I am a caregiver for my husband who has dementia. He works in the yard and enjoys it very much. Over the past years he has immaculately cared for our lawn. Now he sees things differently. He wants to remove a beautiful landscaping and put in ugly rock that matches noting. How do I handle this. I have tried telling him that it will look bad but that makes him angry. The other problem is I have to do the heavy work for him
Never argue with a person who has dementia. He's lost the ability to reason, and it won't do any good. You're accustomed to following his orders, but you don't have to. Time for adopting a new outlook and setting new boundaries for your new situation. You can do it! I wish you luck.
Ask his doctor for meds to calm him down. He doesn't have to know what they're for.
Best of luck to you.
I agree with other advice given. Find an external authority who forbids whatever the problem behavior is. Take control of your finances and cut off his access to them if this is an issue. Lock up the yard tools, ladders, etc. And definitely report it to his neurologist as he probably needs calming meds. If he’s anything like my dad, these irrational behaviors, obsessions, and anger are going to get worse before they get better. Sorry to be so blunt about it. But you need to take charge — but not by confronting him or arguing with him or saying no.
When they moved near me I hired a lawn service for them and he would go running out to tell them to leave. It can be really difficult living with someone with dementia. Best wishes to you.
The "obvious" answer is to stop doing the heavy work for him!
Have you tried talking with him to understand why he wants to make this change?
It could be he's thinking of a drought friendly yard.
Or, he may understand that he's not going to be able to keep this up much longer, but doesn't really want to acknowledge that he's slowing down.
By all means, stop doing the heavy work, which neither one of you should do. Hire a Good, qualified landscaper, with references, and take a look at yards they have worked on to find someone who will take care of your yard as immaculately as your husband has for all these years.
You can't really win an argument with someone with dementia. I think in this case, you just have to take over the decision, which he may object to, but in time he may come around and see that you lovingly chose to give him the yard he loves, without the burden of doing the upkeep.