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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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The justice system doesn’t force adults to provide caregiving for others. That’s a choice each person makes, just as you’re making. You can get help by having your parents hire help or move to where more help is available. I hope you’ll won’t ruin your sibling relationships over this and will accept their choices.
No, you can't force your siblings to help with your parents and neither can the justice system. How your siblings spend their time is their choice. They are not required to follow your schedule for them. How you spend your time is your choice. You are not required to do any more than you want, or any more than you are able, for your parents. Your parents can pay people to help them, or they can move to a facility with the correct level of care for their needs. If this is not affordable for them, or they refuse to get help other than from you, you can look into turning over their care to Adult Protective Services or signing them up for Medicaid, if they qualify.
We're all responsible to plan for our own old age! How shocking! How strange! WE CANNOT DEPEND ON THE NEXT GENERATION TO PROVIDE FOR US! THEY ARE NOT THE PLAN!
Except that parents like yours think you must become a care slave and have no life of your own. It's up to you to reclaim your freedom any way you can. You matter too.
Start out by figuring out your own plan. Then execute it. Then make sure you keep your reasonable boundaries.
I wish I'd been more reluctant to serve both of my parents. I have learned a lot since then! I wish you luck in doing what you have to do to remain you.
The first step to find/implement help is for you to accept that help/solutions won't be perfect and won't make everyone happy. The person you need to protect is you.
Solutions: - you tell your parents they must pay for hired in-home aids. Whether or not you manage this (because it will require management) is up to you. - you contact social service for their county to get an in-home assessment to see if they qualify for any help, which is usually light housekeeping, laundry, hygiene, light food prep. Counties can have other services, like for food or transportation to medical appointments. This is very limited help and they need to qualify. - you walk away and report them to APS. APS may eventually refer the to the courts for an assigned legal guardian who will then take over all the financial and medical management. But you have to stay completely away otherwise APS won't see the true nature of their situation, and will delay a permanent solution.
Your siblings have identified their boundaries and are defending them. You have not and look where it's gotten you: burning out. If you burn out, you won't be able to help your parents anyway, therefore you must make taking care of yourself the priority.
More information about your age, whether you have a paying job, and the condition/ages of your parents would be helpful. Do you live with them or them with you? How long has this been going on?
Your siblings have made the wise choice to only come when it's convenient for them, and it sounds like now you're upset because you didn't make the same wise choice. It's not too late for you to get wise and step away, and only help when you can and it's convenient. Your parents may have to now move into the appropriate facility where they will receive the care they now require and where you and your siblings can get back to just being their children and not their burned out and resentful caregivers. And if money is an issue they'll have to apply for Medicaid. And why would you think it's the justice systems job to force people to take care of people they don't want to? That's a bit crazy don't you think? Would you want someone forcing you to do something that you didn't want to do and wasn't cut out to do? I'm just curious.
Your siblings are free to make the choices that are best for them just as you were. Now you are discovering this was not your best choice and you want others to suffer along with you? No you don't get to decide that. Sorry for being so blunt but I get so angry when I see posts about someone feeling entitled to make decisions for others. And this is coming from an only child.
Decide what you can and are willing to do and do only that. There is nothing wrong with telling your parents you can do only so much and they will have to hire out to pick up the slack.
It would be nice if we knew your age and the age of your parents. Why are you caring for them?
Because of the first response to your question about "we don't speak Portuguese" are you from the US? If not, our health system is much different than other countries.
The original question was in Portuguese (according to google) so I looked up how to let OP know probably none of us could answer. No idea if OP lives there or not.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Except that parents like yours think you must become a care slave and have no life of your own. It's up to you to reclaim your freedom any way you can. You matter too.
Start out by figuring out your own plan. Then execute it. Then make sure you keep your reasonable boundaries.
I wish I'd been more reluctant to serve both of my parents. I have learned a lot since then! I wish you luck in doing what you have to do to remain you.
Solutions:
- you tell your parents they must pay for hired in-home aids. Whether or not you manage this (because it will require management) is up to you.
- you contact social service for their county to get an in-home assessment to see if they qualify for any help, which is usually light housekeeping, laundry, hygiene, light food prep. Counties can have other services, like for food or transportation to medical appointments. This is very limited help and they need to qualify.
- you walk away and report them to APS. APS may eventually refer the to the courts for an assigned legal guardian who will then take over all the financial and medical management. But you have to stay completely away otherwise APS won't see the true nature of their situation, and will delay a permanent solution.
Your siblings have identified their boundaries and are defending them. You have not and look where it's gotten you: burning out. If you burn out, you won't be able to help your parents anyway, therefore you must make taking care of yourself the priority.
More information about your age, whether you have a paying job, and the condition/ages of your parents would be helpful. Do you live with them or them with you? How long has this been going on?
Decide what you can and are willing to do and do only that. There is nothing wrong with telling your parents you can do only so much and they will have to hire out to pick up the slack.
Because of the first response to your question about "we don't speak Portuguese" are you from the US? If not, our health system is much different than other countries.