'back' home. This afternoon and until late evening she's wanting to 1, go and lock the car, and 2, get her bag out of the car.
Someone's with her for however long I'm gone, usually not more than 1.5 hours. I wonder if the increased traffic is prompting her to go out.
Treatment is 5 days a week; I'm wondering if I should stretch it a little further. The oncologist said missing a day or two wouldn't diminish the effectiveness of the treatment. The irony being that I'd asked for an accelerated course so I'd get done sooner.

First, please don't do anything that would interfere with the proper time course for your chemotherapy treatment - you are most important here! The increased activity may contribute to your Mom's confusion, just because her routine is different. She will be ok until your chemo is over. I hope you have help with her during your treatment - hoping for your speedy recovery!
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Reply to Lylii1
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Do not change your course of treatment in an attempt to make things easier on your mother. Changing a day or two is not going to make a real difference in her life and her perception of what's going on around her.

Consistency in routine, however, will make it easier for her to adapt. So, having someone (hopefully the same person) stay with her at the same time each day, and doing the same things will help to minimize mom's anxiety or confusion.

You are probably correct that she sees you leaving and returning, so she is now fixated on leaving and returning. You can try and re-direct her attention to something else which is interesting to her. You can minimize talking about going out and when you'll be back. You might be over-explaining to her, causing her to develop an intense interest in this.
And, it's not hurting her or anyone to let her engage in this repetitive behavior. Give it some time and it will pass. She will move on to some other odd repetitive compulsion.
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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ravensdottir Jan 22, 2026
A lot of the time I don't tell her I'm going out because I don't want her getting any ideas. I have five of her favorite spiritual daughters on rotation; since she doesn't do mornings, I'm hoping she'll sleep through the short time I'm gone like she did this morning.
Onward we go...
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Any change in routine can affect an elder with dementia. Your mom is safe and cared for at home while you're out, I'd leave the schedule intact and get it done sooner rather than later, if this were me. Perhaps give mom a small dose of a calming med before you leave. My mother calmed down a LOT with a little Ativan.

Best of luck to you with your treatment.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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ravensdottir Jan 22, 2026
Yeah, I re-thought that; this morning she slept through the hour that I was out.
Thanks, things are going well.
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I visit my mom, who has dementia and lives in an assisted-living facility, once per week. My sister visits her every day. During recent visits, it seems that mom has been more likely than she was in the past to say something about leaving or going home and I've wondered whether this is because my coming and going rattle her brain or dredge up vague memories of being somewhere else.
I plan to keep visiting once per week. It just makes me feel kind of bad that I might be rocking the boat (of mom's brain).
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Reply to Rosered6
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ravensdottir Jan 22, 2026
It's hard to say but, you'll feel better if you continue going. The best we can hope for is that their attention gets directed elsewhere.
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