My dad has been married to my step mom for 30 years, she's 93 and he's 92. He's still sharp as a tack and she has been showing gradual signs of dementia for last 2 years but no formal diagnosis as far as I know. Fast forward last 6 months her last physical showed heart issues but not bad enough for surgical intervention. A few days ago we think she had a heart attack and heart is at 35% function. Today she was sent to rehab with Hospice to start immediately ( Dr thinks 3-4 wks). Problem is a daughter (in from out of state) and granddaughter (local) are meeting with drs, nurses and coordinating the rehab without my dad's knowledge. Yesterday, my Dad brought in POA and thought he clarified everything but this morning another child (out of town) showed up and my dad walked in at 8am and they were all mtg with the staff? What are his options? Isn't this violating HIPAA? The facility already had the POA (which was done in 2003) and ONLY has his name. I'm out of town and not sure if I should fly there cuz I feel like he's being bullied by her kids. Sorry for long post.
Dad needs to let the facility know he is in charge of decisions and let her family know, in a nice way, the same. This is a difficult situation that dad needs to treat delicately. He, however, is the person who knows his wife's wishes and will be sure to keep to them.
I'm sorry you're all going thru this. Good luck and Godspeed.
If you Step Mom never informed her family, or submitted the forms to her medical team, then they operate as if no PoA exists.
By the way, the PoA needs to submit the document at every single doctor's office or clinic, ie her primary, her cardiologist, etc.
At your Dad's age, your Step Mom should be encouraged to assign a back-up PoA while she is still able.
If her children arrive and she says yes, doctors, this is my family and they are welcome to hear what you say and help form my care plans, then it's her choice.
So the key is to comply with whatever threshold the POA document sets for activation.
If that has already been reached, then your father can talk to the the head of the facility and emphasize that only he is entitled to receive information and act on it. Is that something he's capable of doing right now? You could try calling the head of the facility on his behalf. Be polite and kind, as you want this person to be your ally. Just explain that this has been challenging for your father and you'd like to know what the situation is and how you can help him be most effective in helping his wife through this.