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im his POA the Hospice says his health is declining fast, he fell After his wife left him on the bedside toilet my dad is 83 he gave me POA & told me to get him out of the home if he could no longer take care of himself he was able to make his own decision when he was released from hospital back home within 2 weeks everything including his attitude was great until his wife excluded his grown children 9 of them in his daily & nightly care my dad will not make it there without his medicine & food he is also diabetic should I pull him out or let him go without the 24-7 care I know he needs, I hate to move him if his time is short anyway. How do I know the end of his time is near. He still watches sports & eats very little. I need some advice please thanks so much. I want to help my dad as much as possible I really feel like pulling him out his wife home. All his children know she has always been mean & selfish.

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Nine kids and you have POA. One would think the kids could work together on this. You should be able to overrule the wife. Circle the wagons and get it done. Stand up,to this woman.
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Thanks for the advice Katiekate & Windyridge. I'm the Power of Attorney & he told me to get him out of that house when he was no longer able to take of himself. She refuses any help we offer, I don't understand why she know he has always had a close relationship with all his kids & family she acts like a person who is rushing for my dad to leave this earth she is shaky & nervous when we visit she is 82 & her son lives there & he is 55 years old he has raised 2-3 families with the help of my dad. They should be ashamed. I am only concerned about my dad final care to be the best as possible I have always been a daddy's girl, I feel like my dad is looking for me to fight for his well being. She refuses every suggestion we offer.
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Contact the local office of Adult Protective Service right away. Report what is happening.

Your Dad will have to back you up. Meaning, when they come..he will have to ask them for help to get out of that house! If he doesn't do that...there is nothing you can do. Make sure he understands...this is the only way out for him. You are not his health care proxy, and have to authority over his well being.

Do not leave him in this environment..it is abusive
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If he is in Hospice that means he has been deemed terminal and by definition his time is short. While the others have seen abuse I am not so sure, how old is his wife and how long have they been married? How good has the relationship been between her and your dad's children before now?
You mention him falling off the commode because she left him there alone implying negligence, but she may have just stepped away for moments to get supplies or attend to something, or he may have formerly been fine alone while he did his business and didn't need constant attention.
If there has been any failure of you all to welcome step mom into your lives I can understand her reluctance to having you all in her home 24/7, taking over care of her husband and perhaps over riding her authority, could there be a little of that happening?
And while your father telling you to get him out of that house if his care needs increased fuels you belief that he doesn't trust his wife, it could also have meant he wanted to spare her from the burden of caring for him.
Unless your father is begging to leave I think you need to step back a little. You need to be willing work with step mom as the primary caregiver and you all as support staff. You need to work with Hospice to see and understand what your father's needs are and how they can be best met. And you need to find a way to reduce the burden on your step mom, perhaps by hiring overnight helper if the family can not get along amicably. That's the way I see it anyway.
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Get him out now, to a safe place. Even if he's in a terminal state, he'll be more comfortable in hospice where he can see his children.
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I'm sorry, it seems I am the only one who keeps trying to throw some cold water on your plans but I still have some concerns. Taking the legal option is unlikely to be either quick, or cheap. First, do you have a facility in place that can/will accept him, and do you have the funds available to pay for it? And are you and your sibs willing to take the step of showing up at your father's home with an ambulance and the sheriff to forcibly remove him against the protestations of his spouse and possibly himself? Can you find no one to mediate a different option?
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RPerkins, being that you do have POA (hopefully medical), I recommend that you speak with the Hospice Coordinator/Nurse, as you have every right to, and voice your concerns. The fact that he has Hospice, still does not give your Step-Mom a lot of help in caring for your Dad, and she may be overwhelmed! You can ask that he be taken inpatient to the Hospice Hospital, for short term, ie: Respite time for Step-Mom, and then you could do a play-it-by ear, and see if he does better there, and she may appreciate it too! Other than that, you could have a family round table discussion, with or without your Step-Mom, and even the Step-siblings, to see where help can ve provided at home on a more consistent basis. With that many kids, it shouldn't be too hard to give her a lot of much needed back up,bto make his end of days more pleasant, and they should be at least that, as pleasant as possible!

Deco rate their home for the holidays, make ahead meals, anything to ease up some of the burden it is to take care of a Hospice patient near the end of his life, especially during the holidays! He should be able to see All his kids put their differences aside, and pull together for the greater good! No, it's not easy, but nothing in life worthwhile ever is!

I realize that there are hurt feelings on both sides, you made mention of that in the suggestion of "Them" reaping the benifits of his life insurance once he's past, but remember, this is their marriage, and she will proneed every penny oncehe is gone, to live out the remainder of her days, without him.

I definitely would not do anything that would cause a wedge bewteen them now, as obviously he did tell you he didn't think she could manage him on her own, but sometimes people are reluctant to ask for the things they need in these types of situations, as it paints them in a light that they just aren't what they used to be, or what they used to be able to manage. The holidays are a very difficult time at best, and to have your husband dying is probably the hardest thing she will ever face, so try not to separate the family, try to unite them, for your Dad's sake. He will truly Love and appreciate you for it!
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I don't want to start a debate, I know you are feeling stress and the trauma of you father's declining health.You say you have gotten along with her for 15 years, but the way you write about her and her children makes me question that. The bottom line is, What Does Dad Want Today? You have not mentioned that he has dementia so the choice is ultimately his.
And be aware that often all meds are stopped once someone enters Hospice.
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Thanks GardenArtist, the problem is not the children seeing him the problem is his POA not being able to make any decision when it comes to my dads healthcare or final decisions his wife has taken over & constantly making his decisions for him. Anytime the POA decides something they do what they want to do anyway. I think I need a lawyer what good is power of attorney with no power or say so for my dads well being & comfortable transition. My best outlet is My Lawyer ASAP thanks good luck
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When one has a diagnosis that requires hospice, then there is nothing you can do but pray and be the loved one as long as they have remaining. The more all of you antagonize the step-mother, she will refuse you access to their house. You get more with honey, than vinegar.
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