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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I really sympathize with your situation. In my home growing up, both of my parents had long-term mental illness (untreated). Now that dementia and TIAs are at play, we children (all in our 40s/50s) are experiencing verbal abuse even worse than what we lived through as kids. While I don't want to "run from the Cross", I long ago learned that listening to, and believing, the abusive comments are an energy drain that detract from my own life - so serious limits must be set on the abuser. You really must develop an ability to walk calmly away, and it's something you have to learn to do - it won't happen overnight, and you will feel rotten while it is happening at first. Later it will be a relief. Even if your dad never gets the message because of his illness, you will at least remove yourself from the situation before it does you more damage.
This is going to be a huge test for you. If he doesn't respect you now, chances are he never will. If he does come to respect you, it may be waaaaay down the road. Senoir living facilities are full of folks that won't show love or respect to their families. They may be lonely but it's of their own doing. Guard yourself.
I live with my father who is quick to speak, judge, interrogate, intimidate, insult, swear every word in the curse book, hyper critical of me. HE does nothing but mock or try to irritate me every chance. He has always been this way since I was young. HE has waxed worse with age. He views himself high above everyone, and I do mean everyone. Especially me though for the record. He twice tried to strangle me, I helped him with his illness no he does not suffer mental problems, he is just plain mean. What do I do? I am stuck for a place to live sadly this is it. Others professional and otherwise agree with me on his behavior. It is beyond plain cruel and selfish behavior. He thinks he is all that counts.
This is called being bullied. Elderly are like children. I have a book I like to look over from time to time. (How To Handle Bullies, Teasers and other Meanies) by Kate Cohen-Posey. Simple, easy and good to review.
Is there anyone who is helping you? Bottom line is that we caregivers also must learn to care for ourselves. Protecting yourself as suggested above is important. Writing to us to know you are not alone helps a little, but how you feel is determined by how you set your mind. Good luck!@
We have problems walking away from verbally abusive parents not so much because we have a heart, but more often because we have not become our own separate person who no longer falls back into being an emotional child when they push those buttons. A friend of mine has had to do this with her mother who raised her as a single parent because her mother's untreated mental illness was destructive of her, her marriage and her children. I've had to do a similar thing to protect myself, my children from my wife until she started to see the need for her own boundaries concerning her 'mommy dearest' BPB mom.
I know just how you feel going through same with my father who as a child led my mum a life of hell. BUT what do we as their children now they elderly and frail. He still treats me like a child (in my 50s) barks his orders, i do bark back..Just moved him to be closer to me after his stroke.Its been so close to me walking never to return ONE PROBLEM WE AS THEIR CHILDREN HAVE A HEART. I am x senior health carer for the elderly and was trained to walk away from abusive situations but different when its your own, we do also have a personality clash because i remember the life he led my mother who i adored (now passed) god bless her!!! I know i cant answer your question but just to say hey!! you are not alone GOOD LUCK!!
Most of the problems with elderly parents (and their abuse) is really either a medical condition or a mental condition that is left unchecked. My family didn't believe the our (formerly) sweet loving mother could "be so MEAN and abusive". Well what they didn't realize is that she was suffering from Alzheimers' all along. I tried for YEARS to convince them that her 'condition' was not due to a mean streak, but due to her Alzheimer's!!!
Get a doctor involved. If your father doesn't want to "go to the doctors" have the doctor come to him! Yes... there are still doctors that will make home visits! Sometimes all you have to do is ask. AND, you don't have to warn your father about the visit. Just make sure Dad is there for the visit!
If your father was a veteran, get the VA involved in getting him the proper medical help that it seems he needs!
Abusive or not, we would be 'no better' if we did nothing to help them. After all, 'we' are all they have when it comes to understanding! I say this out of love and respect for all humans, not to upset anyone. But please try to help or get a group involved that is used to dealing with aging parents.
Someone elsewhere suggested calling the county and asking them to evaluate the senior. That may be a two-edged sword legally depending on if he is currently living in a mess of his own making. Be careful.
Try the Agency on aging in your area. They can give you info and help if you are out of your element. Medicare.gov also has some good info. You can google anything that comes to mind and get knowledge. The better you educate yourself the easier it will be.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If he doesn't respect you now, chances are he never will.
If he does come to respect you, it may be waaaaay down the road.
Senoir living facilities are full of folks that won't show love or respect to their families. They may be lonely but it's of their own doing.
Guard yourself.
Bottom line is that we caregivers also must learn to care for ourselves.
Protecting yourself as suggested above is important. Writing to us to know you are not alone helps a little, but how you feel is determined by how you set your mind. Good luck!@
Come back later when things are more calm.
wf
Get a doctor involved. If your father doesn't want to "go to the doctors" have the doctor come to him! Yes... there are still doctors that will make home visits! Sometimes all you have to do is ask. AND, you don't have to warn your father about the visit. Just make sure Dad is there for the visit!
If your father was a veteran, get the VA involved in getting him the proper medical help that it seems he needs!
Abusive or not, we would be 'no better' if we did nothing to help them. After all, 'we' are all they have when it comes to understanding! I say this out of love and respect for all humans, not to upset anyone. But please try to help or get a group involved that is used to dealing with aging parents.
Try the Agency on aging in your area. They can give you info and help if you are out of your element. Medicare.gov also has some good info.
You can google anything that comes to mind and get knowledge.
The better you educate yourself the easier it will be.
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