Protect yet respect. She has had a few fender benders recently; eye site is declining. She overwhelmed by basic daily tasks (feed/walk dog, take meds, heat up food, pay bills, laundry, organize clutter) so much so she cannot enjoy, take time for socialization and hobbies.
This lady needs help now and she needs to quit driving now. If you can intervene with some sort of principles and respect that's great, but intervene. She may not like it but she won't be dead in a wreck or kill someone else. Sorry to be so snarky but look at your post. It's alarming.
So Judy what is it that you're wrestling with?
A recalcitrant elder?
Other family members telling you not to interfere?
Your own reservations about stepping in and getting too closely involved in your mother's life?
One thing I had to learn that back when my parents were first in their decline but had a clear mind, that any decisions they made they had to take full responsibility of whatever happened with those decisions. Such has deciding to stay in a house with a lot of stairs, so if they regularly would be tumbling down the stairs, that was the side effect of their decision as terrifying as it was.
And I had to learn not to keep enabling my parents to keep living there by dropping what I was doing to help them. Yes, I would run if it was a 911 situation, but I would dig in my heels whenever my Dad wanted me to haul over some mulch for the yard... "Dad, call Home Depot, they will delivery", but he didn't want to pay the delivery charges. Or if they wanted to go shopping... "maybe next week as I have a full week right now".
If it's hurting someone else, we have to prevent it from happening. "I'm sorry mom, the doctor says that your reflexes are fast enough right now to drive; we're going to get you some Occuptional Therapy and maybe in 6months they'll be better. meanwhile, I have the keys safe"
If it's hurting mom (brushing her teeth with hand lotion (for my mom, it was deodorant), then you have to make sure she's someplace safe where there is enough supervision, prevention, that she doesn't get hurt.
If your parent made you their POA, I suspect it's because she trusted you and that she knew that when the time came, you would respect and love her enough to protect her from herself.
Being subtle, often doesn't work. Often being direct, firm and polite is the better approach, because just hinting and begging, won't cut it. I try to explain and show reason, behind my suggestions, but they don't have to like it. I know that I annoy my parents with certain things, but that's okay. I don't mind being the bad guy if its saves lives. I realize that keeping them safe as they age may become more difficult. They don't have dementia yet, but can still use some poor judgment.
I will remain respectful, but I will protect them. I have no guilt about that.
We always tell Mother "You CAN do what you want, but you cannot choose the outcome". This makes her mad, but it's true.
Please get your mom off the road---now! And I bet she would LOVE an ALF where all she has to do is get dressed and join in whatever activities she wants! I am afraid my mom is going to be too frail by the time we get her in an ALF to do anything but lie in bed and complain.
Most drs can help her to see the decision for assisted living to be a good one for her. My mother thinks Drs are right there next to God and whatever they say, goes.
Until then, is is possible to hire some part-time help? Someone (NOT you) who can come in for a few hours in the middle of the day to clean, take out the dog, etc?
BTW, Many elders are resistant to moving, so some of the smarter ALFs will have a "try before you buy" apt that lets elders stay for a few weeks/month to see how they would feel about living there.
It is important to step in when appropriate -- I had relatives who almost respected their parents to death -- both parents were stubborn. Wife was pretty much blind, and husband almost bled to death internally & unaware of it (don't know who spotted the blood, but it was ICU & rehab, then no more living alone -- WAY overdue). 2 of the kids were docs, but lived out of town & parents showboated when the kids visited.
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A RMV reexamination is when a person's driving skills must be reevaluated based on one or more factors, including the driver's physical or mental condition, or driving record. A RMV reexamination may be recommended by a family member, physical or emergency medical technician, or peace officer. Other times, information in your license renewal application or on your driving record may prompt a reexamination. If you feel a driver is unsafe or incompetent, you may report the same to the RMV by filling out a Request for Medical Evaluation form. You can either fax this to (617) 351-9223 or mail to:
Massachusetts Registry of Motor Vehicles
Medical Affairs Branch
P.O. Box 55889
Boston, MA 02205
Lizdevine, if she had to take a road test, someone reported her or she had a history of infractions or accidents that triggered a retest. Here in NY if you have 3 reportables in 18 months, you get a road test, no matter what your age is.