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All of my life my mom would pick a fight with me and then ghost me. I took on the lovely task of raising my 2 year old granddaughter. My son died several months later in 2020 & my dad died 4 months later. He and I have worked together on the rental properties since 2009.
In 2019, my mom and dad came to me and asked me to help pay their bills because my mother was obvious with dementia. I have been handling everything since. My mom kept getting hateful with me plus I was taking care of all the rentals and the grandchild and my three hair shops. Yes, I am sane 🥹 Next thing I knew, my brother and his minions put APS on me. The agent was an absolute bully and caused me extensive stress. This has been over a year ago and nothing has become of it because there was nothing to find or blame me for. I am doing the absolute best I know how.
I absolute feel for others that are going through this. My brother tells me my dead son hated me and then I am a lesbian (not that there's anything wrong with that) and that I can't get a man. Well who in the absolute hell has time? I thank God everyday that I am not like either one of them. There's a lot more to it than this, obviously but it certainly does suck how people act. I'm just amazed that they are related to me.
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I know exactly how you feel. My mom had several daughters and a son. Her son was her golden child and her daughters were just there. No matter, how much you try, you have to understand this may never change. You are searching for your mother’s love and you may never receive it. Be kind to her but stay away if you need to. Love her but do not expect anything in return. When you need to stay your distance do so, it’s ok. It is extremely painful but if you don’t expect anything in return you cannot get hurt. Your sibling is equal to you. I wish you well and pray for God’s help and guidance.
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I understand the frustration of not knowing how to communicate your feelings and how you have the hope that you just need to make them understand. You need to find a way to let go of thinking you can change this relationship. You can't. You are not being treated badly because you deserve it or for any other reason so you cannot change it. I think most of us who are the family scapegoats hold on to the wish to be treated differently up until the very end. I know I did, even though I didn't realise it at the time. It is not going to happen!
But you are also treating yourself badly by staying. You need to leave and not go back. If it is for financial reasons you are there, I hope you can find a solution that enables you to leave. It is not your fault they are violent towards you.. there is no scenario where that could be your fault. Please leave. Find a happy life and be the one who treats you well.. everything you wish for from them, all the love and acceptance you wish for.. you be the one to give it to yourself.
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The most straightforward way to separate yourself from your difficult family members is to move a long way away and develop a real life of your own. This stops you from thinking too much about things that aren’t helping you at all. Don’t visit. Get a separate phone, so that if they phone or if you phone them, it doesn’t get tangled up with your NEW REAL LIFE. Be yourself, not part of that mess.
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Beatty May 28, 2024
+1 move away
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