In the specific situation, both people are in their early 70s, they are long-time friends and share a house, the person who is ill might or might not have created a health-care power-of-attorney document, the person who is not ill might or might not be the agent. I'm interested in tips generally because I'm sure I will encounter other "We need to talk about the end of life" situations, and other folks on this forum will, too. Thank you.
Just ask or tell. "Just wondering do you both have your ducks in a row? Have you assigned anyone DPOA and Medical proxy? DNRs, in my State now, are written like living Wills, do they have that in place. Do they have beneficiaries on bank accounts? "
Explain to them without having these things in place, a stranger maybe making decisions for them.
But if she ever needs to come live with us, I wouldn’t budge until at least a springing POA and a care contract are in place. She’s currently sharp as a tack tho physically quite frail.
Later in interviews he suggested these questions should be asked earlier and often as people change their mind or haven’t really thought about it yet when first asked. And we should ask each other these questions.
Here are the questions.
What is your understanding of where you are and of your illness?
Your fears or worries for the future
Your goals and priorities
What outcomes are unacceptable to you? What are you willing to sacrifice and not?
And later, what would a good day look like?
This is a great book that PBS broadcast a documentary using.
You could also look at The Five Wishes that several states use to see if it is helpful.
Generally, I have noticed that there are many people (including in this forum) who seem to think that being a POA agent means that they get to decide what to do for the principal, regardless of the principal's wishes. An agent is supposed to do what the principal said should be done or what they think the principal would say. In the situation of my friends, I think F2 might want to die and F1 might not be prepared to go along with that. It is unfortunate.
Financial is fudiciary duty, not some privilege.
His choices of end of life are pretty straightforward. Nothing to be done.
I respect that.
Simply say, when an appropriate time comes up, or she is talking of her friend "You know, it's so wonderful that you are health care POA for Mildred; she has to be so comforted in knowing that you will see to her wishes regarding care if she's unable to speak for herself" (this being the sole function of a health care proxy.)
She will then decide how the conversation goes.
You can add "Are you comfortable with her advance directive, and her choices"
or any number of things.
Quite honestly, this is sort of private if you know what I mean.
One friend is ill and has appointed another as he health care advocate. That is usually only done when the directive or "Advance Directive" is done. And this is a private document about private choices, not really the business of "other friends" if you know what I mean.
I am assuming you just want comfort for your friend who is proxy. Has she ever evidenced in your presence "discomfort" with choices made? Or not made?
Point out the importance of having an advocate for your care and treatment when one becomes incapacitated.
Such documents exist which guide you through questions about life saving treatments and preferences. Having that out on the table and going through it together provides a way to open up the discussion.