My mother in law had a brief hospital stay which made me staying with my father in law necessary. Being there for a month 24/7 noticed he was sleeping most of the day, sitting in soiled diapers, not checking his sugars (both in laws are diabetic) and mobility was greatly impaired even with the walker. Once she came home I saw their normal routine, wake (between 10 & 11 am), eat, sleep, not talk to each other watch old TV shows go to bed at 1 am and repeat. He was physically unstable, was not taking his medication correctly, and developed sores on his backside. We had him professionally evaluated by the staff of the personal care department in their retirement village. It was determined that he should be in Skilled nursing. We moved him in mid April. We have been told he is high functioning for skilled care but very low functioning for personal care which is a step down with less hands on care. We have all seen a huge improvement in his quality of life but when it is just my mother in law visiting he keeps asking how much longer he will be there. She is not well with health problems that still need to be evaluated so he will never go back to living with her. She goes to sit with him every day for anywhere from 3 hours just sitting not talking, occasionally sitting on the porch not talking, or occasionally playing cards in silence except to tell the score or do you want to continue playing, to 6 hours when she stays for dinner. She complains how bad she hurts after being there sitting in uncomfortable chairs. I keep trying to get her to spend less time there but she feels guilty that he is there but doesn't want him to be home. My husband and brother in law both also feel guilty for making him go to skilled nursing. Does anyone have any advice to help them not feel guilty for doing what was necessary? I know he is where it is best for him but his wife and two sons keep asking what if. What if we had hired someone to come into the home to help out, what if we would have just let thing as they were. I always point out that if he had been left at home he could have died the night his sugars dropped to 31 had I not rushed him to the hospital. If at home and fell my mother in law is not able to get him up, too many bad things could and have happened while he was in the home. In Skilled nursing he has people to talk to and attend to his medical issues he is more alert and is eating well. How do I help them see that skilled nursing is the right place for my father in law?
Thank you
Good luck and let us know how it works out.
Not to mention everyone's relief of one less stressor.
If they have a decent activities program maybe they could attend these together. Do they have sing-alongs? These are often so enjoyable that even those who don't otherwise socialize much will become part of the group singing. Best of luck, and the family is lucky to have you.
Before, he was living with his wife in a retirement community but he was not receiving assistance with personal care, and that's why he got into the state he was in. He is, thanks to the SNF's care, much improved. Could that improvement now be maintained with personal care at home?
If you want to set your family members' minds at rest, I'd suggest having a follow-up conference with the retirement community's personal care team to see what they think. If they can come up with an affordable, practical plan to provide adequate support, it can be considered. It doesn't commit anyone to anything.
And get your MIL a cushion.